aint rite....

efi,sham,syaheela.....thx for the kind words....it really means alot....sori to say this again efi,but it's hard being different....i know u said that im unique...maybe but it's hard to fit in...like sham said,i always look serious and people will get scared to greet me....i admit,my face do look serious...there's a reason for that....i think about things more deeply than anyone i knew....when i think,my face will look serious....huh...if the goverment were to invent a medicine that can slow down the brain,i would gladly buy it no natter how much the cost.....ehm....oh and some people called me blurr...but actually,im not that blurr...it's just that when people r talking to me,i tend to think about things....non-important things...that's just my 'disease'....haha! ehm...even faisal said that im different from the other boys...he set an example...he said,"khairi x bnyk duit tapi ramai kwn,ko bnyk duit tapi x ramai kwn"....ehm....still,everyday when i wake up,i just get this feeling that something is missing...something isnt rite....last year,sue yin said that it might be my confidence that im missing...but,as the years pass by,i dun think confidence is my problem....there is something else....not sure wut...im still searching...but on the 19th jan(last week monday),im not sure but i think i got a glimpse of wut i was missing...ehm...not sure wut...i think my problems started when my grandmother died....since her death,my problems just got worse and worse....but i did have some happy moments like getting gud results for the PMR,meeting people that i can trust.....but i can tell one thing for sure,when my grandmother died,i made a vow...a vow to not let anyone down,or hurt,or alone....i promise myself that,i will help the people i care about(akmal,sham,efi,syaheela,maple or my class) no matter wut the cost....even i am different from them,ill help them...(this is for my pet sis)that's why im always with u...i always saw u walking alone...in wut i have experience,alone is a dreadful feeling...that's why i care so much about u...ok,u may say that u dun care,but still,im my dictionary,no one should be left alone....even if we hate them(example : the bacteria group)....haha! i remebered something...melissa once said that i care about other people too much...i should think about myself once in a while...then she said,"but that's quite selfish"...haha...mel2....still,i admit i think about my frens more than i care about myself...but a few years back,i learn that i can never be happy by myself....im only happy when my frens r happy...but that was when i still have kevin,arif and the other guys...now,im not pretty sure....but surely i must admit,on the 19th jan,i was very happy....i havent felt that much fun in a long time...thx to one i spend time with....that day,i didnt felt the empty void that has been bothering me for years....but that last only a day....2 days later,the empty void becomes bigger.....but now,it's a bit average...but i can still feel the emptyness of my heart....but,im too afraid too become emo now...a certain 'someone' will slap me endlessly until i get to my senses ;p
but still,i cant shake this feeling off....i hope when im old enough(hope 2 years tops),i hope to fill the empty void with someone....