Memories...

i had it...i've given up to letting my frens understand me...i cant even understand myself...that's not the point...some people,i've examine,they hold really close to some of the precious moments in their lives...some people,just dun care and let them go,and move on...me,on the other hand,i've move on...i've learn to accept my grandmother's death,the lost of my frens,the lost of my heaven...i've move on...but the memories...i kept on having flashbacks about my past...something will eventually trigger my brain to have those flashbacks...something like,a some kind of smell...a wind...something that could remind me of tha past...the past : the memories that somehow i've lost...those times...at those times,the feelings...it's different from now...those feelings...i've lost it too...now,my heart is hollow...nothing except for the residual darkness...i keep asking myself everyday...why does my heart feel so empty? what's missing? what should i find? some people said that maybe i just think too much...i should just be happy...but when i join up the group with the other guys,i make laughs..i make jokes...but,my heart still feels empty...now,i know,this is not my mind tricking me like my other problems...wut i know 4 sure...that something that im missing...it has got to do something with my memories...somewhere in my past,it holds the answer...it's weird how memories can be remembered by just something that holds very familiar that connected to those memories...now,i know,this time,i need to find this answer alone..."sometimes our most precious memories lies so deep in our hearts that their out of reach"...a quote that i got from KH:RECOM..probably it's true...my memories are scattered..just like the title of my page...proabably,im just stupid...probaby,the answer is not from my memories...sometimes i think that,my past was pretty exciting bcoz of something that probably i couldnt get now...maybe,i should create a new something...but,where do i start? wut do i have to search?