The human mind

Argh!!! Im so fed up! I dun know wut to do! I have too much problems inside my head! I just cant shake it off! But that's not the thing that's been buggin me...i shared everything with my best fren(who i cant name)...even my problems...but everytime i tell my problems to him,it's like im talking to myself....yeah,i know that he's not the type who give advices to people...but still....argh! i dun know...i love him like a brother but,i just want him to help me...it seems like he cant or wont...i cant say anything bad about him..i respect him too much to do so.....perhaps,it's better if i stay away from him for a while....coz,each time i spill out my probs to him,and he doesnt give me some advice,i tend to think that he doesnt care...and then(as usual) ill ask him some question that im sure ive heard it many times before...then,ill get confuse whether he really cares about me or not...ill start asking questions again..he'll get bored...he'll get fed up then only god knows wut will happen next...wut i think,each time i ask him a question,he'll get hurt or maybe 'terasa'...who the heck do i think i am to ask him questions like that? argh! im nothing! i cant force him to give me answers that even i cant solve myself...im stupid to think that....probably,no one really does understands me...each time i get close to someone,something bad always happen...perhaps,i cant be to close with anyone...this is my fate...

Scream...

The day your door is closed
The echoes fill your soul
They won't say which way to go
Just trust your heart
To find what you're here for
Open another door
But I'm not sure anymore
It's just so hard

Voices in my head
Tell me they know best
Got me on the edge
They're pushin', pushin', they're pushin'
I know they've got a plan
But the choices's in my hands
This time is man-to-man I'm drivin', fightin', inside of

A world that's upside down
It's spinning faster
What do I do now
Without you?

I'm kicking down the walls
I gotta make them fall
Just break through them all
I'm punchin', crashin', I'm gonna
Fight to find myself
Me, and no one else
Which way, I can't tell
I'm searchin', searchin', can't find a

Way that I should turn
I should, to right or left, it...
It's like nothing works
Without you

Yeah, the clock's running down,
Hear the crowd getting loud
I'm consumed by the sound

I don't know where to go
What's the right thing
I want it..
So bad I'm gonna scream
I can't choose, so confused
What's it all mean
I want my own dream
So bad I'm gonna scream

Last message...

haha...ehm...it' kinda sad watching ur frens walk away from u...here's a little something to my frens who's going to asrama...

Nur Asyraf b. Zai

Acap....i will not forget the memories that we shared...remember when we met when were f1...haha...at that time,we were still talking about power rangers...now,we dont,do we? yeah...and remember the 'cd' i gave u? it wa when were f2 rite? haha...u said that u died if ur mother ever caught u...haha! although we havent been the bestest of frens but still,u make the class 'bright'....u were always so calm..so cool...haha! to tell u the truth,i was a bit jealous of u....hey,wut can i say? im still finding myself...but it's not the kind of jealousy that makes me wanna punch u or anything....just jealousy as frens,u get it? though,u still help me now and then...like,last week,u gave me advice about how to attract girls...haha...it still experimental,but im trying it one step at a time....thx bro for all ur help.....anyway,gud luck in ur future days...be strong,man....gud luck buddy!

Ahmad Zakwan

Zakwan! black! haha! joking2! walaupon kte hanya satu kelas selama 2 tahun,tu dah rasa agak lama dlm dunia aku...ko dah bnyk tlng aku,wan....dlm kerja skolah,juga dlm perjalanan hidup aku....aku ingin ucapkan thx ar atas semua pertolongan ko...semoga berjaya!

Mohd Mirza Izzudin

Mirza! thx 4 the words yesterday...yeah,ive found frens...so do u rite? it's hard feeling neglected...trust me...i know...i heard that u're scared to go to asrama because of that...ehm...it's hard starting a new chapter....but,wut i believe,when we meet again,im sure ull be a lot stronger than before....im positive....so,if anything happens,be strong...gud luck!

well,that's all i can say for now...and for those who i wrote up here,if u ever feel alone,u know who to call : ur frens....still,im sure u guys will meet new frens along ur journey....if u ever feel like ur in a dead end,trust ur mind,trust ur frens,and for the most important,trust ur heart..."ur heart will lead u home" as they say....the next time we meet,im sure we will be different from the time we say gudbye....we may be different in the future,but our hearts will never change....


GOOD LUCK GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Walk away for a new story with a smile yeah!
=D

Straight forward...

Syaheela said that sincerity is the key to a strong frenship...
so,i just hope that my frens know that they can tell me anything =D

"We sign our cards and letters BFF
You've got a million ways to make me laugh
You're lookin' out for me; you've got my back
It's so good to have you around

You know the secrets I could never tell
And when I'm quiet you break through my shell
Don't feel the need to do a rebel yell
Cause you keep my feet on the ground

You don't get angry when I change the plans
Somehow you're never out of second chances
Won't say "I told you" when I'm wrong again
I'm so lucky that I've found

A true friend
You're here till the end
You pull me aside
When something ain't right
Talk with me now and into the night'
Til it's alright again

True friends will go to the end of the earth
Till they find the things you need
Friends hang on through the ups and the downs
Cause they've got someone to believe in..."

a new leaf...

ehm...i think i got some answers....tq again chibi & efi! i think im asking too much....like u said efi,i should be thankful....ahhh....how stupid i can be huh? i think it's time for me too truly trust my frens...im blurr when making decissions....no more emo huh,kecik? time for me to make my own decissions...not making it by depending on others....i do have frens....frens who truly cares about me...thx guys! im just too depress to see it....now,i can see it...kecik,u said that we each may need our alone time,but isnt it when we're alone it will only get worse? we need frens that can guide us through the dakrness and into the light....just like i need u guys....i didnt mean that im happy when my frens tortures me....i mean im happy when i do something that will make my frens happy..like,telling jokes...comfort them....make them feel like they r never alone as long as they have frens...that's wut i meant when i said im happy when my frens r happy...i dun like when they torture me...is that wut u call frens? people who abandon u when u need him/her the most? people who doesnt even care about u? i know im not funny like acap,akmal,syamil,khairi or like any other boys who's at my school...i know im boring....but,ill try my best to make the ones i care about,happy through out their lives....time to think positive...time to leave the scars behind...let it heal....my real story starts now...a new chapter...a new beginning....venture through the darkness with the help of my frens...returning to the light...time to turn over a new leaf!

aint rite....

efi,sham,syaheela.....thx for the kind words....it really means alot....sori to say this again efi,but it's hard being different....i know u said that im unique...maybe but it's hard to fit in...like sham said,i always look serious and people will get scared to greet me....i admit,my face do look serious...there's a reason for that....i think about things more deeply than anyone i knew....when i think,my face will look serious....huh...if the goverment were to invent a medicine that can slow down the brain,i would gladly buy it no natter how much the cost.....ehm....oh and some people called me blurr...but actually,im not that blurr...it's just that when people r talking to me,i tend to think about things....non-important things...that's just my 'disease'....haha! ehm...even faisal said that im different from the other boys...he set an example...he said,"khairi x bnyk duit tapi ramai kwn,ko bnyk duit tapi x ramai kwn"....ehm....still,everyday when i wake up,i just get this feeling that something is missing...something isnt rite....last year,sue yin said that it might be my confidence that im missing...but,as the years pass by,i dun think confidence is my problem....there is something else....not sure wut...im still searching...but on the 19th jan(last week monday),im not sure but i think i got a glimpse of wut i was missing...ehm...not sure wut...i think my problems started when my grandmother died....since her death,my problems just got worse and worse....but i did have some happy moments like getting gud results for the PMR,meeting people that i can trust.....but i can tell one thing for sure,when my grandmother died,i made a vow...a vow to not let anyone down,or hurt,or alone....i promise myself that,i will help the people i care about(akmal,sham,efi,syaheela,maple or my class) no matter wut the cost....even i am different from them,ill help them...(this is for my pet sis)that's why im always with u...i always saw u walking alone...in wut i have experience,alone is a dreadful feeling...that's why i care so much about u...ok,u may say that u dun care,but still,im my dictionary,no one should be left alone....even if we hate them(example : the bacteria group)....haha! i remebered something...melissa once said that i care about other people too much...i should think about myself once in a while...then she said,"but that's quite selfish"...haha...mel2....still,i admit i think about my frens more than i care about myself...but a few years back,i learn that i can never be happy by myself....im only happy when my frens r happy...but that was when i still have kevin,arif and the other guys...now,im not pretty sure....but surely i must admit,on the 19th jan,i was very happy....i havent felt that much fun in a long time...thx to one i spend time with....that day,i didnt felt the empty void that has been bothering me for years....but that last only a day....2 days later,the empty void becomes bigger.....but now,it's a bit average...but i can still feel the emptyness of my heart....but,im too afraid too become emo now...a certain 'someone' will slap me endlessly until i get to my senses ;p
but still,i cant shake this feeling off....i hope when im old enough(hope 2 years tops),i hope to fill the empty void with someone....

confuse...

ehm...i wonder....i think im too 'open' about things in my head....maybe that's why i dun get many frens that i can trust...each time when i thought i could trust someone then, BAM!!!
he/she 'hits' me behind my back....damn...i cant take this anymore....maybe,i should lie to myself....maybe i should lie to others...then,they will truly accept me....it's been 4 years...i havent got anyone who i can truly trust....ehm....maybe that 'article' trishna gave me was true...i am destined to be alone...if that is how it is,so be it....i cant take this.....probably this will be my last entry bout my feelings....so,i should close back my heart....wut's the use? even if i 'open' it to someone,it doesnt matter....sori mel,efi,but looks like im not the person u thought im gonna be....