When it's still there...

"Our greatest enemy is our ownself"....or so they say....everyone must have struggle with something in their lives...to determine wut's rite or wrong...how confusing...even in love...a fren of mine once asked me that do i really like the girl im crushing on or is just a simple attraction? coz she kept saying things that i dun know much bout the well being of the girl im crushing on...i said back,wut gud will it bring? she's never gonna be mine again...so,why should i care? each day i struggle to not care 4 her...each day i force myself to turn the other cheek...although i still want to care 4 her...but i cant...i tried 2 moved on 2 another girl,but it doesnt work...the feeling is just still there no matter wut i do...i dun hate her...just being loyal? haha...i wish i could be player..that way,i wont be hurt by anyone...my heart would be as tough as stone...but no..im to fragile...wut kind of guy am i? she's all i think about...haha..how more dumb could i be...just gotta keep quiet...that's all that i can do,rite toyol? When u really care bout someone,it's hard to walk away...

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let 'em out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do..

A Trip to ehum2...

Hah...1st i like to dedicate this for sham and her hubby...sorry lmbt gle....baru dpt on properly...well...it's for anyone who is in love...so,ambik ni...something i came across a little while back...just feeling like posting it....

There's somethin' that
I've got to say
You're always with me
Even though, you're far away
Talkin to you on my cell
Just the sound of your voice
Makes my heart melt
Oh girl, well it's true

I'm all about you
I'm all about us
No, baby, you never have
To question my love

And every night
There's a new crowd
But it's always you
That I'm singing about
There is only one these words
Are going out to
Oh girl, I'm all about you

I know you worry sometimes
Some other girl will make me forget you're mine
There's not a doubt in this world
That anyone could take the
Place of my number one girl

When i close my eyes i can see you
It's like your right here
And this feeling's only gettin' stronger
You're with me everywhere

so,i just got back from a place...well..it's a very develop place...it's a bit advance compared with malaysia...but trust me,even though it's kinda advance in economic and all that stuff,but the way they treat their tourist REALLY bad...i dun even get why people come to that place...the day when i was going to that place,i already had a bad feeling bout going there...in my experience,whenever i feel something bad is going to happen,it was always the ooposite...but not since this few months...i dun want to go to that place again..well,it has some nice scenery but i just cant stand being discriminate...argh...wutever..eventhough everywhere i turn,people were staring rudely,i kept my mind positive and gave them the same look...haha...damn those kind...i keep reminding myself,wut would *** do...hehehe....i just kept thinking bout her...

Why Do I Love You?

Hah...it's going to be valentine's day in 2 days...i dun celebrate it but it couldnt hurt to give presents 2 my loved ones...

Nat : my psychologist

Syairah : my social adviser

Sham : my 'cat'

Wafa : my 'bonded sis'

Melissa : my big/lil sis

thx guys 4 everything..but this doesnt mean i'll stop asking 4 help...hehehe...so far,i would like 2 tq 4 everything u guys did 4 me...looks like everyone is growing up...haha...even suresh has a new 'awek'...jega has one too...but they probably broken up already...even shafeeq has a secret admirer...wah...let me asked u this,wut would u do is someone asked u to be his/her gf/bf? well...i was confused at 1st...but...wut i do know,i dun want to accept when knowing i have somebody else in my heart...im not the type of person who just accept when somebody asked to be a couple...let's take this 4 an example...i like somebody...then,a girl asked 2 be her bf...i cant say i dun like the girl..but even if i accepted the girl,it would only be torturing 4 her...i would be constantly thinking bout another girl...and not pay attention 2 her...it would be better if i just stay alone...i cant let anyone carry my probs especially when they dun want to...i only trust on 2 ways kind of relationship...kinda like wut sham has....stupid affections...i've been thinking bout wut toyol said...bout me being ego with the girl i like...im still considering it...am i being 2 ego? just want to be loyal...if that's the case why do i think bout her everynite? i want 2 moved on...toyol asked me to try and like another girl...she gave a few options...im still thinking bout it...2 out of 6 is in my mind...but..im kinda scared...but if i dun try,i'll be like this until she's out of my life...wut do i do...it'll be easy if i could just end all of this..if only i could cut out my heart...wut to do...love can make u crazy...haish...here,i dedicate this 4 u...other than that,my skool ada buat merentas desa...best gak....i got to guard 1 of the checkpoints..i got 2 team up with 2 of my juniors...Hidayah and Zabira...just wut i expected from hidayah...she has a ton of BSB videos...haha...memang satu gang...then,2 girls came with us,Sasha and Atiqah...Sasha got her ankle sprain 4 being to hyper...believe me,it was funny! haha.....but she was in pain,so i kept quiet...but she saw i was laughing..haha...chill la...on our way back,in En Zairol's car,a song was played..Boys like Girls feat Taylor Swift,2 is better than one....it was a really nice song..that song...the lyrics really reminded me of someone...wutever...

Suddenly she's
Leaving
Suddenly the
Promise of love has gone
Suddenly
Breathing seems so hard to do

Carefully you
Planned it
I got to know just
A minute to late, oh girl
now I understand it
All the times we
Made memories together
Baby you were thinking of him

Why do I love you
Don't even want to
Why do I love you like I do
Like I always do
You should've told me
Why did you have to be untrue
Why do I love you like I do

Ain't gonna show no
Weakness
I'm gonna smile
And tell the whole world I'm fine
I'm gonna keep my senses
But deep down
When no one can hear me
I'll be crying for you

Can't go back
Can't erase
Baby your smiling face oh no
I can think of nothing else but you..

Heart Speaks First

What a crazy week....1st,i went to skool my wearing the wrong shoes...then,i cant sleep....then i forgot to wear my deodorant...haha..haih...it's a gud thing the day when i didnt wear my deodorant,i wasnt sweating so much...oh,and i have to make a presentation yesterday...i dun know if i did great or bad..i heard most people comment that i was 'bajet' or 'over'..i dun know...probably i was...but mirza said that i did well..."u've come a long way"...haha...thx mirza...well,at that time,the only thing in my head was,if couldnt be brave enough to do this,how long will i'll be like this...i didnt do it to make people praised me...i do it coz it might helped me in the future...but im still shy...that's one thing i want to keep...i know when to be quiet and when to be loud...but i dun want to be angry to the people who stabbed me in the back...coz i know,most of them r my frens..."then,they dun really know u",mirza said...well,that's true...i've been through a lot...and i still am...so,kalau ada yg x puas hati,ckp je la depan2...nama pon kwn...buat pe nk simpan,tol? aku terima je...dan kalau aku buat korg tersinggung ke,aku leh ubah sket...but,u guys should know that my 'heart speak first'...usually,when people fights,they say things they didnt mean...they act the way they normally shouldnt...so,korg2,fhm2 la...kalau ada yg yg marah ke bengang,kte leh bincang...and korg pon patot tahu aku ni jenis yg mcm mana dari hati...i got this song and it really captures my situation with someone a few years back...but i guess,the lyrics can be bend in the condition im in...if only i wrote this lyrics sooner..i guess,now i've lost u...eh,sham,aku ada bg ko lagu ni kan? aku bg coz aku takot aku meletop ble2 masa...but,kalau ko nk buang,buang la...

Standing on the other side of the road,
With a tear in your eye.
Wishing that I didn't act the way I do,
Took it too far this time.
I was filled with emotion.
Instead of giving you space,
Threw it in your face,
You just wanted me closer,
But I pushed you away

It's hard for me to function when I know you're sad
Like a robot in rain.
And even though the hurts we feel was all my bad,
It still drives me insane, (It's making me crazy)
Do you know that I love you?
That I need you to be there,
Like a table needs chairs, my love.
After all that we've been through,
Please don't let it all slip away

I made you scream,
I made you cry,
I shouldn't have taken the stars from your sky.
We're still a team,
As much as it hurts.
Remember that they're only words,
My heart speaks first.
So baby whenever it hurts,
Remember that they're only words,
My heart speaks first..

The caring feeling..

1st of all...i want 2 wish my apek fren,azrul zamy HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!! haha...dh 17 dh ko...stahun lg tok sampai tahap 'remaja tinggi'...hahaha...memang best ar khamis ari tu...minyak2 pon muka ko,xpe..ko slalu putih pelepak! hohohoh...ok,now the reason im writing this post...a few weeks ago,i found somebody...she was caring...at that time i thought maybe she's wut i need...but,i 4got bout 1 factor...she has a bf...and i thought the way she treated me was bcoz she understands me...i thought wrong...i dun blame her...i doubt anybody could...so,i moved on...but as i thought,i couldnt bare it for long...i was on the edge...so i thought,probably it couldnt hurt if i asked 4 somebody's opinion...i went 2 c one of the grown ups that i trust besides my family...my uztzah...she said some things...and that made me confuse...i went my days as usual...but i guess it showed on my face and somebody saw it...i called her the other day...she asked me wut was wrong...i was scared though...so i told her bit by bit bout wut was bothering me...i only told her 1/3 of my problems but she knew that there was more...i didnt know if i should tell her or not...but she was persistent and seems like she really cares...so i told her...bout my stupid probs...i finally crack when she said those words...so,she gave some advice...i know now that i could count on her...i'll try my best 2 do wut she told me to do...i dun know if it'll be easy but i'll try my best...i watched a show called Bones a few hours ago...the lead character named Bones has a partner called Booth..they solve murder cases 2gether...until they found out that Booth had a brain tumour...brain surgeries always had some problems and that made her very worried...it was really touching...i mean...it's kinda obvious that she cared 4 him...but she just doesnt realize it..it was really sad watching they hold hands while going into the surgery room...probably i was touched by the caring feeling that she showed 2 her partner...haha...well,this doesnt have anything to do with the one i told in my post here...i also watched one of our fav shows and the opening theme really reminded me of her...this is just in my opnion...D-Technolife by UVERworld

You've been hurt by an unhealed pain, in sadness
We'll go on being burdened with our undisappearing pasts
I hold your hand
Not abandoning life

Will we lost it all one day?
I want to protect you and your smile, but they're fading away
Even the voice that calls out to me is dying
The wind that follows along time disappears
I find you

You've been hurt by an unhealed pain, in sadness
"I can't smile anymore, I don't like people", don't say those words
A future that can't be seen will occur, there's meaning in that
For right now everything is fine as it is now; certainly you must notice that the time is coming
Just like someone who's rusty

Lying atop one another is futile
You said that you could live your life alone
You began to ache with the mundane kind words
So much that now they aren't coming to you

Wow, your hand that I'm holding
Wow, longs for a casual gentleness
Do you remember?
By knowing pain, you can be gentle to someone
Drive your life

You have been hurt by an unhealed pain, in sadness
"I can't smile anymore, I don't like people", don't say those words
A future that can't be seen will occur, there's meaning in that
For right now everything is fine as it is now; certainly you must notice that the time is coming
Just like someone who's rusty

How can I see the meaning of life
It's disappearing, you're the only...

You who are leaving, wished for it not to break
"I can't smile anymore, I don't like people", don't say those words
Now, by and by, I won't be able to see
There is meaning in all of that
We'll go on being burdened with our undisappearing pasts
Not abandoning life

You'd better forget everything
Remember... your different life?
You'd better forget everything
Remember... there's no going back
But wow, throughout time, one day, we'll understand
Like a warped memory

Tell Me Why...

Tried to turn on my tv,

To get you out of my head,

Feeling something deep inside,

That i just won't admit,

It's not like i don't wanna commit,

I just don't know why,

I can't stop feeling like this,
Now i can see,

The storm's not gonna clear,

Dressed in my pain,

And all of my tears,

Tell me why,

Does it hurt so bad?

Tell me why,

Does it make me mad?

3rd week...

hah! we r already having our exam this early of the year...saman the kerajaan la...kalau fail spm,salahkan diorg! hmph! x guna...it's already the 3rd week...time goes slowly 4 me...why do i have 2 c u everyday...well,i dun c u very often but...haiya...just get on with ur life...wait...probably i should do that...but i cant...cursed this mind of mine...u keep popping inside my head...even when im day dreaming...stupid affections...but when can i do? cinta bertepuk sbelah tgn...wut do u call it in english? "love clap with a hand"??? haha...i dun blame u though...im just not fit 2 be ur guy...let's face it...i cant do anything...even if i can,i might just mess it up...all i can do is just be silent when i met u...keep quiet...keep a low-profile...hold up all my feelings inside...crying inside...wutever....probably u're rite mirza...probably im the one who's leaving them...but...can u really blame me 4 wut im doing? i hate them...all i hold in my heart is just hatred and vengence...but i dun hate u...u probably understand a bit bout me...do u mirza? haha...wutever it is,it's probably wut u said melissa...i havent found my answer yet...but is it? or is it that im just 2 stubborn? bah...wutever...but i cant stop thinking bout the warm fuzzy feeling i had last saturday...a person got close to me and temporarily bcoming my 'mom'...well,i dun mind...when i think bout it,i kinda like it...probably i just like the attention...by being the youngest,i like to be 'manja'...but bcoz of my father that passed down his attitude to me,i like to make other people 'manja' as well...can anybody gets it? haha...but i know i cant ask that much from the girl...history might repeat itself...and she'll probably ran off just like the others...but we'll c how it goes 1st...and SHAM! apa la ko...ari sabtu ari,ayah aku leh hantar ko pe...best kot klu parents aku lbih kenal ko...diorg dh kenal nat,wafa ngan naim...diorg nk gak kenal ko...lg2,ko antara yg aku paling rpt...aku bnyk cte pasal ko...so,jgn malu!