Taylor's...I can't believe I'm saying this but I really miss that place...I'm not really sure why because last year at this time of year, I hated that place...I cursed it a lot everytime I went back home...reading back my earlier post,I'm not sure when I started to bond with that place...is it when the time I met the MARA guys? is it when I met Annisa and the gang? or I really started to bond that place at the beginning of sem 2 when I had a lot of friends? I remember walking alone to the library everytime there's a gap between classes. I had a friend but he used to cut classes so I was always alone. Even when in class I couldn't begin a convo. "I just want to go back to my room" was always in my head during that time. I think after the field trip I was feeling better because I got close to some of the MARA students. They accepted me at first and it was fun. Islamic Studies was the only class I looked forward to come. Then I met new people by the lake...one was from Sarawak and one was from Johor. For the first time in months,I was actually happy. Even one of my friends said that I looked happier than before. Every night I went out with them to eat. Sometimes I didn't eat but I just studied with them. It was really fun. I actually had reasons to go to campus more than I should...Farah Yunos, Kak Sya, Annisa, Cat, Syamim, Jarir...Bisyri, Nadiah, Goh...I opened up to them...laugh with them...went out with them...all the things I thought was impossible after the break up...they thought me a lot...lessons learned that I will never forget...I could still seem them on the weekends...they're not so far away...I keep telling myself that...but it's different now isn't it?
I'm not sure...I miss them a lot...everyday seems so hard to get through...every morning my body feels so heavy to get up from bed...damn it...my head is confuse...everyone said that it will take some time for me to get comfortable here...how long will it take? how much more can I take? Sometimes I feel like I just want to pack my begs and go there to be there with them again...damn it...how is it that I've become so weak? I don't remember being this weak last year....is it because I've opened up to some people? Is trusting people makes you weak? I'm not really sure...hoping for anyone to comfort me everyday,it probably what I want...but it is too much to ask from someone...I know I have to be strong...but how...
Damn it...early this year,I didn't trust anyone with my problems...I hid and ran away from everyone I was close to...with that,my bond with a few people turned upside down...she even scolded me and asked why I'd always ran away when I have a problem...that's the only way I see fit to let my problems go away...There's nothing anyone could do...Even if I said anything,and knowing they can't help,and it makes them sad...But since then, I let some people in...for a while, they made me happy...I didn't hate Taylor's anymore...I began to love spending my time there with them...they made me stronger...In February, I decided to leave Taylor's..I began to hate that place again after some fight had happened...I was struggling with people around me...even of my friends said that I looked tired and anxious...I've made up my mind at that time that I wanted to go away as far as possible...but now...why did I wanted to leave...I could have just gone to Monash and be near to them...damn it...Sometimes I really wish that I could turn back time and stop me from entering the form to Nottingham...
But now...it's different again...
