Raya...

Damn it...the feelings are back again...last year i had syairah to hold back the feeling around this time last year...this year...i can't expect it from anyone else...bak kata melissa...what am i supposed to then?

Every year it's the same old thing..i miss my grandma...i miss the old house we use to live in...my kg...the smell of the wooden building...the sound of the wooden door...every year,everytime we got there she'll be there...waiting for us...with that warm loving smile...and at that time,my granddad can still move...he can still pray...he can still talk to us...every raya i would bring back my power rangers cd to watch when all of my cousins are away...being the only son is hard even when i was a kid...i would play around with my cousins at the door...goofing off...playing power rangers...i watch power rangers there...i could still remember that it shows around 7.30 at night..after azan maghrib...Every morning i would see she will talk with my mum...in front of the tv...they will always open tv1,tv2,or tv3...unlike me who always open astro channels...

Everytime i open the tv,she would always told me to watch shows other than cartoons...funny...until now,i still watch cartoons...she once stayed at my house..she stayed in my room...everytime i play games,she would only look at me and asked me if i have study...i still remember there was once,i had a feeling something bad was going to happen...the next day,turns out she wont let me go to school...my mum said that my grandma said if a child has that kind of feeling,it's better to listen...at that year,i got to play the game Chrono Cross...then comes raya 04...we had to take a picture as a family...it's a good thing we did...coz i never thought that would be our last raya..that raya was also the most quiet raya...

Now,everytime i hear a chrono cross song....i'll think of her...i'll think of the raya we spent together..sometimes,in the morning,when itt is in the right conditions,i'll think of her too...every raya i'll think of her...every raya,there will be this kind of feeling..im not sure what...is it the feeling of lost? where are you nur syairah norayeen....