Shoulder

A few days ago, i watched a Japanese drama titled Samurai Sentai

There two girls, a yellow and a pink...there are three other guys, a red,blue and green...the guys asked the yellow named Kotoha why she admired the pink, Mako?

Kotoha replied by saying that Mako was strong and kind but at the same time, she had a flashback, once she was playing her flute in the middle of the night because she missed her sister since she had to be far away from her sister so that she can be samurai...she almost cried because she missed her sister so much...when she wanted to go back to her room, she saw Mako was standing near the door...Kotoha just stared at her and Mako looked at her and said, "don't worry, your secret is safe with me". Kotoha then cried on Mako's shoulder...

Back in reality, a monster was attacking and Mako got hurt in the battle without letting any of the other samurai knows...the monster wanted the children to cry in a way so the girls took the children to safe place while the guys think of something...while Kotoha was playing the children, Mako step aside to tender her wounds...Kotoha saw her injury and asked what happened...Mako kept saying that it is nothing and kept on smiling...she said that she always wanted to be a bride, a wife...and sometimes she thinks like in this kind of situation,if they can't stop the monster, she wondered if she could ever have a dream come true...from a frown, she suddenly smiled at Kotoha and said that she wouldn't want to listen to such a story...Kotoha grabs Mako in her arms and said that she always relied on her eventhough Mako has her own problems and she was sorry...she also said that she wouldn't have to be so strong all the time...Mako was shocked and cried on Kotoha's shoulder for a change...

I almost cried watching this episode and wondering where have all those people that gave me their word...that said that they will 'be there for me'....one day, i just hope i can meet people who is true to their hearts...a true friendship...

A Heart...

What is it actually? Im not so sure about it myself...since this few months i've been called with such names...weak...useless...loser...what else? all of it describes me...

It's not far from the truth...i cant do anything right...everything i touched turns into a disaster...my results....friendships...relationships....all goes down into the drain...

So-called friends..."u can talk to me...i'll listen" im sick of hearing these words...does anyone ever able to keep their word? their promise? im sick of living like this...

Always scared everyday...always crying every night...seems like i cant trust anyone right now...i cant trust any word they say to me anymore...

Once i've helped them,they just ran away with their friends...leaving me behind...i trusted each and everyone of them...

Now i dont even want to feel happy...why? because when you're happy,you'll hope...once the hope turns out to be a false one,you'll get dissapointed...

If you want me to be strong then you'll lose what u have...if becoming strong is in the dark,then i'll go to the deepest depth...

I may be useless to you...i may be nothing...i may be a coward...but i have a heart...and bit by bit,you are destroying it...

Siberia

"When you come back I won't be here"
She said and gently pulled me near
"If you want to talk you can call
And no it's not your fault"

I just smiled and said let go of me
But there's something that I've just gotta know
"Did someone else steal my part?"
She said it's not my fault

Then my heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too

I was drifted in between
Like I was on the outside looking in,
In my dreams you are still here
Like you've always been

I gave myself away completely
But you just couldn't see me
Though I was sleeping in your bed
'Cause someone else was on your mind
In your head

When I came back she wasn't there
Just a note left on the stairs
"If you want to talk give me a call...."

Alone?

Guess im back where i started a few months ago...almost everyone around me is really testing my patience...i trust people too fast...now look where it lead me? alone again...one by one they all just left...when they met me,they all said the same thing,"u can share your problems with me" or something similar to that...

but they all just left me like a fool...even the new people i met did the same thing...once they've found new friends...well,u know what im going to say...im too naive...what frustrates me is that cant they just keep their word? suddenly a new person came up to me and said the same thing...can i trust her? what i know,my heart is dying and dying and my trust towards people is becoming less and less...or maybe i just dont know how to handle my problems...everytime i have one,i just run away from it...now people said that im too sensitive...that really hurts...cause it came from a trustworthy friend...

probably i let them in too fast...

I Should Go..

Here we are

Isn't it familiar

Haven't had someone to talk to

In such a long time

And it's strange

All we have in common

And your company was just the thing I needed tonight

Somehow I feel I should apologize

Cuz I'm just a little shaken

By what's going on inside

I should go

Before my will gets any weaker

And my eyes begin to linger

Longer than they should

I should go

Before I lose my sense of reason

And this hour holds more meaning

Than it ever could

I should go

I don't mean to leave you with a trivial excuse

And when you call tomorrow, I'll know what to do

Happy or Unhappy...

I really wish that i could turn back the time sometimes...i've forgotten about my ex...but now i cant be near her either...im afraid to meet her...im afraid i'll hurt my friends...when i think about it,im happier now...but what's the cost? sometimes i think like everytime im present in some situation,the situation will only end up to be worse than it's supposed to...

maybe i cant really be happy...maybe it's not just my way...i wish i could turn back the time where i didnt know all the girls yet...my feelings are just getting in the way now...at that time,i dont have a single feeling...just cold...now i think im too close for comfort with some of them...or maybe im just still dissapointed with my results? maybe i shouldnt get too close...

My Heart Will Go On..

My Heart Will Go On...one song that has captured many hearts around the world...even mine when i was just 3/4 years old...even when i was little,this song ease my mind a bit...and it helped me to sleep...the song was created for the movie Titanic that came out in 1993...

i havent really saw the movie...i only saw bit by bit...and a week ago...there was a trailer that this movie is making a comeback...and there was one part,where the song goes,"you're here,there's nothing i fear" and that part was playing a clip where leonardo dicaprio said to kate winslet,"don't you ever let go" then kate said,"i would never let go"...it really captured my heart at that moment...

i really wish that someday,someone would say the same thing to me...there were people who said it before,but they have gone away...the song is really sad in a way...but it is one of my favourites...