Goodbye...

In the years to come,
Will you think about these moments that we shared?
In the years to come,
Are you gonna think it over,
And how we lived each day with no regrets?
Nothing lasts forever though we want it to,
The road ahead holds different dreams for me and you,

In a year from now,
Maybe there'll be things,
we'll wish we'd never said,
In a year from now,
Maybe we'll see each other,
Standing on the same street corner, no regrets
Each and every end is always written in the stars,
If only I could stop the world,
I'd make this last,

And when you need my arms to run into,
I'll comfort you,
Nothing will ever change the way I feel

Sometimes goodbye,
though it hurts in your heart,
is the only way for destiny,
Sometimes goodbye,
though it hurts,
is the only way now for you and me
Though it's the hardest thing to say
I'll miss you every day,
So say goodbye
But don't you cry
`Cause a true friendship never dies...

My funny friends & me...

This is something i want to right about the ones who i really appreciate...

1st: Mohd Akmal

Akmal Yahya! Muahaha! U've help me alot in this past 2 years....Even if u didnt notice it,but trust me,u did alot...U taught me that this world is not my playground. There were other things that matter besides my own feelings...Im not as clever as i thought i was...im not the boy i used to be because u showed my something different,u showed me something pured...i think u know where i pick up the lines from eyh? Keep the paper that i gave u...u thought me to be more confident and to be more 'manly'....haha! thx bro! Anyway,gud luck in ur future! I hope u do well like u make me did well in my quest....Hope 4 the best eyh pakcik!

2nd: ShamshiaSharlina

Sham/kecik! Honestly,i really don't know wut to say....U've help me alot for the past few months....i dont know....if it wasnt 4 u,i dont think i can get to where i am now...u taught me something about life...u're also the push that i needed to succeed...and i did...i got wut i needed 4 my education 4 now...but i still have a long way to go...i dont know wut will happen next year...wutever it is,ive got the deal with it without ur help anymore eyh...i will definitely miss u if u go to asrama next year...U can go the distance! A whole new world is in front of u! Gud luck sham!

3rd: Amirul Naim

Sani2! U always make me laugh...even when in tough situations...Thx! U make more stronger than i used to be...Gud luck in asrama!

4th: Maisarah ZulkePLE!

Endon2! Dont know wut to say....u've been a gud fren and a gud sister to me...u make me laugh with ur hair styles! We've always fight,but that wut makes us best fren eyh? hahah! thx and gud luck!

5th: Epi!

Efi...u taught me something valuable(actually i learn it by myself but u did give me pointers)....u taught me about humans and with their attitudes and personalities...i still use that knowledge to study on some people..muahaha!

To my frens that i wrote up here,just want to say,
no matter how things may change,never forget who u are....

*We may never meet again,but we will never forget each other*

Gud luck guys!

Like and love....wut's the difference???

ehm...im confuse bout something....my gud and loyal fren(cant name that person) said that the person loves me as a fren...but my other fren said that the person likes me as a fren...so,wuts the diff??? ehm...anyway...dont know why...but suddenly,i just felt sad....i just called my fren bout 2 hours ago...and she said something bout her crush...i dont know...it seems a little odd....i dont think i have any feelings towards her...maybe coz i just dont 'click' with her crush eyh....ehm...maybe so....another battle i have to face....will i win,or will i lose?

Round & round...

She likes to party
From night til dawn
No doubt about it
She’s got what you want
She’ll chew you up boy
You’d better watch out
So give up, better stop
She’ll drop you from the top

She’s never sorry
She’s got no fear
Take all your money
And then disappear
Don’t play with fire
You’re gonna get burned
So give up,
better stop
She’ll drop you from the top

That Girl means trouble
There’s no way out
She'll take your taste
and then she'll throw you out her mouth
She's not your lover
Ya better wake up

‘Cause it may be too late
for you to get out...

Round and Round
She likes to boogie,
drop you down onto the floor
Round and Round
She likes to boogie,
make you scream and beg for more

I went up to the party
And saw a wicked girl
She turned my life from inside out
And left a shattered world
If only she would call me
My life would be at ease
It goes up and down
Round and round...

She’s the badest girl
you’ve ever seen
She will hunt you down
and chase you in your dreams
I don’t need another love like that
Are you ready to believe???

The Art Of Letting Go...

Put away the pictures,
Put away the memories,
I put over and over
Through my tears
I've held them till I'm blind
They kept my hope alive
As if somehow that I'd keep you here
Once you believed in a love forever more?
How do you leave it in a drawer?

Try to say it's over
Say the word goodbye,
But each time it catches in my throat
Your still here in me
And I can't set you free
So I hold on to what I wanted most
Maybe someday we'll be friend's forever more
Wish I could open up that door

Watching us fade
What can I do?
But try to make it through the pain
of one more day
Without you...

Now here it comes, t
he hardest part of all
Unchain my heart that's holding on
Where do I start,
to live my life alone?
I guess I'm learning,
Learning the art of letting go....

no topic

ah...damn it! atiqah,sue yin...acap...dont know how u guys do ti...but u guys seems so lucky in love....looks like there someone else who has love prob....yeah..and we're both r very frustrated about love...we're just dont know wut to do about the girl that we love...i dont mind about being an underdog but...in love,it's hard...i love this girl,but i hate her...but i miss her...but at the same time i like another girl...im so confused...even if i choose one,i cant have either of them...in my experience,ive never been enough for someone that i like...

Oh man....

another boring day...dont know wut to do...ps2 is getting boring...dont know where to go when im online...dont know wut to watch....it's so damn boring....i wish i could sms with someone...but unfortunately,my num is in celcom..most of my frens r in maxis and digi...when im bored,ill eventually will think about my probs...owh yeah...i am like u said acap,emo-24-7...i wonder...this turmoil im in...is it just me,or is everybody facing the same thing??? not to me...they all look so happy...maybe salwani is right...i am thinking about my problems too much...but i can help it...when im alone or bored,ill eventually will think of something...and that something is my problem...i just cant like let my problems just slide away...it's just so hard to not think about it....(sori if i make someone angry or irritated with something i wrote)....

Boring...

argh!!! school's over but it's so boring...i never thought that i'll be saying this but i miss school...all those months ive spend with my frens....especially with my closest...dont know wut to write anymore...it's so boring that i could sleep the whole day...but today was quite ok...dyana had an open house this evening..it was fun...almost all of my frens were there...i took a lot of pictures...i miss my frens...akmal,sham,naim abu,naim sani,mai...and the others...

Paradise!

I live the long life
To get to where I am right here
I walk the long road
With just the wind in my hair
All I have is my smile
I began to lose track
I walked on for miles
And I never looked back

I’m not the kind of guy
To get left out in the cold
Walked on forever
And I’ll never grow old

Don’t wanna live the real life
Working nine to five
Find a piece of paradise
Finally feel alive
I live my life to the fullest
I have no regrets
I’d have to stack the deck
To win all my best

I count the minutes
Til I can run little love and affection
If you can feel the same way
Put your arms around me
And I’ll show you the way
Wanna change your destiny
Re-write ancient history

But I know
I’ve been searching for
That place to call my own
All of my life
It’s been in my soul
Now I know

I feel a fire burning
Deep inside my soul
I hold onto my destiny
And I’ll never let it go
Cuz I live my own life
Found what I set out to
And I’ll never look back
Because I found paradise
Devote my whole life to
Never giving up again
Follow your heart, your mind, your soul
Hold onto your dreams
And never let them go...

Jamuan makan PPS!

Yesterday was so great! Yesterday was fun! Ive never had that so much fun since the pps camp! As usual,my best frens did most of the fun! Sham,Mai,Naim,Faiz & Acap. Such a shame that Akmal and Amirul Naim cant be there...first,as usual,they gosip me with sham,but i dont mind coz i know that i dont love her more than a fren..then,we ate together..just like 1 big happy family. Naim as usual,appeared almost every picture ive taken...ive got to take a picture of the girl that i love! Muahaha! Even though it's just a normal lunch party,but 4 me,it was more than that...thx to all my frens who were there to spend time with me...

sick with u...

It's more than a habit
I'm more than an addict
I'm parked here outside of your door
Know you never lock it
Got your keys in my pocket
Lights all out
But I know for sure I am ...

Ten steps away from you
From you and him
Redemption, is that a sin?

You walk by the river
As you start to shiver
Two headlights are following you
As he pulls you closer
My engine's ticking over
It's my choice
To do what I do

I'm talking 'bout a split decision
Made in anger you know
I'm talking something that could change my life forever
Is it worth it? No
Is it worth it? No
Should I stay here and watch the show?
Or maybe ... it's time to go

I'd never run him over
I wouldn't wanna dent my car
I'd never rip your throat out
Cos that could leave a nasty scar
So I'm gonna go out
Get drunk with my friends
Try to get myself outta this funk
I'd never screw my life up
Because of how sick you are...

Friends...

yes!!!looks like wut i have been thinking all this time was not true...thanks sham 4 telling me the truth!!!and thanks to khairi and asyraf too...without khairi and asyraf,maybe i am still angry towards her rite now...thanks guys!i counldnt have the courage to confront her coz i am too scared that history might repeat itself...i thought that i have lost one,i dont wanna lose anyone anymore....but this time,maybe i wont....but wut about next year?i wonder?will she still be around?just have to wait and see...wutever the results is,i just have to accept it...but at least,sham apologize...unlike this particular someone...he/she just care about the cool guys or girls...maybe that's why...im not cool...ok,i admit it...im not cool,ive got nothing...im boring...but listen here,when u have great/true frens like mine,u wont need to be cool..u wont need to have like hundrends of money to impressed people...u wont need to act someone u aint...u dont have to cast away your feelings just to make people happy...in my opinion,that's kinda dumb...like me,when i have a problem,i just ask 4 advice from my frens...they had help me alot...each one of them has change a little bit of my life...example like asyraf,he make me realise that this particular someone was not worth it..yeah,and owh boy, he was rite...next example,sham,she had help me alot...she had done very good deeds to me...uncountable deeds...each and one my frens,akmal(yahya),amirul naim,sham,mai(zulkeple),asyraf,khairi,syafiq(cekal),faisal and many more had help me so much...i just wish i could return the favor...but im not sure if i can...anyway,guys,if ure reading this,thank u so much!i wont ever 4get wutvere u have done to me...to those i gave poems were the specials ones...hehehehe...anyway,wutever rite or wrongs u guys have done to me,u guys r always in my heart no matter how far away we r....thanks!

It's over!

Finally....the PMR is over....im kinda relieved but somehow kinda sad...it's just that PMR is over but my problem is just starting...i wonder...am i the only one who has this kind of problems? owh,and wafa,if u're reading this,i just want 2 say sorry...i know wut i did was wrong...but i was full with anger that time...but u should have confront him instead of just giving me clues...u know im not as smart as u....im dumber that u can imagine...that's why i cant tell if someone's truly want to be my fren or not....today,yeah...im kinda happy that i dont have to read books 247 anymore but something happen 2day....it's just breaks my heart...this is not the 1st time this thing happen to me...it has been twice...i dont know..am i really easy to be fooled with?am i ever enough to be a good fren to somebody?can i satisfied even 1 person with wut i have?when i do something nice,i never expect for something in return..NEVER...but when i found out that this particular someone didnt invite me to go somewhere with he/she instead she invited someone that she's not that very close,im feel really useless...like wut i did was never enough 4 he/she...2 months ago,i though my probs was over,looks like it's just starting....

sorry...

Broken hearts and last goodbyes
Restless nights, but lullabies
Helps make this pain go away
I realize I let you down
Told you that I'd be around
I'm building up the strength just to say,

I'm Sorry
For breakin' all the promises
That I wasn't around to keep
It's on me
This time is the last time
I will ever beg you to stay
But you're already on your way

Filled with sorrow, filled with pain
Knowing that I am to blame
For leaving your heart out in the rain
And I know you're gonna walk away
And leave me with the price to pay ,

I can't make it alive on my own
But if you have to go
Then please go,
Just leave me alone
Cause I don't wanna see
You and me goin' our separate ways I
'm begging you to stay
If it isn't to late ...

sori..

owh..btw to all my girl friends(kwn perempuan),im sori...but i need a little more time...sori if my coldness got to u guys...plz understand...and if u guys have any way to help me,plz send me a sms or a message or a comment....

Am i just a tool? or a fool?

i officially dont get her...she wrote me letter saying that she wanna be friends with me again....of course,after so long i havent talked to her....she hurted me very bad...and now,she got a new 'bff',i guess it proves im not that important as she says i am to her...she said that she wanna be friends with me again but she has done nothing but hurt me more...now,my heart is really torn apart...bcoz of her,i cant really trust girls anymore(sori atiqah,sue yin)....it's just so hard to regain my confidence and my trust against my guts again...that's why im such a coward,shy and quiet...that's why i've been so cold these few days..im just so scared to trust anyone...for now,the one i can really trust is akmal,sham and melissa...she's a hypocrite...everytime when she says she's gonna do something,she never did...am i just a tool for her to play with? each time she got bored with her other tools,she goes to me? maybe,i am a fool...sham said to just forget about her...but it just so hard seeing her everyday...last friday was fun...i stayed back with sham and mel...and we were at the surau...and as usual,we studied of course..PMR is just a month a way...but 4 the 1st time in 2 years,at that time,i was totally myself....i dont know why but at that time,they bring out myself that i locked myself away for too long...but that was only that time...that's my prob i guess..i cant bring out the REAL me...i hope someday,i can...

Kawan baik?

aduh...izudin2...nape la ko bersikap sedemikian kepada aku skrng? kenapa ko fikir yg aku fikir ko rampas wafa daripada aku? aku x pernah berfikir sedemikian terhadap ko...aku cuma minta ko jaga wafa...buat dia bahagia...aku x mampu...aku hanya menambahkan lagi kesengsaraannya...ko pernah jadi kwn baik aku...tapi skrng aku mula sangsi terhadap ko...maafkan aku..mungkin aku je bukan kwn yg baik..sebab tu wafa pon jauhkan diri daripada aku...kalau sape2 yg baca ni...fhm la kedudukan aku...kalau korg masih nak kutuk aku,kutuk la...aku jenis yg 'open'...kalau ada yg x puas hati ckp je la....aku akan cuba untuk buat korg gembira seberapa yg aku mampu..atiqah...sue yin...

4 u...

I gotta say what's on my mind
Something about us
doesn't seem right these days
life keeps getting in the way
Whenever we try,
somehow the plan
is always rearranged
It's so hard to say
But I've gotta do what's best for me
You'll be ok..

Don't wanna leave it all behind
But I get my hopes up
and I watch them fall everytime
Another colour turns to grey
and it's just too hard to watch it all
slowly fade away
I'm leaving today 'cause I've
gotta do what's best for me
you'll be ok..

I've got to move on and be who I amI just don't belong hereI hope you understandWe might find our place in thisworld somedayBut at least for nowI gotta go my own way...

ME:
What about us?
What about everything we've been through?

Her:
What about trust?

Me:
you know I never wanted to hurt you

Her:
and what about me?

Me:
What am I supposed to do? I gotta leave but I'll miss you

When the one you want doesn't want you...

When you come back I won't be here
She said and gently pulled me near
If you want to talk you can call
And no it's not your fault

I just smiled and said let go of me
But there's something that I've just gotta know
Did someone else steal my part?
She said it's not my fault

I was drifted in between
Like I was on the outside looking in,
In my dreams you are still here
Like you've always been

I gave myself away completely
But you just couldn't see me
Though I was next to you
'Cause someone else was on your mind
In your head...

When I came to see her she wasn't there
Just a note left on the stairs
If you want to talk give me a call.....

Then my heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you............

Where do i go?

Where do I go?
Every direction seems to be against the flow
And who will I be?
What does it mean to just be me?

Did I let you down?
My good intentions never seem to come around
And I have to believe
That there's an answer I can see

So tired of havin' to choose
Where I'll be and what I'm gonna do?

I can't tell what's up or down
My head's spinnin' all the time
Every time that I turn around,
There's another useless sign
I wanna know but I don't know
Which way I'm gonna go
Where will I go?
Which way will I go?

Lost in confusion
I feel like I'm losin' it all
With all this confusion,
Now who's gonna break my fall?
There's no one left to call
Nothing is clear
Where do I go from here?

The Truth?

Smlm aku dah kata kata dia...yg aku suka dia...rupa2nya dia dah lama tahu...sebab tu dia selalu mengelakkan diri dari aku...dia juga ada kata yg ada reason lain dia mengelakkan diri tetapi x leh ckp...aku rasa aku tahu...mungkin sebab aku x cukup lawa untuk dia...dia juga ada kata yg aku ni terlalu baik untuk dia..aku rasa dia sengaja ckp mcm tu untuk pujuk aku..dia minta aku jadi kwn je...hari ni masa kat sekolah,dia pandang aku tetapi aku x sanggup nak pandang dia..bukan sebab aku benci dia tetapi sebab aku nak bataskan pergaulan aku ngan dia..aku nak cuba sebaik yg mungkin untuk mengelakkan diri dari dia..walaupun dia minta aku jadi kwn...aku x sanggup...kalau aku jadi kwn dia tetapi terasa bila dia ngan seseorg,aku lagi tersekasa...mcm tadi...bila nak balik sekolah,masa kat surau,aku pandang Syaza(probate form1)tetapi sambil tu,dia pon tengah pandang aku..aku pon pandang tempat lain...aku x sanggup...aku x mampu...aku memang menyesal sebab aku memang nak kekalkan jadi kwn je...memang salah aku sebab jatuh hati pada dia...skrng ni...hubungan kita dah x jadi mcm dulu...memang dah berbeza...aku x sepatutnya jatuh hati pada dia....ini lah kebenarannya....

Menyampahnya aku!!!

Adoi...sorg perempuan ni memang suka sakitkan hati aku..padanla gaduh ngan gang dia sendiri...bnyk org kata aku suka dia tapi sebenarnya aku hanya ambik berat tentang dia...atiqah,jika ko baca ni,fikirla balik...aku x suka dia...buang masa je aku ambik berat tentang dia,tengok2,dia x ambik berat pon pasal aku...damn!!!!....kenapala aku terlalu bodoh x nampak semua ni....dia boleh pulak panggil aku ni mcm habuk di jln?!...maksudnya segala yg telah aku buat untuk dia,x berguna la...x berbaloi...betol kata Faisal dan Fikri..aku x sepatutnya ambik berat sngt pasal dia...dia hanya fikirkan nak Hakim je...dia x pernah terfikirkan ada org lain yg perlukan dia?...aku perlukan dia...aku syng dia mcm adik sendiri..dia pulak,hanya anggap aku mcm habuk....Atiqah...Sue Yin....kalau aku ada bertindak mcm jerk kat korg..tlng maafkan aku....aku sedar yg bnyk org x suka aku...even dia...aku akan cuba ubah sikap aku...

Specially for you...

You know I try to be
All that I can
But there's a part of me
I still don't understand
Why do I only see
What I don't have
When my reality
Its things are not that bad

I never saw the way
You sacrificed
Who knew the price you paid
How can I make it right I know I've gotta try
Your faith has shown me that
And I hope that you can see
You're everything that I wanna be

When my world goes crazy
You won't let go
When the ground gets shaky
You give me hope
When I try to push you away
You never move
Now when I start doubting and
You help me see
There's a strength, and a mind, and a power in me
Oh believe me there ain't nothing I can't do
My hero is you...

Girl..Im the one....

I'm hiding in a bush outside your window
I'm feeling sick and numb
Fed all my best lines to my best friend
So he could be the one
But I'm jerk because it worked
And I've just realised what I've done

Guess I'll never be the guy to get the girl
Set it up so that he could rock your world
Promise me when you scream you fake it

So maybe I should just go home now A
nd let you have your fun
It doesn't make it any easier
I live across the street but one
But if that clown let's you down
Girl, you know where to come

Yes I could've been the guy to get the girl
Yes i could've been the guy to rock your world
But I'm not, so I've got to face it

can't believe you're at my door
Cos he confessed that he'd been cheating
Suddenly a chance for me to tell the secret I'd been keeping
I am the one

You said you valued his integrity
And honesty is rare
He swore to you he'd never cheat again
He cried and said he cared
Well, he's a jerk because it worked

Holly, I'm the one you should be dating
Seeing you with him is so frustrating
I taught him everything he knows
You fell for ever single line I gave him
He's just a fraud cos i'm the one who made him
He used to be my best friend now I hate him
And it sucks that he won
Cos he's a jerk and you're amazing
I know that I'm dumb
But girl ... I'm the one....

Memories

In this world you tried
not leaving me alone behind
There's no other way
I prayed to the gods let her stay
The memories ease the pain inside,
now I know why

Made me promise I'd try
to find my way back in this life
I hope there is a way
to give me a sign you're ok
Reminds me again it's worth it all
so I can go home

All of my memories
keep you near I
n silent moments imagine you'd be here
All of my memories keep you near
Your silent whispers,
silent tears

Together in all these memories
I see your smile all the time
All the memories I hold dear
Darling, you know I'll love you
'til the end of time....

Breath Easy...

Cruel to the eye
I see the way he makes you smile
Cruel to the eye
Watching him hold what used to be mine
Why did I lie?
What did I walk away to find

Curse me inside
For every word that caused you to cry
Curse me inside
I won't forget,
no i won't baby,
I don't know why
I left the one i was looking to find

Out of my mind
Nothing makes sense anymore
I want you back in my life

I... can't breathe easy
Can't sleep at night
Till you're by my side
No I... can't breathe easy
I can't dream yet another dream
Without you lying next to me
There's no air....
That's all I'm breathing for

Walking Away...

Sometimes some people get me wrong,
when it's something I've said or done,
sometimes you feel there is no fun,
that's why you turn and run,
but now I truly realise some people don't wanna compromise,
well I saw them with my own eyes spreading those lies,

Well I'm so tired baby,
things you say you're driving me away,
whispers in the powder room ,
don't listen to the games they play,
girl I thought you'd realise I'm not like them other guys,
coz I saw them with my own eyes,
you should've been more wise,
and well I don't wanna live a lie,
too many sleepless nights,
not mentioning the fights,
I'm sorry to say lady,

I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away to find a better day....

Answers....?

But,for a certainty,back then,
We loved so many, yet hated so much,
We hurt others and were hurt ourselves,

Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
Whilst our laughter echoed,
Under cerulean skies....

Questions....?

What was the start of all this?
When did the cogs of fate begin to turn?

Perhaps it its impossible to grasp the answer now..
Form deep within the flow of time....

Go The Distance...

I have often dreamed,
of a far off place
Where a heros welcome,
would be waiting for me
Where the crowds will cheer,
when they see my face
And a voice keeps saying,
this is where Im meant to be
Ill be there someday,
I can go the distance
I will find my way,
if I can be strong
I know evry mile,
will be worth my while
When I go the distance,
Ill be right where I belong
Down an unknown road,
to embrace my fate
Though that road may wander,
it will lead me to you
And a thousand years,
would be worth the wait
It might take a lifetime,
but somehow Ill see it through
And I wont look back,
I can go the distance
And Ill stay on track,
no, I wont accept defeat
Its an uphill slope,
but I wont lose hope
Till I go the distance,
and my journey is complete
But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part
For a heroes strength is measured by his heart
Like a shooting star,
I will go the distance
I will search the world,
I will face its harms
I dont care how far,
I can go the distance
Till I find my heros welcome,
waiting in your arms
I will search the world,
I will face its harms
Till I find my heros welcome,
waiting in your arms...

What Hurts The Most...

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again
I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do...

I Had It...

This goes to 'you'....

What happened to you
You've played the victim for so long now in this game
What i thought was true It's made of fiction and i'm following the same

But if I try
To make sense of this mess I'm in
I'm not sure where I should begin
But if I had to say goodbye to leave this hell
I'd say my time has served me well
I'm falling
I'm falling

It's none of my concern
Why look to me because I don't believe in fame
I guess you never heard I've met our makers
They don't even know your name

Now I'm in over my head,
with something i said
Completely misread
, I'm better off dead
And now I can see,
how fake you can be
This hypocracy's beginning to get to me

This came long before those who suffer more
I'm too awake for this to be a nightmare
What's with my disgrace
I lost the human race
No one plans for it to blow up in their face

Who said it was so easy to put back all of these pieces
Over my head, better off dead....

Different?

huh....i just dont get the guys(and girls) at my skool...They r treating me differently from anyone else...why?I ask my so-called bff why she and the others r treating me differently....guess wut she answered........she said that im different...she said that if anyone wants to talk to me they will think twice before saying anything to me...wut do they mean?is it got to do with me being sentimental and stuff?is wrong for me for being sentimental?ive lost so many precious things in the last 4 years..how could i not be so sentimental?they just dont get me...for them,im just a freak....or at least that's what my used-to-be friends called me...i ask sue yin to help me ask my so-called-bff wut does she mean that im different...she said that im "not shy"...wut does she meant?even if im different from them,but from what way?for them,being different is weird...just great...this tuesday i got an intervensi test and i havent studied yet..and just this afternoon,i heard that my crush has a new BF since friday/thursday..great....she only thinks me as her friend...she doesnt have a clue that i like her...i can only support her...she cant love a guy like me...a 'freak' like me...i bet even her new bf is hot...coz her ex is hot...im not....im happy for her,i really do that she has forgotten about her ex,but i feel sad coz she doesnt like me...she will never like a guy like me...coz im different....damn it.....

Why?

I dont get it....wut does friendship means for the people at smkbb?the meaning of friendship for them is different from mine....for me...friends r the one that will guide u through life...best friends r there when u need them and BFFs r the one that will stay with us forever...last year,i met a girl....she was really great...she has taught me alot but in the begining of this year,she's change....i love her like a sister....we were close but she dont want to be so close coz she's afraid that her bf might break up with her..too late...now she doesnt entertain me like last year...i miss the old times...she even said that we're r bffs....only me & her...but now i know the reasons why she doenst entertain me anymore...coz she only entertain boys that have looks,smart,funny and other things...i dont have all of that...i feel sad....i cant do anything...last tuesday,first of April,my other friend had a bday and she was invited.....but my so-called bff didnt invite me...
how could she?i mean,she said that i was her bff rite?why didnt she invite me?she only invite the other guys who have looks...not me...ive tried to forget her since then...but yesterday she suddenly entertain me..i thought she was feeling guilty coz she called me "a dust on the road" if got compared to her ex-bfon wednesday...then,about at 1 pm,she suddenlt cried..i dont want to comfort her coz she hurt my feelings so many times!!!But my heart tells me to go and comfort her...i dont know why i did it...until now..i still hopes she and her gang will understand how i feel...left out by them each and every day....i have high hopes for her someday...that's why i cant just forget about her.....after all of the memories we shared together..i just wish they will understand me.....