You Suck At Love

We started off incredible

Connection undeniable

I swear I thought you were the one forever

But your love was like a loaded gun

You shot me down like everyone

'Cause everyone's replaceable

When you're just so incapable

Of getting past skin deep

You played me like an amateur

Then stabbed me like a murderer

I'm left for dead, another one of your victims

It's not like you're unpredictable

But your act is so believable

I know it's nothing personal, it's just business as usual

You're good at what you do

Now I kinda feel bad for you

You're never gonna know

what it's like to have someone to turn to

Another day, another bed

It's just a game inside your head

Guess what, another game over

I got burned, but you're the real loser

I don't know why I've wasted my time with you

You're bad news, a history repeater

You can't trust a serial cheater

You're good at hooking up but you suck at love

Jet Lag

Not sure why...but i really like this song...

What time is it where you are?

I miss you more than anything

Back at home you feel so far

Waitin' for the phone to ring

It's gettin’ lonely livin’ upside down

I don't even wanna be in this town

Tryin' to figure out the time zones makin' me crazy

You say good morning

When it's midnight

Going out of my head

Alone in this bed

I wake up to your sunset

And it's driving me mad

I miss you so bad

And my heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged

Heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged

Heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged

What time is it where you are?

Five more days and I'll be home

I keep your picture in my car

I hate the thought of you alone

I've been keepin' busy all the time

Just to try to keep you off my mind

Tryin' to figure out the time zones makin’ me crazy

I miss you so bad

I wanna share your horizon

I miss you so bad

And see the same sunrising

I miss you so bad

Turn the hour hand back to when you were holding me...

Weird... =.=

Left Me Alone..

I seriously dont get some people...in high school,for years i've been suffering inside and since i was little,i have trouble in telling people how i felt...

I just kept to myself...then,a few people came as saw how troubled i was...back then,they keep asking me,"r u ok?"...i kept looking the other way...but i learned to share my problems little by litlle...but then,once,a few people got fed up with me and just left...but they came back but i have trouble sharing with them my problems again...

But as soft as i can be,i forgave them and let them back in my heart cause they keep telling me that they're 'there for me'...but now,they just left me again...so,who's fault is it now? is it still my fault cause i cant always look at the positive side? or them cause giving me hope? there's one thing that is clear in my mind and that is,if they dont want to help,why bother asking and helping years ago? just let me be alone then as they let me alone now...i seriously cant get them...cant they keep their words? i dont even know what to believe...if u dont want to help,then just let them be in the first place....dont give any sentimental words...

1st semester of FIS..

Finally....6 months have felt like forever! dah mula cuti...but 3 minggu je....aiyo...things have really been tough...i have to pick myself up alone so many times...felt like form 1 all over again...crying everynight...all the screaming...getting angry very easily...

things really have been crazy...i felt people abandoned me...they said,they'll be there if i ever needed them...guess those are just words...so called friends? since i was little,i was already fighting for myself...since i am the only boy...and i dont want my sisters to fight for me...they already got their hands full...kena hina dengan cikgu...senior...junior...'kawan'...musuh...all of that,i handled it myself...but along the way,and some that are still with me,stand by my side...and they know i had a rough life and i dont want to bother them...not many left...but im really thankful that they're still here,talking to me...and wanted to help...i never asked for help...if i think i can handle it alone...

even if i cant,i'll always try to find a way...i just cant believe people can say i never fight for myself...i know people cant accept me...because im really damaged...i have to many problems that i cant solve for myself...and because of that,im always confuse...i've always wanted people to accept me...but if they cant,i know why...

and i also want my friends to just support me...if they cant give me any advice...i dont blame them...this is my problems...i've always kept things to myself...now,i just dont know what to believe anymore...

so,cant i really fend for myself? that's what i want to know...is it wrong for me to seek for help? but this 1st semester,i met new people...who i just can talk...who barely knows about my past...but still willing to help...even if i dont ask for it...some dont even let me be alone...some likes to pick fights...some tried to supprt me...but i really appreciate what they've done so far...it has been a fun semester...and i hope we can have another one like this next semester...i dont think i would have stop being alone if it werent for them...so,thank you...

Deserve?

I read an article a few days ago about people being unhappy...and that article really made me think that i myself decided not to be happy...

It is also stated that when people decided that they don't want to be happy because they don't want to get their hopes up and get disappointed again...but it is not true?

Sometimes i just really wish that i could just stay in my room and never come out...sometimes i feel like i don't even want to see anyone...

What if i'm happy but others are not? eh Annisa? I rather be unhappy than to see her unhappy...

I don't even deserve to have people like this around me...they are to kind...after what i've done,i don't deserve anything...

Believe Me

I don't want to be the one to blame
You like fun and games
Keep playing em
I'm just saying
Think back then
We was like one and the same
On the right track
But I was on the wrong train
Just like that
Now you've got a face to pain
And the devil's got a fresh new place to play
In your brain like a maze you can never escape the rain
Every damn day is the same shade of grey

Hey
I used have a little bit of a plan
Used to
Have a concept of where I stand
But that concept slipped right out of my hands
Now I don't really even know who I am
Yo, what do I have to say
Maybe I should do what I have to do to break free
What ever happens to you, we'll see
But it's not gonna happen with me

I guess
That this is where we've come to
If you don't want to
Then you don't have to believe me
But I won't be there when you go down
Just so you know now
You're on your own now believe me

Back then, I thought you were just like me
Somebody who could see all the pain I see
But you proved to me unintentionally
That you would self-destruct eventually
Now I'm thinking like the mistake I made doesn't hurt
But it's not gonna work
Cause it's really much worse than I thought
I wished you were something that you were not
And now this guilt is really all that I got

You turned your back
And walked away in shame
All you got is a memory of pain
Nothing makes sense so you stare at the ground
I hear your voice in my head when no one else is around
What do I have to say
Maybe I should do what I have to do to break free
What ever happens to you, we'll see
But it's not gonna happen with me

He's so gone..

Insecure
In his skin
Like a puppet, a boy on a string

Broke away
Learned to fly
If you want him back, gotta let him shine

Here I am
This is me
And I'm stronger than you ever thought I'd be

Are you shocked?
Are you mad?
That you're missing out on who I really am

Now it looks like the joke's on you
'Cause the boy that you thought you knew

He's so gone
That's so over now
He's so gone
You won't find him around
You can look but you won't see
The boy I used to be
'Cause he's
so gone away
Like history
He's so gone

Wanted You More

I kept waiting on a reason

And a call that never came

No I never, saw it comin'

Somethin' in you

Must have changed

All the words unspoken

Promises broken

I cried for so long.

Wasted too much time

Should have seen the signs.

Now I know, just what went wrong

All the nights we spent just talkin'

Of the things we wanted out of life (out of life)

Makin' plans and dreams together

I wish I'd seen I was just too blind

My heart was open

Exposed and hoping

For you to lay it on the line

But in the end it seemed

There was no room for me

Still I tried, to change your mind.

I guess I wanted you more

And looking back now I'm sure

I wanted you more

I guess I wanted you more

I don't need you

I don't need you anymore

Otak tak matang?

Celaka punya manusia...pergh...memang buat aku naik angin...memang buat aku naik angin...

Jenis manusia macam ni la antara jenis yang aku paling tak suka...tak matang langsung...minta tolong sikit je pun susah ke? Memang tak guna ye...dah la siap buang komen2 aku...takpe kau...aku ingat aku boleh tahan masa kat sekolah kau buli aku...kau hancurkan peluang terakhir kau...

Kau cuma tolong perempuan je la ni? Gay la weh...sungguh tak matang...kau tolong gang kau je la ni? lagi la otak tak matang...konon la gi sekolah agama masa kecik...konon la lagi pandai dalam bidang agama dari aku...cukup la dengan masalah2 yang aku kena handle sekarang...kau buat aku rasa lagi teruk kat dalam...tahu la hensem...segak...tinggi...aku tak macam kau...jadi,sebab tu ke kau tak nak tolong aku?

Tahu la boleh dapat ramai awek dengan petik jari je...aku tahu gak kau lagi pandai dari aku...tapi sebab kita sangat berbeza,takkan la tak boleh tolong sikit je? Manusia macam ni memang tak fikir tentang perasaan loser macam aku la ni...

Takpe2...sesuatu hari nanti,aku akan kenakan kau balik...tengok la...sungguh tak matang...

Induced feelings..

This kind of feeling...i just noticed it a few months ago...it is a nice feeling at the beginning...especially for the people who just got their heart broken...

But in the end, it'll hurt either both parties or just either of them...i thought i was the only one who taught that way...one of my friends realize that too and warned me about it last year...but i didn't listen to her...

And i watched I carly a few days ago, and it shows what i'm trying to say...Freddy here,saves Carly from being hit by a truck...Carly has been rejecting him for years...suddenly she kisses him...Freddy was shocked but he just accept what he can get...but then,Sam told him that Carly only likes him because of what he has done and she does not like him for what he truly is...Freddy then confronts her...and the said it's better to wait...

So,Carly's feelings was never real...it's just in her head...now i'm scared it's happening to me...what if the feelings i have now is just induced?

Tell Me It's Ok..

Here we are, I've been here yes I have
Can you tell me, we're OK?
We´re face to face but aren´t we still apart?
Can You tell that me it's ok

You can´t know what you´ve done
you can´t know how i changed

You can stay, you can go
Still or never be the same
But I hope that we're Ok..

I know, I was wrong
I'm sorry that If hurt you
can you tell me it's OK

I'm alone in the dark

I don't want you to follow me

But can you?

Can you tell me it's ok

Nice Guys?

I never open the door or pull out a chair
You can tell me how your day was but I don’t really care
And if you ever get cold, you’ll just have to hack it
Cause I’d be cold too if I gave you my jacket

Like whoa!
You ain’t sitting up front
Front is for the homies, you can sit in the trunk
I never answer my phone whenever you call it
And when the waiter brings the bill
I never reach for my wallet

And Imma beat you in every competition
Going out with the girls, you better get my permission
Wait no! I take that back, you can’t go
House is on tonight and that’s my favorite show

"Do I look fat in this dress?"
Hell yeah! You do!
Wait let me speak your language
Cows go mooo, mooo, mooo, mooo, mooo

Nice guys finish last that’s why I’ll treat you like trash
It’s not what I really want to do
Oh.. You only date bad guys so I’ll give you my best try
To treat you the way you want me to

English Term Project...

Last Friday,7th Of October 2011...was exciting..never thought it would be...at the beginning of the semester,we were told bout what we have to do..and i was like,"oh man...we have to do what?!"...i hated the idea that i have to talk more than i should...hoho...

i came late that morning...thx to my stomach...aiseh...but my team mates didnt say a thing...thank goodness...i helped to decorate the booth...and we waited for almost 2 hours and no one came to buy a single cookie...then my algebra lecturer came and suggested the idea that we should go around the campus and sell the cookies instead of waiting for customers to come...so,a few of my friends and myself went and sell the cookies to whoever we find that we think we have a chance to sell the cookies to...

finally,only 2 cookies left...someone made an announcement and we sold the final 2...so,we relaxed for 3 hours...me? as usual,cuci mata...hoho...kacau org...apa lagi? nak main game,rasa sayang nak guna duit...jadi,buat bodo je la...kacau si anak yunos...hoho...kemudian gi solat dan teman si fareez makan...gosip2...kemudian balik rumah...memang best la...walaupun x sebest gi taska...but boleh tahan la...

On My Mind

I’m sleeping through the day
I’m trying not to fade
But every single night
I’ve just been lying awake
Cause I, I can’t get you off my mind

The moment that we met, I didn’t know yet
That I was looking at a face I’ll never forget
Cause I, I can’t get you off my mind

Give me the chance to love you
I’ll tell you the only reason why
Cause you are on my mind
I want to know you feel it
What do you see when you close your eyes
Cause you are on my mind

I want to be best
I want to be worst
I want to be the gravity in your universe
And I, I want to be there to help you fly

Oh, the longer that I wait
The more that I’m afraid
That someone’s gonna fool your heart and take you away
Cause I, I finally realized,
That I can’t get you off my mind

1st field trip in college!

Memang best betul jumaat lepas! agak letih la mula2 rasa...and memang malas...tetapi hati pun rasa x tenang...pergi je la...lagipun ni 30% for agama...gi solat kat masjid sebelum bertolak naik bas...lama gak...aku tlg kwn aku kira duit...memang pening...tetapi enjoy gak...at least ada benda dapat occupy minda aku...finally kita sampai...memang terkejut la...ramai betul budak...comel2 pulak tu...classmate perempuan terus gi mendampingi diorg...aku duduk tepi dulu..faris(ketua group),main teka teki dengan budak2 bersampingan dgn nawal...kemudian dia main gitar pulak memandangkan diorg budak2,mesti tertarik dgn muzik...tiba2 ada bayi datang dan aku bagi dia duduk atas aku...layu je mata dia...comel betul...asyik nak tengok hujan je dia...si farah ni pulak tak habis2 nak ambik gambar...ada kawan dia lak kata,"wah,mcm happy family la..."...aku pun tak kisah la memandangkan farah pun buat selamba je...tetapi pegang bayi tu amat susah...dia asyik nak jalan je...akhirnya dapat gak ambik gambar yg cantik...letih aku...hahaha...ada seorang bayi ni pulak,mula2 aku ingat dia lelaki...tengok2 dia perempuan...asyik menangis je bila tengok muka kawan aku sorg ni...nadiah asyik kena pujuk dia...aku pun takut...terima kasih nad! dia memang pandai jaga budak...muka dia memang sebiji dia naquiah..bila dah nak petang,budak2 dah makin kurang...aku pun solat asar dengan syamim...dia jadi imam...pergh! memang susah nak ikut dia...bukan main laju..adoi...lepas solat asar,turun kejap nak makan...ada kawan baru aku buat...farah seorang lagi ni memang kelakar...tak habis2 kena buli dengan aku..asyik nak makan je kerja dia...haha...lepas solat,kita pulang...budak2 international memang x sabar2 nak balik...xleh salahkan diorg gak memandangkan diorg xleh cakap bahasa melayu....masa nak balik,kakak2 taska tu kata kat kawan yaman aku,zaid untuk bawa madu dari yaman lain kali dia dtg visit...haha...kesian dia...si bisyri ni pulak hilang stokin...memang senang nak cari dalam gelap...kesian kena pakai sebelah je...bisyri2...hahaha...kita naik bas,nawal pulak pasang cerita apa entah...aku letih sangat...asyik terlelap tetapi mata tak nak tutup sebab pemandangan dan perasaan masa tu memang sangat indah...entah bila lagi aku boleh rasa macam tu...tak banyak boleh cerita accept adventure tu memang apa yg aku perlukan pada masa tu :) terima kasih kepada kawan2 islamic studiesku...

A Familiar Feeling 2...

Again...i had this some kind of feeling inside of me that is very familiar since this few days...im not sure i had those feelings because the meds i've been taking or is it just this few moments...what i know,i had those fuzzy feelings when i was a kid...somewhere in high school i lost it...i want to find it back...

i dont know how...but when i get a clue,i'll just pursue it...like today...that feeling was getting stronger...and when i think about bangsar,it just get stronger...so,right after class,i took the bus and went straight to bangsar...

i saw a few juniors at the lrt station...then at mcd...miss them...then i went to see my little sis...missed her so much...but too bad i cant spend more time with her...somewhere at 5,i went home and get to bed at 8...so tired...

but when i get back...i feel nothing...im not sure if im just satisfied or what...what was it?

When i was about to leave bangsar,i had this strong feeling that i dont want to leaave yet...i was about to cry...

Love's To Blame

Time and time I've thought through it all
How we loved and loved and how we fought each other
Pushing one another to be somebody else?
And time and time I've wrestled my thoughts
Not certain if the end was right or wrong and whether
We still should be together or with somebody else

Our last memory she had water in her eyes
She cried "Stay with me"
Asked "How can this be love if you are leaving me"
But darling love's to blame

And I can't see you right now
'cause my heart just can't take it
Can't be with you right now
'cause I know you're no longer mine
I can't see you right now
'cause my heart just can't fake it

It makes me ache that we had to break
That even though I knew your heart so well
We're strangers in different places though we live a mile apart
My best friend's gone my world has been torn
We'll never share a name never be one
But I will always remember the years we spent in love
I still think of you
I pray that you are safe I'm still missing you
It has to be this way 'cause I'm not right for you
And that's why love's to blame

Maybe time will heal your heart
And maybe after time you'll understand
I said goodbye 'cause I love you

September

How the time passed away? All the trouble that we gave

And all those days we spent out by the lake

Has it all gone to waste? All the promises we made

One by one they vanish just the same

Now it all seems so clear, there's nothing left to fear

So we made our way by finding what was real

Now the days are so long that summer's moving on

We reach for something that's already gone

We knew we had to leave this town

But we never knew when and we never knew how

We would end up here the way we are

Yeah we knew we had to leave this town

But we never knew when and we never knew how

Of all the things I still remember

Summer's never looked the same

The years go by and time just seems to fly

But the memories remain

In the middle of September we'd still play out in the rain

Nothing to lose but everything to gain

Reflecting now on how things could've been

It was worth it in the end

Get It Right

What have I done? I wish I could run.
Away from this ship going under
Just trying to help, hurt everyone else
Now I feel the weight of the world is
On my shoulders

What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right

Can I start again with my faith shaken?
'Cause I can't go back and undo this
I just have to stay and face my mistakes
But if I get stronger and wiser
I'll get through this

So I throw up my fist
Throw a punch in the air
And accept the truth, that sometimes life isn't fair
I'll send down a wish
I'll send up a prayer
And finally, someone will see
How much I care

Im sick of it...everything that i tried so hard to get,it just falls apart in the end...like everything i did was for nothing...how many times will it be like this...

More Than Friends...

Since a few months ago,i realise that i get angry very easily compared to a few years back...or is it im always like this? i seriously got anger issues...i have planned to go to a anger management therapy after i've finished my studies...i just hope i could hold on until then...My uztazah this year is very kind...i can see that she's been through some hardship...but what im amaze is that she still so nice.kind and sweet...i've met people who are older,same age or younger than me that has those characteristics...and i just hope,when i do want to find a girl,i hope i'll end up with that kind...still intact with one's self eventhough much has happened...unlike me,everything bad that happens,i just get angry...

I dont know why im angry sometimes...but sometimes i just think it's because of i feel like im incomplete...when i think back,when i went to see diyanah last saturday,i didn't feel that way...maybe i just need to be around people who i care about and care about me?

i watch a japanese series titled pirate sentai gokaiger yesterday...one episode was about a student lost his sensei to a group of villains because his sensei helps him to escape...when he realise that he lost his teacher,he also realise that he made a promise to one of his friends that he has his back...and he has friends...where he can go home to anytime...i realise that i too have friends...have my family...that i truly care about...and they care about me too...i trust them with my life...with my heart...along the way to finding them,i lost some people...i lose their trust or they lose mine...i dont know...i will always feel lonely but i will never be alone ey guys?

A week back,i watch the movie Lemonade Mouth...the songs really made a tear flow because it reminds me of the memories we spent together...here is my fav...

I can't pretend

To know how you feel

But know that I'm here

Know that I'm real

Say what you want

Or don't talk at all

I'm not gonna let you fall

Reach for my hand

'Cause it's held out for you

My shoulders are small

But you can cry on them too

Everything changes

But one thing is true

Understand

We'll always be more than a band

You used to brave the world

All on your own

Now we won't let you go, go it alone

Be who you wanna be

Always stand tall

Not gonna let you fall

I never knew you could take me so far

I've always wanted to hope that you are the ones I need

Raya...

Damn it...the feelings are back again...last year i had syairah to hold back the feeling around this time last year...this year...i can't expect it from anyone else...bak kata melissa...what am i supposed to then?

Every year it's the same old thing..i miss my grandma...i miss the old house we use to live in...my kg...the smell of the wooden building...the sound of the wooden door...every year,everytime we got there she'll be there...waiting for us...with that warm loving smile...and at that time,my granddad can still move...he can still pray...he can still talk to us...every raya i would bring back my power rangers cd to watch when all of my cousins are away...being the only son is hard even when i was a kid...i would play around with my cousins at the door...goofing off...playing power rangers...i watch power rangers there...i could still remember that it shows around 7.30 at night..after azan maghrib...Every morning i would see she will talk with my mum...in front of the tv...they will always open tv1,tv2,or tv3...unlike me who always open astro channels...

Everytime i open the tv,she would always told me to watch shows other than cartoons...funny...until now,i still watch cartoons...she once stayed at my house..she stayed in my room...everytime i play games,she would only look at me and asked me if i have study...i still remember there was once,i had a feeling something bad was going to happen...the next day,turns out she wont let me go to school...my mum said that my grandma said if a child has that kind of feeling,it's better to listen...at that year,i got to play the game Chrono Cross...then comes raya 04...we had to take a picture as a family...it's a good thing we did...coz i never thought that would be our last raya..that raya was also the most quiet raya...

Now,everytime i hear a chrono cross song....i'll think of her...i'll think of the raya we spent together..sometimes,in the morning,when itt is in the right conditions,i'll think of her too...every raya i'll think of her...every raya,there will be this kind of feeling..im not sure what...is it the feeling of lost? where are you nur syairah norayeen....

Tempat lain,perasaan sama...

Hah...beberapa minggu ni amat meletihkan...tak sure either sebab kakak aku dah takde...atau memang letih sebab kerja asyik bertambah...hari ni boleh relaks sikit...cuti raya mula esok...cuti raya!

Kawan-kawan sekelasku dah mula plan nak keluar masa cuti...seperti biasa,aku tak diajak...biasa la kan...the one who is quiet selalu will be the one to be left behind...letih la macam ni...dulu kat sekolah...sekarang kat sini...maybe nasib aku memang selalu akan jadi macam ni...sebanyak mana aku nak jadi seperti mamat2 dalam kelas yang pandai buat lawak,aku tak boleh...itu bukan diri aku? aku pun tak tahu...kawan2 sekolah pulak,bila aku ajak datang rumah marah...aku ajak marah...tak ajak marah...make up your mind please...itu pun aku dah cukup baik nak ajak orang macam kau yag selalu ketepikan aku sepanjang zaman sekolah...

Memilih pulak...buat tension je...dah la kau pun tak pernah ajak aku keluar...ajak yang popular2 je...kononnya la berlagak otak macam matang sangat...lelaki...perempuan...sama je...letih la macam ni...rasa macam masa form 3 balik...but time sekolah ada juga beberapa orang yang aku boleh percaya untuk bergantung...dalam kelas aku sekarang,nampaknya tiada...aku masih ada kawan2 lama...aku tahu...tetapi susah nak contact sebab takut ganggu...nampaknya perasaan ni datang balik...

Give up...

I give up...i've tried and tried...kwn ke...x?

I think i know now why normal guys doesn't tell their problems to other people...it's useless...i had it...

Kata je,"aku sokong kau","beritahu la kalau ada masalah"...

Bila beritahu je,kena hentam...

Bila beritahu je,mcm tak nak tolong...

Kalau tak nak tolong in the 1st place,jangan cakap ayat2 mcm tu...memberi orang harapan memang kesalahan yang besar...

Everytime i try to ask for help,the problem just gets bigger...

Fine then...


"I'll endure all the hate and pain on my own!" - Naruto Uzumaki

Kakakkku...

Sudah nak masuk 5 hari kakak aku dah tiada di tanah malaysia...hari jumaat lepas,bila aku balik rumah,aku tercari-cari dia...teringat pula yang dia sudah di india...

jumaat lepas aku sakit,jadi memang pelik sikit la dah tak dengar suara gelak ketawa dia...sehari lepas dia bertolak...aku asyik rasa nak marah je dekat seorang perempuan di dalam kelas aku ni..

Mula-mula aku fikir aku dah minat kat dia...tengok-tengok bukan..itu hanya perasaan palsu...dan aku bukan marah kat dia sebenarnya hari tu...aku cuma marah yang kakak aku yang aku paling rapat dah tiada di tanah malaysia...

Aku marah yang keadaan makin berubah...cepat sangat berubah...dan aku rasa aku tak boleh nak kejar...

Rabu lepas,pukul 1.15 ayah aku ambil aku dari kelas dan terus balik rumah nak siapkan kereta untuk letak beg..aku masuk rumah nampak saudara aku bersama dengan kakak aku..aku lupa yang dia datang sekejap nak jumpa kakak aku sebelum pergi ke india...

Dia pergi ke bilik komputer nak masukkan lagu dalam harddisk dia...aku bercerita sikit sebelum pergi makan..

Kita solat-solat sebelum bertolak ke KLIA...

Aku ikut ayah aku nak park kereta..tengok-tengok kakak aku ada tinggalkan beberapa barang dekat rumah...kita patah balik nak pergi ambil..

Aku dengan ayah aku ambil kesempatan untuk solat asar dulu sebelum pergi balik ke KLIA...kita jumpa mereka kat KFC..kita makan bersama dengan dua orang yang sangat mulia dan baik hati bagi aku kerana sanggup datang jauh-jauh hanya untuk jumpa kakak aku..dan kita solat dulu...dan orang JPA panggil kakak aku untuk briefing...

dah nak dekat pukul 9...dia kena kumpul dekat escalator international...aku tak sangka yang dia akan mengalirkan air mata kerana dia seorang yang sangat kuat bagi aku...lagi kuat dari aku yang merupakan seorang lelaki...bila aku nampak dia mengalirkan air mata,kakak aku yang lain mengalirkan air mata juga....dan aku tak sanggup nak pandang dia...aku pandang ke tempat lain...tak nak kakak aku nampak yang air mata aku nak keluar...memang tak dapat tahan...aku ingin peluk dia kuat-kuat dan kata yang aku sayang dia...tetapi tak terjadi...aku hanya cium tangan dia dan lepaskan dia...aku nampak dia turun tangga dan kawan-kawan dia yang datang sekali turut mengalirkan air mata...

Aku dapat rasa yang dia cuba untuk tidak pandang kita sekeluarga sebab takut tak boleh berhenti dari menangis...sebab fikiran kita agak sama..dan itu apa yang aku akan buat kalau aku di tempat dia...tetapi disebabkan keluarga,terpaksa juga pandang sebab sayang sangat...kita ikut dia dengan memandang dia dari atas sampai dia masuk 'airtrain'...kemudian bila dah pukul 10,30,mak aku kata kita patut balik...sepanjang kita jalan nak balik,rasa senyap je...sebab dia yang selalu bising bila semua orang senyap...kali ni memang senyap...aku cuba jadi bising sebab tak nak keluarga aku sedih sangat...tetapi aku pun turut rasa sedih...

Bila aku bangun pagi sabtu hari tu,aku keluar bilik dan secara automatik aku terus pergi ke bilik dia...tiba-tiba sedar yang dia dah tiada...sedih tengok bilik dia dah kosong...selalunya dia akan buat bising dengan pasang movie atau main keyboard dia dengan kuat..

Hari ni hari isnin...isnin minggu lepas,dia masih di sini dan sedang keluar dengan saudara aku di sunway pyramid...buat bising kat sana..aku tiada sebab aku ada kelas masa tu...sekarang ni,dah tiada orang yang aku nak lepaskan kemarahan aku malam-malam di rumah...aku kena manage sendiri...

Kita hanya beza 2 tahun...dan sejak kecil...sejak mana yang aku boleh ingat,dia selalu jaga aku dan selalu buat beberapa kerja lagi senang untuk aku...selalu teman aku pergi mana-mana...selalu main game dengan aku...masa di sekolah rendah,dia selalu tolong bayarkan yuran walaupun aku tahu buat sendiri...dia tolong aku jadi pengawas..dia selalu selamatkan aku dari terpaksa naik ke pentas...masa aku darjah 5,dia masuk sekolah menengah,aku terpaksa manage benda-benda sendiri..

UPSR aku dapat tandingi dia..yes...tetapi masa aku form 1,dia tak dapat tolong aku sangat sebab dia sedang mengalami tahun PMR...aku naik form 2 dan bila masih takde kawan,dia tolong aku..memperkenalkan effi dan lain-lain...dia cuba minta aku masuk tarian raksasa tetapi aku tak dapat masuk...dia masuk anggota PPS..dia minta aku masuk tetapi aku tolak..

Masa aku form 3,dia ajak lagi dan aku jadi PPS...aku tak nak jadi pengawas sebab nak teman dia...dia tolong aku buat revision dan sebab dia juga aku dapat 8A...aku tertekan sebab aku fikir aku tak cukup untuk semua orang untuk jadi kawan mereka time tu...tapi kakak aku asyik kata yang aku boleh lepak dengan dia...

Masa form 4,dia dah keluar dan macam bila darjah 5,aku rasa tiada orang jaga belakang aku lagi...tetapi bila dia dapat results SPM dia,aku sungguh gembira untuk dia sebab kalau dia boleeh dapat,bermakna aku pun boleh dapat...aku cuba dan cuba..dia banyak tolong aku dengan add maths..

Sama juga bila dah masuk form 5...setiap kali dia ada di rumah,senang lagi soalan jadi sebab dia ada untuk tolong...masa SPM aku dah dekat dia dah cuti,jadi memang lega hati aku...tetapi nampaknya usaha aku tak cukup sebab aku tak dapat results macam dia...itu je yang aku menyesal sampai sekarang...

Macam aku telah mengecewakan keluarga aku...sekarang ni dah masuk kolej,semua kawan-kawan aku sibuk dengan hal masing-masing dan aku tak sanggup nak bebankan mereka lagi..aku perlukan keluarga aku masa ni...tetapi aku tak dapat nak berkata apa-apa...

Family...

Im in my 3rd week..and my heart is still troubled everytime i leave home...why?

I questioned myself everyday...last year,i like to spend more time at school than at home...why?

Is it because i have people that i could count on? but i still felt lonely,but this time...it's different...

When i was in form 4,i vowed to spent as much time as possible with my family...because during that time,2 of my juniors lost their dad at a very young age...

I don't want to do something that i would greatly regret later...

So,everytime my father ask if i want to follow,i would and it became common for me to follow him anywhere at anytime...even for my mum i would do the same...

As time goes by,they wouldn't need to ask me if i want to follow because the answer will always be the same and that is,"yes"...

About 2 years ago,i set up my mind to make them happy in everything that i do...i tried to make them laugh...i tried to make them smile...although im not as good as my sister,but i do keep them company...they know that they can talk to me about anything...

I always wanted to take care of them...no matter how tough things that they will ask me to do,i'll do it so that theri burden would lessen...

Am i just a family guy? or is it just that im weak...

Or i just have abandonment issues...

I just wish that i can take this sadness away...the saying,"you never know how much someone worth is until you really lose them.." is true...i've always felt lonely at school but when i reach home,the loneliness lessen because i can talk to them about something else...it takes my mind out of those things...but now,i feel lonelier than ever..

Everytime i reach my room,i realise,"oh...my parents is at home..."

Everytime i open my eyes when i woke up from my sleep,they're not here...they're at home...

It's just...i don't even know how to describe it...i thought the fact that i lost my ex was hard...i think i rather feel losing her than to feel parentssick...

At least those kind of feelings i could stop the tears...but this,it's far worse...

I miss my parents...it's stupid because they are only about 30 mins away from me...so why do i miss them so much..?

Kolej..

Aiyo...baru dua hari...rasa dah sakit kepala...asyik rasa takut nak mula benda baru..asyik rasa rindu...semua bercampur...at least 1 masalah dah kurang sikit...tetapi itu,aku still boleh handle...problem baru,lagi teruk...aku je ke yg lemah? aku pun x tahu...semalam 1st day orientation...agak takut...xde benda yg xleh handle...sampai la balik ke bilik...bersendirian...mula teringatkan parents...sedih la...apa lagi...rasa bersalah pun ada...tempat ni dah la mahal...kalau aku tahu akan rasa macam ni,baik aku terima uniten je dulu...at least situ murah sikit...sini,kalau la aku boleh convince parents untuk duduk rumah...kalau parents aku masih muda,maybe aku xkan fikir macam ni...memandangkan mereka berdua dah tua,memang rasa bersalah nak tinggalkan...seorang kakak dah kahwin...seorang dah kerja...dan seorang lagi nak pergi india...xde la orag nak teman mereka...betul juga apa yang mirza kata,"like they need u and u need them"...memang aku bengang kalau orang cakap macam tu..sebab xde orang faham,betapa sedihnya kadang2 menjadi anak seorang lelaki...bila cuti lepas spm,aku yang banyak teman mereka ke mana2 tempat...bukan setakat lepas spm je...sebelum tu lagi...bukannya aku nak kata aku x suka jadi anak seorang lelaki,aku suka sangat...setiap kali aku buat sesuatu yang membanggakan,mereka gembira je...sekarang ni mereka terpaksa keluarkan duit hanya sebab aku x dpt score dalam spm...aku memang x suka biarkan mereka buat apa2 tanpa aku menolong...sekarang ni kat rumah,aku x dpt tolong mereka lagi...setiap kali aku fikirkan pengorbanan yang mereka telah buat untuk aku,memang air mata akan keluar...dan aku x dpt apa yang mereka nak untuk spm...ini suatu lagu yang selalu ingatkan aku tentang mereka...

Sun rise and I lift up my head then I smile at your picture sitting next to my bed
Sun set and you’re feeling okay cause you smile at the letter that I sent you today
Cant wait till I see you again and we both say remember when
The band played on the fourth of July and you held me on your shoulders way up high

Your still there for me
Wherever there might be
And if an ocean lies between us I’ll send a message across the sea
That you can’t sleep tonight knowing it’s all right
I believe that you’re listening to my song
You’re with me
You’ve been here all along
You’ve been here all along

Back then you walked me to school told me to be careful and to follow the rules
Fast forward you taught me to drive you gave me the keys and we went for a ride
And I cant wait till I see you again and we both say remember when
I’m holding on to moments like that and I know that their coming back

All along the way I keep you in my heart and in my prayers
You’ll always be the one who cares the most
Counting all the days
I see you running up to say, “ I missed you”
I missed you

Your still there for me
Wherever there might be
And if an ocean lies between us I’ll send a message across the sea
That you can’t sleep tonight knowing It’s alright
I believed that you’re listening to my song
You’re with me
Cause you’re with me
You’ve been here all along
You’ve been here all along

The No. 18...

Wah! I've finally turn 18...sometimes when i think about it,i just cant believe it...10 years ago,i was still watching power rangers in front of the tv and wanted to be like them...and i was sooo happy...and excited to grow big and strong and wish that i could be like one of them...4 years pass and i still have that dream...

what had happened to that dream? i wondered...where is that kid? the kid that is full of hopes and dreams...i guess i'm trying to find him...

what had happened to me? how did i lose that kid? and how do i get him back? i miss him so much...

5 years ago,i was different...

what if 5 years from now i will be more different?

i've always wanted to be where i am today...but 5 years ago,i never thought i would feel this way...

Let's just find out what will happen in 5 years :)

Thank You..

Well,here goes...(biarkan lagu terpasang tau...baik punyer!)

I've written all the memories that we shared and how much you guys have change my life for the better...we've shared many things together...and those times will always be in my memories (and my diary)...

You guys are really something else...each one of you...maybe i was blind to see in the beginning...and sometimes i regret that i didn't noticed it earlier...that i have people by my side who i care and cares about me back...how do i say it ey? For some time i keep thinking that i can't have any friends because of my lack social skills...you guys took me in when i was left by the side...you all looked at me differently than other people usually do...

These last few years,somebody keeps on bombarding me with things such as family is more important...and kept on saying that i don't care about my family...and at that time i was spending more time with my problems than with others...yes,family is important..but friends like all of you are also important...some people may say that what i'm talking is rubbish...but though we may not share ties of blood,we are family...

So,i just hope we won't ever lose contact...i think i've said enough...you get the point ey? Like i said many times before,eventhough i have my problems,i'm never too busy to help...we're friends...we're family :)

(sori ayat jiwang sikit bagi yang tak tahan :P)

Good luck in heading towards your future! Here's a little something i've pulled out...

World turns black and white
Pictures in an empty room
Your love starts fallin' down
Better change your tune
Yeah, you reach for the golden ring
Reach for the sky
Baby, just spread your wings

Run, run, run away
Like a train runnin' off the track
Got the truth bein' left behind
Falls between the cracks
Standin' on broken dreams
Never losin' sight, ah
Well just spread your wings

We'll get higher and higher
Straight up we'll climb
We'll get higher and higher
Leave it all behind

So baby dry your eyes
Save all the tears you've cried
Oh, that's what dreams are made of
'Cause we belong in a world that must be strong
Oh, that's what dreams are made of

Yeah, we'll get higher and higher
Straight up we'll climb
Higher and higher
Leave it all behind
Oh, we'll get higher and higher
Who knows what we'll find?

So baby dry your eyes
Save all the tears you've cried
Oh, that's what dreams are made of
Oh baby, we belong in a world that must be strong
Oh, that's what dreams are made of

And in the end on dreams we will depend
'Cause that's what love is made of

Shahfirul Azwan...

Pirol! The one and only! and the last one! Mari gua bercerita sikit...

Kita mula berkenalan masa form 3 la kan? Aku jadi PPS tahun 08...hampir setiap hari tengok gelagat gila kau...siapa x tergelak kan? aku nampak kau ni macam seronok je...tetapi masa tu aku masih segan nak masuk gang kau...aku gelak2 dari jauh je...

Masuk form 4,tengok2 kita sama kelas! kau duduk belakang aku dengan iqmal dengan che...tak habis2 kacau mai...aku mula berborak dengan kau lepas khai dengan aiemen pindah kelas...sebab kau dah mula lepak dengan shafeeqdeen...aku menyibuk sekali...aku pun fikir,"interesting gak dia ni"...hahaha...semua orang kau kacau...cikgu pun tak terkecuali...aku takkan lupa apa kau buat kat aku tahun ni pirol...aku buat 'hal' aku,kau datang kacau! sama je dengan akmal tu...bila final exam,kita mula lepak kat bilik Pn zaleha...memang bising ar kat sana bila kau ada...

Masuk form 5,kita sama kelas lagi! suprise2! haha...bila kita mula2 masuk kelas tu,aku nak kau duduk sebelah aku tau...masa tu,aku asyik keliru dalam masalah2 aku...dan aku nak juga borak2 dengan kau....tetapi hannah kata duduk macam masa f4...takpela kot...kau dengan shafeeqdeen tak habis2 buat lawak korg...memang hampir setiap hari gila2...kalau korg ada memang tak berhenti la aku ketawa...bila kita pindah kelas ke bilik media,kita dah mula menyorok kat library...bawah counter tu...ingat? hahahaha....aduh...kadang2 bila waktu hujan la best...kita duduk sana sampai nak dekat pukul 9...ada sekali masa add maths,kita tak siap kerja...kita sorok kat sana...bincang tentang benda2...pergh! memang best ar! ada sekali gak...aku tengah sakit kepala...aku nak masuk bilik kerja nak rehat...kau teman aku...memang aku berterima kasih ar...kau rilek je duduk tengok tv...aku tidur je...dalam sejam,kau pun dah tertidur...tetapi lama2,ada orang pergi cakap yang kita berdua ponteng...aduh...leceh betul...nasib baik cikgu tak marah...ingat kem PPS...kau kacau Hasnol tu? kejam betul kau kan...hahaha...aku pun tak terlepas...masa teacher's day tu,kau jadi budak nakal yang cuba pikat iklil...aku rasa time tu aku terpasang lagu cepat sangat...sorry ye...tetapi menjadi juga sketsa tu...hohoh...ingat lawatan ke memorial tu...kau dengan shafeeqdeen....memang penuh dengan jenaka korg...masa lawatan ke KLCC,kau ada ke? aku tak ingat dah...haha...setiap kali kita masuk kelas agama,uztaz selalu nampak bengang je...ingat bila dia mengamuk tu? sebab kau kan? hahahaha...lek lek...kau memang kuat memori kan...setiap kali Pn Jasbeer tanya soalan,kau boleh je jawab...gila weh...kau memang pandai sejarah woh...tetapi bila masuk kelas add maths,terbalik pula...cikgu asyik marah kau je...hahahaha...setiap kali Pn Ranjeet nak panggil kau,aku asyik tergelak je...nak tengok apa kau nak buat...nak speaking? cewah! ingat lagi joke 'pembaris' tu...'panjang'...'sangat panjang'...sengal gila...hahahaha...setiap kali ada peluang,kau tentu akan menghilang...cikgu2 pulak asyik tertanya je la...dalam bilik media tu,memang kawasan belakang tu dah macam katil kita...bila cikgu takde je,terus pergi belakang dan tidur...memang best...kotor mana pun,kalau letih sangat,peduli apa kan? hohoho...kemudian kita pindah balik ke kelas atas lepas trials...tak banyak dah jadi sampai la habis SPM...

Sekarang kau dah kat UITM...mula belajar balik...bagus2...sekurang-kurangnya kau nak teruskan belajar...terima kasih la weh...atas segala-galanya...kau ada juga tolong aku dalam beberapa benda...tak banyak tapi dah cukup untuk buat aku bergelak-ketawa dengan orang lain...good luck weh! study rajin2!

Nur Diyanah

Giliran kau pula...mari...actually aku dah buat awal2 sebelum kau pergi PLKN,ni aku ambil peluang update kan sikit...

Kita mula2 jumpa time form 2 kan...kau join tarian merdeka tu...aku tak join...masa latihan aku sakit kepala jadi cikgu tak pilih aku...tapi aku pun bukannya boleh menari...so silap aku juga pergi join...memalukan diri aku je...

Aku kenal kau sekadar nama sahaja sebab kakak aku kenal kau...dia kata kau baik sangat...lembut je...aku ingat lagi setiap kali kakak aku panggil nak jumpa kau,aku berlagak macho je...hah...time tu pun aku tengah cari kawan so,otak aku bengap sket...

Time form 3,kita dah satu kelas...but walaupun satu kelas pun,kita tak banyak cakap kan...aku asyik dengan wafa je time tu...but akhirnya sebab efi rapat dgn kau,aku mula rapat dengan kau...

Time form 4 baru aku mula rapat dengan kau...sebab time tu,aku fikir aku patut buat kawan baru dari asyik duduk seorang je...kebetulan kau duduk 2 tempat dari kanan aku...sebelah aku pula kadang2 kosong...jadi,aku mula borak dengan kau...mula2 start dengan tolong homework...last2,mula la ada org ejek,"ali mustafa"...habis la...aku memang bengang...tapi kau kata biarkan je..lagipun,bunyi mcm kita adik-beradik pula...so,aku dah tak marah sejak tu..aku biarkan...lama kelamaan,aku mula anggap kau macam adik sendiri...

masuk f5,kau dah mula kacau aku...tak habis2...tak serik2...setiap hari,ada je masa kau nak perli,sindir,ejek...macam2 lagi ko buat kat aku...haha...aku sabar je....tapi aku pun ada juga balas balik...padan muka...hahaha...aku kesiankan kau kadang2 aku nampak macam kau duduk seorang je...itu sebab kadang2 aku panggil kau duduk dengan aku...ingat lagi time book fare tu? haha! aduhai! aku memang berterima kasih gila2! Sebab kau datang ke klcc dengan aku hari tu,kau selamatkan raya aku untuk tahun lepas...sebelum tu,kau nmpk aku asyik sedih je...aku rasa kadang2 topeng aku tak menjadi...haha...kau cakap kat aku yang aku ada ramai kawan...dan kau ada...dan masa kita sambut merdeka,aku gembira juga sebab akhirnya aku dapat berfikir straight walaupun untuk sehari pun...tapi dalam kelas,kau nampak aku seorang,kau tak bagi...jadi kau suruh aku duduk sebelah kau....at least kau boleh ceriakan aku sikit...aku panggil jega,dan kita bertiga bersama je la sampai habis sekolah hari tu...ada satu hari,kau nampak aku duduk sebelah dia...kau marah aku...kau tak bagi aku teruskan apa yang aku buat sebab nanti aku akan berharap...aku patut ikut je nasihat kau time tu...

2011,kau masuk PLKN awal2 tahun...aduh...bosan pula kau takde...kau ar kadang2 bila aku boring dan aku tak tahu nak mesej siapa,tiba2 hp aku akan bunyi dan,pop! muncul nama kau...mengacau aku....hahahaha....kau keluar PLKN je,kita terus plan nak keluar...jumpa2,gila ar...suprise2...dah bertudung...hahaha...seminggu sebelum results...aiya...kau dapat berita buruk...aku dapat lepas results...hah...teruk2...sehari sebelum aku pergi NZ,kita keluar...aku rasa tu je hari yang seingat aku,hari aku spend time paling lama dengan kau...bila kat sekolah dulu,sekejap2 je...hari khamis tu,nak dekat sehari...entah kenapa malam tu,aku rasa takut sikit nak bertolak ke NZ...cuak2...kita tak jumpa dah sampai kenduri kakak aku...memang bersinar la mata keluarga mak aku...aduh...habis kena hentam teruk2...bila korg ada aku dah kena...korg balik je...aduh...kena lagi...kita tak jumpa dah sampai sekarang...semua dah bz...kecuali aku! hahaha...

satu benda je yang aku menyesal setakat ni ialah aku tak bersama dengan kau time kau dapat 'mesej' tu...kau dah kerja,so agak susah nak cakap dengan kau...tak lama lagi kau nak masuk belajar dah...lagi susah...sejak results,pemikiran aku agak tak menentu...tak banyak benda dah berlaku...tetapi kalau nak buat ayat gempak,memang banyak benda dah berlaku la..the dissapointment...the breakup...oh damn...where to start? susah2...kalau aku pernah tanya soalan2 yang kau anggap pelik,biarkan je la...bila kita dah habis belajar,jom aku akan teman kau menceburi dalam astronomi...hahaha...aku pun minat juga...aku tabik kat kau sebab nak bajet kuat pun masih kekal diri kau...lek lek...itu,sesuatu yang aku memang harap kau takkan berubah...sebab setengah org aku tengok...lelaki ke perempuan,bila nak tunjuk kuat,mula la buat perangai...malangnya aku juga termasuk dalam list tu...memang kalau aku duduk bangsar,setiap hari aku ajak datang rumah...memang best la time kenduri tu...kau boleh jadi kuat...takde sebab aku juga tak boleh...aku hargai untuk semua yang kau dah lakukan untuk aku...kalau kau perlukan apa2,text je la dan aku akan cuba untuk tolong sebanyak boleh...tak ramai kawan2 yang aku dah anggap macam keluarga sendiri...adik2...hahaha...terima kasih untuk segala-galanya...semoga berjaya untuk dalam menghadapi masa hadapan kau :)

Nur Diana Melissa...

Where should we start??? Hmmmmmm.....

Mula jumpa kau,masa form 2...aku nampak kau tengah baca buku...memandangkan kau dengan asfvin go way back,kau approach dia dan sebab aku dengan suresh ada bersama dia,kau tanya nama kita...time tu,aku masih malu2 dan aku tak nak cakap and entah macam mana aku suruh suresh yang cakap...bengap kan? hahaha...masa form 2 aku mula jadi emo...aku selalu duduk seorang kat luar bila rehat...dan kau suka je kejutkan aku dari belakang...ada sekali kau tanya aku kenapa aku duduk kat luar...aku kata yang diorg tak suka aku...kau cakap yang aku think too much...ingat ada surat yang aku nak hantar kat 'ugly betty' tu? aku minta kau check....and kau kata aku tak make sense and english aku berterabur...memang pun...at that time,i was too desperate i think...entah kenapa...raging hormones...hahaha...14 kan...biasa la...

Siot kan,2008...kau naik kelas...sejak ni kau dah antara yang pandai...aku still kat bottom...hahaha...sesuai la dengan usaha aku...aku mula kecewa dengan budak kecik ni...and aku asyik curse feelings aku terhadap dia...kau kata kat aku,"kau tak boleh halang dari perasaan tu untuk datang"...so,i accept it and try to work out of it...we dont talk much this year kan? maybe sebab kita lain kelas...but bila kau dapat tahu yang aku rapat dengan sham(memandangkan kau pun rapat dengan sham),aku mula rapat dengan kau balik...kau selalu score je dalam setiap exam...trials pun kau dapat tinggi...finally,kita berdua dapat tinggi kan? hahaha...tahun ni aku mula solat jumaat dekat bangsar...kadang2 lepas solat kita tentu lepak dekat MPH...good times...good times...

2009,kita mula lepak lagi kerap setiap jumaat...memang best...kau bawa aku ke flat kau...that was a really,weird feeling i had at that time...bila kau dapat tahu yang aku suka minah tu? sebab aku tak ingat aku ada bagitahu kau...memandangkan kau bukan jenis yang ambil kisah pasal benda2 ni time tu,aku tak bagitahu banyak kat kau...i was really depressed this year and i've gone out with you really frequent kan? kau teman aku gi beli no maxis aku...memang banyak penipuan aku buat tahun ni...but in the end,semua terbongkar...bila ada no maxis ni,senang la kau mesej aku kan? takde dah complain mahal sangat...hahaha...lek lek...aku tak ingat bila,tetapi ada sekali aku bagi kau pegang hp aku...aku tulis dengan 'note' aku some 'dark words'...bila kau bagi balik,dekat 'note' tu tertulis,"even in the darkest darkness,there's always a little bit of light"...bila aku terfikir balik,aku ada bagi kau mesej dengan ayat tu...kau tulis balik ek? hahaha...kau datang sekali ke rumah lama masa aku ajak kau tu...that was...really a day...the future meets the past? haha...i really love that house...kau ada kata kat aku yang aku ni suka cari masalah...in a way kau betul...aku memang suka cari gaduh...suka cari masalah kan...ingat tak bila kita nak cari tudung kat amcorp tu? aku hilang kad touch n go tu? memang panik aku...tetapi kau just keep on smiling and say not to worry...oh yes...kau ada cadangkan aku buat satu lagi blog...to see if anyone gaves a comment and if anyone was like me...somewhere in september kau cakap kat aku,"is not all about you"...well,you're right...at that time,i was being selfish...things were just not right...tipikal la...aku baru turn 16...hormonal changes...a lot of hurting...

2010,u still stayed at the top...memang susah nak kalahkan kau...hampir setiap exam kau kalahkan aku...kau tak habis2 sindir aku kan...panas juga telinga aku kadang2...but,kau cakap tu ada betulnya...kadang2 bila aku down,kau akan tanya aku pagi2,"kau ok ke?"...aku asyik x jawab and i would just walk away...it's just hurting me to not tell you about how i felt...but i dont really know how to expain it...dalam SMKBB you're one of the 2 that really knows what i've been through...and i just kept on thinking that i dont want to burden you with my mistakes...with my problems...i cant even understand myself...well,i do...but it's just too complicated...ada sekali bila aku nak masuk movie yang farah nak buat tu,aku lepak dengan kau dekat library kan...dekat counter tu ingat? akhir2,aku give up sebab diorang tak panggil aku...well,actually diorang suruh duduk kat meeting room tu...tetapi i rather spend my time with you,i quit je la benda tu...malas aku nak tunggu kat sana...kalau aku tunggu kat sana,i'll get bored...hahaha....aku lepak dengan kau,kau pakai spek aku kan? then kau suruh aku ambil gambar kau...kau kata kau suka gambar tu sebab kau ada pakai something that's mine...hahaha...bila dah kita start studying together? mula2 every monday kan? then tukar ke selasa...aku tak boleh lupa,ada sekali tu,kita dah janji nak buat study kat bilik akses lepas sekolah,then,kau tak datang...cis...aku cari kau merata-rata tau...sampai la ada orang kata yang kau dah balik...esok tu aku tanya kau kenapa tak datang...kau kata sebab kau tak nampak aku...cis...actually hari tu aku tak rasa baik sangat...jadi,aku tak nak jalan banyak tempat...aku ingat kau akan datang cari aku la...tengok2 kau terus balik...aiya...then,masa hari jadi aku,kau bagi kad filled with quotes...thanks for that....i looked at it sometimes...masa hari jadi kau pula,aku cakap kat kau yang aku hargai kau datang jenguk aku setiap kali rehat...aku memang hargainya la...but as i remember,lepas tu,kau dah tak datang dah kat kelas aku setiap kali rehat...aku pun terfikir,"takkan sebab apa yang aku cakap hari tu?"...kau kan tak suka orang depend kat kau kan...so,aku pun decided,biar la...masa rehat aku pergi merayau la...memandangkan aku tak suka pergi library kalau takde cikgu...but bila dah,kau dah tak tanya aku apa kena dengan aku...i guess sebab SPM dah dekat kan...no use thinking about me anyway...ada hari selase ni,my head terganggu sikit by something...masa agama,kau nampak mata aku berair sikit...malam tu kau text aku,that if i want to talk,u're there...and i didnt sampai la malam keesokkan tu...aku dah fed up sangat...kau offer untuk cakap dengan dia about it,but aku kata aku tak nak dia tahu yang aku tahu...kau suruh aku cuba cakap dengan orang yang dapat ingatkan aku about 'what life is'...guess i wont see 'life' for a while...masa jamuan PRS tu,cikgu yeap dgn aku pergi ambil kau...dia kata kau gf aku...sebab aku puji kau lawa time tu...weird...hahaha...but natural la manusia fikir macam tu...ingat lagi time kita tipu cikgu faizal tu? hahaha...aduh...memang kita buat dia percaya yang kita ni bersama...kita nak tumpang dia kan? then kau kata kita nak pergi dating tu...aduh...cikgu2...ingat tak bila aku datang ke kelas kau dan aku menangis tu? boleh pulak kau tanya aku,"why r u crying?"....hahaha...its stupid...aku tahu...bila dah habis sekolah tu,kau marah aku lagi...15.8.10,kita pergi seminar kat segi tu...mengantuk gila...dah la puasa...aku jumpa kawan aku,andrew kat sana...kau tanya whether kevin ada ke tak...kau tak habis2 dengan kevin kan...malangnya dia takde...memang kau pergi cakap dekat andrew tu yang kau teman aku....amboi...mulut kau memang...kalau rumah aku kat bangsar,aku nak je ikut kau balik naik bas...i wasnt satisfied that day...masa teacher's day,kau nampak how i reacted depan dia dan kau kata,"i understand how u feel"...do you really? benda yang pasal friends tu,mana kau dapat? masih ada lagi dalam beg aku...ingat tak kau pernah cakap kat aku that you liked me more when i was depressed? gila kan kau...bila trials,kita sama taraf...but i still considered u to be smarter than me...that's why i didnt let u to give up during our SPM...bila form 3/4(aku tak ingat bila),kau kata aku ada semuanya...well,at that time,kau tak melihat semuanya lagi kan...i didnt have everything...money doesnt buy happiness...what bring happiness is friendship,love and success...

2011,aku mula teman kau makan kat tangga bila kau rehat...kinda weird though...kita keluar dgn efi,diyanah,mirza,nurul dan pai sekejap kan...kau pergi beli tiket tanpa aku...cis...kawan2 baik aku tak pernah dapat buat aku main arcade walaupun dah banyak kali cuba..kau? cuba sekali je dan aku dah mula main arcade...ish...kau bagi aku baca buku personaliti...kau suruh aku perbaikikan diri...that was then...then,kita pergi tengok burlesque! oh my....what a movie...memang tak tenang hati aku...kita keluar lagi dengan diyanah sebelum aku berangkat ke NZ...kau tak habis2,"seronok kan hidup single"...memang la seronok..

Those 4 years,really change me in a way...and i guess,the years changed you too...hahaha...a bit...dont worry...i really hope our friendship stands tall...and i'll try my best to not be hurt again...i never did know how to make the right decisions...im sorry if i ever hurt you in some way...but thanks for everything...i really appreciate it...setiap kali aku keluar dengan kau,aku tentu kena balik awal...memang susah nak ucapkan goodbye...but one day,when we're old enough,bila aku keluar dengan kau,you'll have me for the whole day...hahaha...tak kisah la apa kau nak buat...arcade ke...wayang ke...im down...like i said,kau banyak marah aku...but in a way,kau turut bagi nasihat...apa yang kau dah buat,memang tak ternilai...and i'll repay it someday...if you ever need help,im always there...kau dah masuk matrik...kau masih ada.but it feels different...maybe now aku dah tak boleh kacau kau dah sebab kau dah mula belajar? hahaha....good luck...thank you for everything...

(sorry for the late post ye...)

Stranger Like Me

Whatever you do, I'll do it too
Show me everything and tell me how
It all means something
And yet nothing to me

I can see there's so much to learn
It's all so close and yet so far
I see myself as people see me
Oh, I just know there's something bigger out there

I wanna know, can you show me
I wanna know about these
strangers like me
Tell me more, please show me
Something's familiar about these strangers like me

Every gesture, every move that she makes
Makes me feel like never before
Why do I have
This growing need to be beside her

Ooo, these emotions I never knew
Of some other world far beyond this place
Beyond the trees, above the clouds
I see before me a new horizon

I wanna know, can you show me
I wanna know about these strangers like me
Tell me more, please show me
Something's familiar about these strangers like me

Come with me now to see my world
Where there's beauty beyond your dreams
Can you feel the things I feel
Right now, with you
Take my hand
There's a world I need to know

I wanna know, can you show me
I wanna know about these strangers like me
Tell me more, please show me
Something's familiar about these strangers like me

...I wanna know

*There was a time,when you did something to me and this song was on...so,a few verses really match how i feel about our friendship..one does not...expecially the 2nd verse..you said that you don't want people to depend on you right...hehe...see it for yourself...the song was from Phil Collins from the movie Tarzan :)

Shamshiasharlina...

Berapa kali nama ni dah muncul dalam blog aku...haha...mari mulakan...kalau ada yg aku dah cerita,baca je la balik semula ye...sebab aku tak ingat apa yang aku dah cerita...

Form 2 : Aku jumpa kau...kau duduk kat belakang dengan syairah kan? ke aku salah? lupa dah...but aku ingat,ada sekali uztazah suruh kau baca dari buku teks...suara kau lembut betul...aku tanya khai(kot),"sape dia tu?"...dia bagitahu,"kau x payah kenal la"...well,it's kinda true sebab kita lain kelas and aku tak akan cakap dengan kau pun memandangkan aku still malu2 time tu...aku biarkan je la...but aku nampak kau lepak2 dengan syairah dengan nat memandangkan mereka berdua pernah sekelas dengan aku...stalking ar sikit...

Form 3 : Aku ingat lagi...aku jumpa kau dekat luar dekat tiang tu...kita borak2...well,it was fun...coz i was using you to try to forget about someone...haha..but at the same time,you told me that u were using me too...and i was like,"wow,this girl's good..."aku mula lepak dengan kau...seronok gak...sebab when im with you,memang masalah2 aku,aku hilangkan sementara...aku tak sure tetapi masa hari sukan 2008 tu,i felt something...probably time tu aku dah mula suka kau kot...aku ingat lagi lagu apa terpasang time tu...aku cuba kacau kau...nat pun asyik kacau kau dengan aku...well,semua dah mula ejek aku dengan kau time tu...aku mesej kau setiap hari...hampir setiap minggu kredit kau habis sebab aku kan...haha..dah la kau guna digi dulu...aku ingat ada sekali kau kena baca dari buku teks tetapi sebab suara kau perlahan sangat uztazah suruh orang lain bacakan...kau nangis lepas tu...aku x datang sekolah...and ada orang kata time tu kau kata yang kau nak luahkan dekat aku...tetapi aku x datang...and aku memang rasa menyesal...sejak tu,aku akan check dulu dengan kawan2 kau kalau kau ada hal penting ke tak sebelum aku x datang sekolah...ada juga bila aku tak datang ada orang kata yang kau tak biasa bila aku tak datang sekolah memandangkan time tu aku selalu lepak dengan kau kan...aku boleh faham la...finally aku fikir ada juga orang macam aku...but i made a grave mistake at the end of the year...kau memang baik la...aku ingat kau dapat trial 8A time tu...aku dapat 4A je...i was dissapointed but u looked really happy and i secretly try to make it to your level...aku asyik dengan buku je lepas tu...akhirnya,PMR...im not sure why at that time i have to looked for you before we sit for our exam...probably i need to be driven...paper last,GEO...lepas paper tu kau bawa acap keluar...kau tahu dah kan cerita ni kan..budak2 kat masjid ketawakan aku...bla bla bla...aku x mesej kau sampai hari isnin...hari isnin ni,bila aku tengah angkat barang2,kau tanya aku,"kau marah ke?"...aku jawab aku x tahu...bila rehat,kau tanya lagi...and aku bagitahu...aku childish...tahu la...kita naik ke kelas dan semua ok balik...hari ni ke yang kau tendang aku tu? siot betul...dah la kat tulang...haha...kita selalu je lepak dekat tepi makmal tu setiap kali rehat...setiap kali habis sekolah kita jalan sama2...sampai la satu hari,kau kata yang kita patut jauhkan diri sikit...takut orang fikir lain...kita dapat buat konsert amal...and you helped me in a way...when i got my 1st handphone...you were the 1st i wanted to show it to...and you were really excited too...you hold the phone the whole day...taking your own pics...tak segan ke? hahaha...aku bagi kau beberapa lagu kan? entah kau simpan lagi ke? kalau kau dah buang,takpela...lagu lama je...oh! you were my 1st friend on myspace right? mula la aku komen macam2...aku tengok gambar kau time kau pergi jamuan pps 2007...aku pun fikir balik,"la..ni ke sham"...aku baru teringat...ingat tak lepas konsert amal tu,aku ada cakap kat kau dekat mph yang cara aku layan kau bukan sebab aku suka kau...tetapi sebab aku ambil berat pasal kau..well,it was half right...then kau angguk je and kau heret aku ke satu rak dan kau kata,"aku tak nak kau datang sini x baca buku"...kau siap tanya aku lagi,"kau ni lelaki ke?"...kau juga yg 1st bawa aku naik bas kan...hari tu juga...lepas tu kita ada jamuan pps kita...aku duduk dekat satu kerusi ni...kau datang lewat,acap semua ejek la kan asal kau tak nak duduk sebelah aku...bila dah 10 min macam tu,kau anjak...it was fun...aku ambik gambar diorg...gambar kau...tapi kau segan time tu but aku cakap yg it was for kenangan...so,kau angkat balik kepala kau...the next week,aku tanya kau kenapa kau tak terus duduk sebelah aku...kau kata kau segan sebab kau seorang je yang pakai baju kurung...and kau selalunya perlukan masa sebelum dapat menyesuaikan diri kat sesuatu tempat...kita keluar 4 the 1st time bulan disember tu...tengok twilight dengan jega,sarah and shaza kan...kau kata aku dah ada janggut...siot...yang tu je kau perasan...and kau kata aku pakai jam lain...kau dah lupa ke? nyanyuk....hahaha...one of your friends said that we look cute together...i guess at that time semua kata macam tu...malam kita keluar tu,aku call kau...i guess,aku ada habit untuk call orang setiap kali aku keluar dengan kawan2...pelik kan...kau tanya dua benda yang agak mengelirukan aku...satu,kau selalu tanya soalan ni setiap tahun...satu lagi...aku lupa...tapi aku kata yang,"kalau jadi,jadi je la"...

Form 4 : Kau ajar aku naik LRT! memang best...aku bawa kau ke taman tu...ingat? kononnya nak suprise la kan...i dont even know why i did that at that time..kau kata yang tempat tu busuk...and kau nak makan...so,kita naik ke McD...bila kita naik lrt tu,kita cakap pasal hal yang kau kata kau takkan kahwin tu...kau suka tengok aku tersedak kat McD Bangsar tu kan...aku bangkitkan balik bila kat amcorp tu...kau tak pandang aku pun...dan aku cakap,"muka macam ni,xde hal la nak dapat lelaki"...kita sampai ke McD amcorp...nampak nurul...kita duduk lepak2...dan aku tanya pasal keadaan tangan kau...kau macam takut nak cakap pasal tangan kau...otw balik,kau cakap kat aku yang aku takkan jatuh hati pada kau...pandai betul aku berlakon kan...aku kata sekali lagi,"kalau jadi,jadi la"...lepas beberapa minggu...kita start bertikam lidah...hanya sebab aku tak dapat nak memahami perasaan aku sendiri time tu...tetapi sebab kau,aku mula pegang buku selain dari buku sekolah...hari terakhir syamil ada kat sekolah,aku cuba tenangkan diri sebab ada orang kata kau sedih aku buat macam tu kat kau...tetapi sejak tu,keadaan macam makin menjadi teruk je...kita makin kuat menyindir...tetapi time kau hilang duit tu,aku stop semua tu...tak baik la kalau nak terukkan lagi keadaan kau kan..bila nak dekat tarikh lahir kau,aku memang nak stop semua tu...dan memang berkesan...hahaha...kau pun mula baik balik dengan aku kan...time budak f4 tu cuba tackle kau tu...pe..memang berani...actually time tu aku tengah bengang...sabar je la....aku mana suka orang dapat tahu perasaan aku time tu...lagi2 kau...simpan baik2 la kerongsang tu ye...memang aku simpan gila2 duit aku untuk beli benda tu...ingat tak time aku kata aku nak pindah tu? tengok2 x jadi kan? serius...time tu,memang aku tak sampai hati..and the merdeka day...when you said to suresh,"kita sesuai kan"....hahaha...sakit perut aku...setiap open house yang kita berdua diajak,aku aim nak jumpa kau je...entah kenapa...time kenduri perkahwinan makcik nat tu,kau ajar aku naik ktm...ingat kat kerusi tu? apa kau cakap kat aku? hahaha...then birthday aku...im suprise you came...with all the fighting,im sure you wouldnt come...but thanks though....finally our final exam came...kita asyik lepak dalam bilik pn zaleha...time tu,ramai dah tahu aku ada hati kat kau...itu semua orang diam bila kau dekat dengan aku...rugi tau kau x datang kelas parti...best! ada komedi...ada drama sekali!

Form 5 : Kita sama kelas lagi...aku suka dan tak suka...kau dah tahu kan bahagian ni...kau tanya lagi soalan tu...memang tergamam aku nak jawab apa...every chance i get,aku akan cuba buat kau supaya pandang aku...time tu la...kita pindah kelas ke bilik media...aku cuba nak duduk sebaris dengan kau...tetapi takde kesempatan..memandangkan time ni baris aku sebaris belakang kau....aku selalu usha2 macam orang bodo je...hahaha...kau ada tanya pendapat aku about how do you look when u wore the puteri islam t shirt...do you remember what i told you? cause i dont...hahaha...masa hari sukan tu,masa terlekat dalam kepala aku...bila aku dah give up nak cuba lepak dengan kau,time tu la kau minta aku teman kau pergi beli air...gembiranya aku..hahaha...diam2 la....aku siap suruh beberapa orang bagi gambar kalau adanya kau...masa kem PPS...kau datang duduk sebelah aku bila aku keseorangan tu...ingat? kau datang bagi aku nasihat...memang itu yang aku perlukan time tu...keesokkan hari...kau pulak yang rebah...sedih aku tengok kau time tu...kau kadang2 sedih pasal dia..ada sekali bila kita baru habis kemas library..aku dengan kau je kat luar...aku tanya kat kau pasal nurul...time tu terpasang lagu ni...pe...memang sedih la teringat balik...cause kau tengah sakit...kau rindu dia...one day,mai minta yang form 5 dulu yang kena promosikan buku kan...aku yang kena mula dulu...pelik2...patutnya ketua la yang mulakan dulu...aku pulak kena...tetapi sebab korg pujuk,aku pun pergi buat dulu...lepas kem PPS,timbulnya kes slip tu...kita kena marah dengan cikgu2...memang hak kau untuk bagitahu orang atau tak...tetapi...hah...tak guna la nak cakap kan...kau bukan jenis tu...tetapi,memang aku risau gila time tu...dan aku tak nak tinggalkan kau walaupun dah habis sekolah...kau siap marah2 aku lagi...aku berdegil juga...maaf la...hal2 ni,aku keras kepala sikit...things seems to get worse for you...gaduh dengan tu dengan ni...time lawatan2 yang kita pergi tu,kau dah tahu kan...aku nak spend time dengan kau..bla bla bla...ada juga masa teacher's day...kau jatuh sakit...aku kena marah lagi...hahaha...kau memang kuat marah aku kan...aku juga yang tak dapat nak memahami kau...salah aku juga...time jogathon,ingat tak? aku kata kat kau yang aku tak nak lari sebab kau kata kau tak datang...tengok2 kau datang...aku decide nak lari juga...bila dah habis lari je,kau terus cabut ke bahagian PPS...time maulidul pun...kau pakai merah...fuyoh...hahaha...siap bernasyid....sampai hari merdeka...pe...that day was fun...kau tak datang hari tu kan...tiba2 aku dengar kau ada pakwe baru...tetapi sekadar khabar angin je la...tengok2,bagi kau,ye la...hitam2...ring a bell? setiap hari nampak kau lepak dengan dia...gembira je kan? hahaha...seronok je tengok...masa kem ibadah/pps pun...kau ada tersentuh sebab kata2 dia...waktu tu aku pelik la...lama2 aku faham la...time kem ibadah tu,aku x sanggup nak pandang kau pun...maybe sebab kem tu berkaitan dengan agama kan...so,x sesuai la nak usha2 time tu...ingat lagi sebelum raya aidiladha,kau marah dengan aku sebab aku macam kata kerja kau ponteng je...pe...aku cuak gila time tu...haha...tetapi tahun ni memang makin baik untuk aku...mata aku mula terbuka balik...aku pun dah pandai kekalkan jarak antara kau dengan aku...just keep it as friends...aku dengar lepas jamuan PRS tu,kau sedih...dan malam tu kau buat post kat blog kau...dan ia berlarutan sampai lepas cuti raya,hari khamis tu...kau cakap kat aku yang dia curang...melihat kau dalam keadaan macam tu...aku boleh faham sebab semua akan mengalaminya...tetapi aku turut jadi marah sekali lagi...hot tempered...ini la aku...tetapi nak buat macam mana kan...lelaki,memang jarang yang baik...kemudian masuk trials kita...time tu memang aku dah putus harapan dah...aku tak peduli sangat apa yang kau buat kat aku masa trials tu...beberapa orang dah tertanya samada kau ada perasaan kat aku atau x...aku buat bodo je...ingat lagi apa yang hannah tanya kau? hahaha...aku pelik je masa tu...sampai la kertas fizik paper 1/2 hari isnin tu...kau mula marah2 aku tak tentu pasal....tetapi dalam sejarah aku dengan kau,memang dah biasa kau marah aku tak tentu pasal....aku faham la kenapa...aku ni bukan semua orang suka pun...aku duduk diam je la dan cuba tanya kau bila kau dah tenang...tengok2 kau yang minta maaf dengan aku dulu pagi selasa sebelum paper fizik 3...aku pun,"aik? asal dia ni minta maaf?"...selalunya aku yang minta maaf dulu...ada sekali bila paper agama,aku duduk sebelah syairah kan...aku tak ingat siapa tetapi dia kata kau asyik pandang ke atas bila aku dengan yol...bila kau cakap yang kau nak naik tu,orang tu suruh aku ikut kau sebab dah ketara dah masa tu...aku still buat bodo...hahahaha....dont blame me...benda2 ni mana aku tak nak ada harapan sangat...lepas rehat paper fizik 3 tu...kau cakap semua...kau siap muka merah2 lagi...hahaha....comel je...hohoho...rabu tu,aku menyorok kat library....hahaha....bukan menyorok sebenarnya...kadang2 bila kau ada,fikiran aku tak waras sangat...bukan semalam je aku boleh fikirkan keputusannya tau...one of the hardest choice i've ever made...tetapi ada kawan2 aku ni kata yang apa2 pilihan yang aku buat,diorg akan sokong aku...aku pun teruskan je dengan kau...aku mula cerita semuanya kat kau...hari tu juga uztazah pandang kita pelik je...hahaha...mulalah saat2 yang pelik2...ramai juga marah sebab aku tak bagitahu apa jadi...sebenarnya dari open house pirol lagi aku dah mula pelik dengan kau...tetapi aku terlalu fokus untuk graduasi masa tu...aku bercadang nak pergi dengan syairah tetapi kena ubah plan la sebab kau dah berperasaan lain...kita pergi sama2 ke grad dan jamuan PPS tu...time tu memang aku rasa senang la sikit...junior2 aku x dapat cuba apa2 dah la kat aku....hahaha....bila masa grad tu kita kena duduk ikut nama,memang bosan...ingat boleh duduk sebelah kau...hahaha...cikgu dah fikirkan semuanya....tetapi adil la...dengan tu,teratur sikit majlis tu...aku jumpa parents kau hari tu...well,ayah kau aku tak jumpa la tetapi dia pandang aku semacam...lepas tu,kita belajar je...masuk kelas2 kat mini dewan tu...apa dah panggil kelas2 tu...suresh duduk antara kita dan dia tanya kau kalau kau nak duduk sebelah aku ke tak...kau jawab aku cuma dapat mengganggu fikiran kau je...time tu,memang la kan...hahaha...sampaila ke hari yang aku kena ajar seorang ni maths...dan kau lari ke belakang...kau tak sanggup nak tengok...ni kita mula buat babak "you'll be in my heart" dalam cerita tarzan tu...hohoho...sekali lagi kau marah sebab aku macam tak buat kau at the top of my list...lepas tu,memang kau je yang aku prioritize...tetapi kau memang tak ganggu la aku study...pandai tak aku...hahaha..sampai la ke SPM...lepas paper EST kita keluar tengok narnia...memang best...kita tak jumpa sampai la 29 disember tu...kita jumpa diyanah sebelum dia masuk plkn...kita tengok tron hari tu...malangnya aku kena sakit kepala hari tu...balik2,muntah je....

2011 : kau pergi dapatkan kerja...aku sibuk bercuti...hahaha...lepas tu kita cuma boleh text je...kau selalu cuba ensure kat aku supaya jangan terasa sangat bila ada lelaki lain...ada sekali bila kita masih kat sekolah,dekat meja dekat tandas tu,kau cakap yang aku cakap aku tak nak benda ni tahan dan lepas spm kita pergi ke arah masing2...bukan aku bermaksud kena putus...tapi kau dah faham kan bab ni...aku bawa nat sekali jumpa kau dekat borders...memang rasa macam lama tak nampak muka kau...nat senyum2 je kat aku lepas tu...ejek aku...cis...aku keluar dengan kawan aku ni dan bila kau dapat tahu,memang naik angin la...memang,salah aku...aku pun tak terfikir...aku patut bagitahu kau awal2...selepas aku dah habis 6 jam training driving aku,aku pergi ke mid nak suprise kat kau...tetapi tak jadi...aku jumpa acap je...mirza kata yang kau cuti hari tu...aku balik je dan akhirnya meluluskan ujian memandu aku...hehehe! but the feeling doesnt last long...bila aku keluar sekali lagi nak buat suprise kat kau,akhirnya menjadi in a way...in another way,my plan fail...bunga tu dah mati la kan? kakak tu kata yang dia boleh tahan 4 hari je...sampai la ke results kita baru kita jumpa sekali lagi...kau asyik nak balik cepat...boleh difahami la kan...dapat results yang tak disangka-sangkakan...tetapi macam biasa,kau tak nak bagitahu...aku siasat sendiri...dalam pendapat aku la,it's not that bad...takde fail...semua kredit...but sebab kita harapkan yang lagi tinggi kan...that's what hurt the most...one of the baddest day of my life...kemudian dapat mesej dari kau pagi jumaat tu...fikiran terganggu? yup...but macam kau sendiri pernah kata,benda ni takkan tahan...bila aku dah balik dari NZ dan jemput kau ke kenduri kakak aku tu,aku memang harap la kau boleh datang...and you did...thanks for that...kau siap pakai merah lagi...memang mata terlekat je la macam tu...haha...tetapi kau kata yang bila kau pegang tie kau tu,kau teringat the happy days? maksud kau? tak faham aku...hahaha

I dont know that you know or you pretend that you dont know that i've read your blog...why you didnt tell me in the 1st place? i would understand...to hold so much feelings inside you...that must've hurt...dah la sama tempat kerja...even when you talked about him or go out with him...memang boleh nampak la...he's in your top list...dia memang pandai...memang baik...memang ambil berat pasal kau...hensem boleh dikatakan juga...complete la untuk kau kan...dia berkeyakinan..dia pandai buat kau senyum...dia pencinta ilmu...dan dia memang seorang yang penyabar dengan kau...bagi kau,cukup la setakat kawan dulu kan...bagus2...belajar dulu...harap kau akan bahagia di dunia baru,kawan2 baru...dan mungkin juga 'orang' baru? hahaha...good luck...belajar baik-baik dan jangan la lupakan kawan2 di sini ye...kau banyak ubah benda2 dalam diri aku...kalau kau perlukan apa2,text je la...no need to be shy...haha...terima kasih atas segala-galanya...semoga berjaya...Shamshiasharlina...