Family...

Im in my 3rd week..and my heart is still troubled everytime i leave home...why?

I questioned myself everyday...last year,i like to spend more time at school than at home...why?

Is it because i have people that i could count on? but i still felt lonely,but this time...it's different...

When i was in form 4,i vowed to spent as much time as possible with my family...because during that time,2 of my juniors lost their dad at a very young age...

I don't want to do something that i would greatly regret later...

So,everytime my father ask if i want to follow,i would and it became common for me to follow him anywhere at anytime...even for my mum i would do the same...

As time goes by,they wouldn't need to ask me if i want to follow because the answer will always be the same and that is,"yes"...

About 2 years ago,i set up my mind to make them happy in everything that i do...i tried to make them laugh...i tried to make them smile...although im not as good as my sister,but i do keep them company...they know that they can talk to me about anything...

I always wanted to take care of them...no matter how tough things that they will ask me to do,i'll do it so that theri burden would lessen...

Am i just a family guy? or is it just that im weak...

Or i just have abandonment issues...

I just wish that i can take this sadness away...the saying,"you never know how much someone worth is until you really lose them.." is true...i've always felt lonely at school but when i reach home,the loneliness lessen because i can talk to them about something else...it takes my mind out of those things...but now,i feel lonelier than ever..

Everytime i reach my room,i realise,"oh...my parents is at home..."

Everytime i open my eyes when i woke up from my sleep,they're not here...they're at home...

It's just...i don't even know how to describe it...i thought the fact that i lost my ex was hard...i think i rather feel losing her than to feel parentssick...

At least those kind of feelings i could stop the tears...but this,it's far worse...

I miss my parents...it's stupid because they are only about 30 mins away from me...so why do i miss them so much..?

Kolej..

Aiyo...baru dua hari...rasa dah sakit kepala...asyik rasa takut nak mula benda baru..asyik rasa rindu...semua bercampur...at least 1 masalah dah kurang sikit...tetapi itu,aku still boleh handle...problem baru,lagi teruk...aku je ke yg lemah? aku pun x tahu...semalam 1st day orientation...agak takut...xde benda yg xleh handle...sampai la balik ke bilik...bersendirian...mula teringatkan parents...sedih la...apa lagi...rasa bersalah pun ada...tempat ni dah la mahal...kalau aku tahu akan rasa macam ni,baik aku terima uniten je dulu...at least situ murah sikit...sini,kalau la aku boleh convince parents untuk duduk rumah...kalau parents aku masih muda,maybe aku xkan fikir macam ni...memandangkan mereka berdua dah tua,memang rasa bersalah nak tinggalkan...seorang kakak dah kahwin...seorang dah kerja...dan seorang lagi nak pergi india...xde la orag nak teman mereka...betul juga apa yang mirza kata,"like they need u and u need them"...memang aku bengang kalau orang cakap macam tu..sebab xde orang faham,betapa sedihnya kadang2 menjadi anak seorang lelaki...bila cuti lepas spm,aku yang banyak teman mereka ke mana2 tempat...bukan setakat lepas spm je...sebelum tu lagi...bukannya aku nak kata aku x suka jadi anak seorang lelaki,aku suka sangat...setiap kali aku buat sesuatu yang membanggakan,mereka gembira je...sekarang ni mereka terpaksa keluarkan duit hanya sebab aku x dpt score dalam spm...aku memang x suka biarkan mereka buat apa2 tanpa aku menolong...sekarang ni kat rumah,aku x dpt tolong mereka lagi...setiap kali aku fikirkan pengorbanan yang mereka telah buat untuk aku,memang air mata akan keluar...dan aku x dpt apa yang mereka nak untuk spm...ini suatu lagu yang selalu ingatkan aku tentang mereka...

Sun rise and I lift up my head then I smile at your picture sitting next to my bed
Sun set and you’re feeling okay cause you smile at the letter that I sent you today
Cant wait till I see you again and we both say remember when
The band played on the fourth of July and you held me on your shoulders way up high

Your still there for me
Wherever there might be
And if an ocean lies between us I’ll send a message across the sea
That you can’t sleep tonight knowing it’s all right
I believe that you’re listening to my song
You’re with me
You’ve been here all along
You’ve been here all along

Back then you walked me to school told me to be careful and to follow the rules
Fast forward you taught me to drive you gave me the keys and we went for a ride
And I cant wait till I see you again and we both say remember when
I’m holding on to moments like that and I know that their coming back

All along the way I keep you in my heart and in my prayers
You’ll always be the one who cares the most
Counting all the days
I see you running up to say, “ I missed you”
I missed you

Your still there for me
Wherever there might be
And if an ocean lies between us I’ll send a message across the sea
That you can’t sleep tonight knowing It’s alright
I believed that you’re listening to my song
You’re with me
Cause you’re with me
You’ve been here all along
You’ve been here all along

The No. 18...

Wah! I've finally turn 18...sometimes when i think about it,i just cant believe it...10 years ago,i was still watching power rangers in front of the tv and wanted to be like them...and i was sooo happy...and excited to grow big and strong and wish that i could be like one of them...4 years pass and i still have that dream...

what had happened to that dream? i wondered...where is that kid? the kid that is full of hopes and dreams...i guess i'm trying to find him...

what had happened to me? how did i lose that kid? and how do i get him back? i miss him so much...

5 years ago,i was different...

what if 5 years from now i will be more different?

i've always wanted to be where i am today...but 5 years ago,i never thought i would feel this way...

Let's just find out what will happen in 5 years :)