Family...

Im in my 3rd week..and my heart is still troubled everytime i leave home...why?

I questioned myself everyday...last year,i like to spend more time at school than at home...why?

Is it because i have people that i could count on? but i still felt lonely,but this time...it's different...

When i was in form 4,i vowed to spent as much time as possible with my family...because during that time,2 of my juniors lost their dad at a very young age...

I don't want to do something that i would greatly regret later...

So,everytime my father ask if i want to follow,i would and it became common for me to follow him anywhere at anytime...even for my mum i would do the same...

As time goes by,they wouldn't need to ask me if i want to follow because the answer will always be the same and that is,"yes"...

About 2 years ago,i set up my mind to make them happy in everything that i do...i tried to make them laugh...i tried to make them smile...although im not as good as my sister,but i do keep them company...they know that they can talk to me about anything...

I always wanted to take care of them...no matter how tough things that they will ask me to do,i'll do it so that theri burden would lessen...

Am i just a family guy? or is it just that im weak...

Or i just have abandonment issues...

I just wish that i can take this sadness away...the saying,"you never know how much someone worth is until you really lose them.." is true...i've always felt lonely at school but when i reach home,the loneliness lessen because i can talk to them about something else...it takes my mind out of those things...but now,i feel lonelier than ever..

Everytime i reach my room,i realise,"oh...my parents is at home..."

Everytime i open my eyes when i woke up from my sleep,they're not here...they're at home...

It's just...i don't even know how to describe it...i thought the fact that i lost my ex was hard...i think i rather feel losing her than to feel parentssick...

At least those kind of feelings i could stop the tears...but this,it's far worse...

I miss my parents...it's stupid because they are only about 30 mins away from me...so why do i miss them so much..?