Straight forward...

Syaheela said that sincerity is the key to a strong frenship...
so,i just hope that my frens know that they can tell me anything =D

"We sign our cards and letters BFF
You've got a million ways to make me laugh
You're lookin' out for me; you've got my back
It's so good to have you around

You know the secrets I could never tell
And when I'm quiet you break through my shell
Don't feel the need to do a rebel yell
Cause you keep my feet on the ground

You don't get angry when I change the plans
Somehow you're never out of second chances
Won't say "I told you" when I'm wrong again
I'm so lucky that I've found

A true friend
You're here till the end
You pull me aside
When something ain't right
Talk with me now and into the night'
Til it's alright again

True friends will go to the end of the earth
Till they find the things you need
Friends hang on through the ups and the downs
Cause they've got someone to believe in..."

a new leaf...

ehm...i think i got some answers....tq again chibi & efi! i think im asking too much....like u said efi,i should be thankful....ahhh....how stupid i can be huh? i think it's time for me too truly trust my frens...im blurr when making decissions....no more emo huh,kecik? time for me to make my own decissions...not making it by depending on others....i do have frens....frens who truly cares about me...thx guys! im just too depress to see it....now,i can see it...kecik,u said that we each may need our alone time,but isnt it when we're alone it will only get worse? we need frens that can guide us through the dakrness and into the light....just like i need u guys....i didnt mean that im happy when my frens tortures me....i mean im happy when i do something that will make my frens happy..like,telling jokes...comfort them....make them feel like they r never alone as long as they have frens...that's wut i meant when i said im happy when my frens r happy...i dun like when they torture me...is that wut u call frens? people who abandon u when u need him/her the most? people who doesnt even care about u? i know im not funny like acap,akmal,syamil,khairi or like any other boys who's at my school...i know im boring....but,ill try my best to make the ones i care about,happy through out their lives....time to think positive...time to leave the scars behind...let it heal....my real story starts now...a new chapter...a new beginning....venture through the darkness with the help of my frens...returning to the light...time to turn over a new leaf!

aint rite....

efi,sham,syaheela.....thx for the kind words....it really means alot....sori to say this again efi,but it's hard being different....i know u said that im unique...maybe but it's hard to fit in...like sham said,i always look serious and people will get scared to greet me....i admit,my face do look serious...there's a reason for that....i think about things more deeply than anyone i knew....when i think,my face will look serious....huh...if the goverment were to invent a medicine that can slow down the brain,i would gladly buy it no natter how much the cost.....ehm....oh and some people called me blurr...but actually,im not that blurr...it's just that when people r talking to me,i tend to think about things....non-important things...that's just my 'disease'....haha! ehm...even faisal said that im different from the other boys...he set an example...he said,"khairi x bnyk duit tapi ramai kwn,ko bnyk duit tapi x ramai kwn"....ehm....still,everyday when i wake up,i just get this feeling that something is missing...something isnt rite....last year,sue yin said that it might be my confidence that im missing...but,as the years pass by,i dun think confidence is my problem....there is something else....not sure wut...im still searching...but on the 19th jan(last week monday),im not sure but i think i got a glimpse of wut i was missing...ehm...not sure wut...i think my problems started when my grandmother died....since her death,my problems just got worse and worse....but i did have some happy moments like getting gud results for the PMR,meeting people that i can trust.....but i can tell one thing for sure,when my grandmother died,i made a vow...a vow to not let anyone down,or hurt,or alone....i promise myself that,i will help the people i care about(akmal,sham,efi,syaheela,maple or my class) no matter wut the cost....even i am different from them,ill help them...(this is for my pet sis)that's why im always with u...i always saw u walking alone...in wut i have experience,alone is a dreadful feeling...that's why i care so much about u...ok,u may say that u dun care,but still,im my dictionary,no one should be left alone....even if we hate them(example : the bacteria group)....haha! i remebered something...melissa once said that i care about other people too much...i should think about myself once in a while...then she said,"but that's quite selfish"...haha...mel2....still,i admit i think about my frens more than i care about myself...but a few years back,i learn that i can never be happy by myself....im only happy when my frens r happy...but that was when i still have kevin,arif and the other guys...now,im not pretty sure....but surely i must admit,on the 19th jan,i was very happy....i havent felt that much fun in a long time...thx to one i spend time with....that day,i didnt felt the empty void that has been bothering me for years....but that last only a day....2 days later,the empty void becomes bigger.....but now,it's a bit average...but i can still feel the emptyness of my heart....but,im too afraid too become emo now...a certain 'someone' will slap me endlessly until i get to my senses ;p
but still,i cant shake this feeling off....i hope when im old enough(hope 2 years tops),i hope to fill the empty void with someone....

confuse...

ehm...i wonder....i think im too 'open' about things in my head....maybe that's why i dun get many frens that i can trust...each time when i thought i could trust someone then, BAM!!!
he/she 'hits' me behind my back....damn...i cant take this anymore....maybe,i should lie to myself....maybe i should lie to others...then,they will truly accept me....it's been 4 years...i havent got anyone who i can truly trust....ehm....maybe that 'article' trishna gave me was true...i am destined to be alone...if that is how it is,so be it....i cant take this.....probably this will be my last entry bout my feelings....so,i should close back my heart....wut's the use? even if i 'open' it to someone,it doesnt matter....sori mel,efi,but looks like im not the person u thought im gonna be....

Goodbye...

In the years to come,
Will you think about these moments that we shared?
In the years to come,
Are you gonna think it over,
And how we lived each day with no regrets?
Nothing lasts forever though we want it to,
The road ahead holds different dreams for me and you,

In a year from now,
Maybe there'll be things,
we'll wish we'd never said,
In a year from now,
Maybe we'll see each other,
Standing on the same street corner, no regrets
Each and every end is always written in the stars,
If only I could stop the world,
I'd make this last,

And when you need my arms to run into,
I'll comfort you,
Nothing will ever change the way I feel

Sometimes goodbye,
though it hurts in your heart,
is the only way for destiny,
Sometimes goodbye,
though it hurts,
is the only way now for you and me
Though it's the hardest thing to say
I'll miss you every day,
So say goodbye
But don't you cry
`Cause a true friendship never dies...

My funny friends & me...

This is something i want to right about the ones who i really appreciate...

1st: Mohd Akmal

Akmal Yahya! Muahaha! U've help me alot in this past 2 years....Even if u didnt notice it,but trust me,u did alot...U taught me that this world is not my playground. There were other things that matter besides my own feelings...Im not as clever as i thought i was...im not the boy i used to be because u showed my something different,u showed me something pured...i think u know where i pick up the lines from eyh? Keep the paper that i gave u...u thought me to be more confident and to be more 'manly'....haha! thx bro! Anyway,gud luck in ur future! I hope u do well like u make me did well in my quest....Hope 4 the best eyh pakcik!

2nd: ShamshiaSharlina

Sham/kecik! Honestly,i really don't know wut to say....U've help me alot for the past few months....i dont know....if it wasnt 4 u,i dont think i can get to where i am now...u taught me something about life...u're also the push that i needed to succeed...and i did...i got wut i needed 4 my education 4 now...but i still have a long way to go...i dont know wut will happen next year...wutever it is,ive got the deal with it without ur help anymore eyh...i will definitely miss u if u go to asrama next year...U can go the distance! A whole new world is in front of u! Gud luck sham!

3rd: Amirul Naim

Sani2! U always make me laugh...even when in tough situations...Thx! U make more stronger than i used to be...Gud luck in asrama!

4th: Maisarah ZulkePLE!

Endon2! Dont know wut to say....u've been a gud fren and a gud sister to me...u make me laugh with ur hair styles! We've always fight,but that wut makes us best fren eyh? hahah! thx and gud luck!

5th: Epi!

Efi...u taught me something valuable(actually i learn it by myself but u did give me pointers)....u taught me about humans and with their attitudes and personalities...i still use that knowledge to study on some people..muahaha!

To my frens that i wrote up here,just want to say,
no matter how things may change,never forget who u are....

*We may never meet again,but we will never forget each other*

Gud luck guys!

Like and love....wut's the difference???

ehm...im confuse bout something....my gud and loyal fren(cant name that person) said that the person loves me as a fren...but my other fren said that the person likes me as a fren...so,wuts the diff??? ehm...anyway...dont know why...but suddenly,i just felt sad....i just called my fren bout 2 hours ago...and she said something bout her crush...i dont know...it seems a little odd....i dont think i have any feelings towards her...maybe coz i just dont 'click' with her crush eyh....ehm...maybe so....another battle i have to face....will i win,or will i lose?