Melissa.../ Dont wanna lose you now...

"That simple act of crying,only proves,without question,that the existance of emotion is nothing but a burden.."

Melissa! it's been a while since we talk rite? i dun know wut happen to ur phone..im not even sure if im the reason we dun c each other that much since this few weeks...i dun know...probably,i just dun want u 2 c me like when i was before...i know u want to help but u can only do so much...u've given me alot of advice 4 that,i tq....probably,now i just dun want u 2 c me sad..coz i cant deny it,i still am...so sori...but,like u said,it's not all bout me...so,u get it where im heading rite? i was weak...that lead me to be vunerable and that also lead me to my many problems...i was fool then...but,im sure im a bigger fool now...coz im going against my own nature...but if it's better 4 everyone,damn...no matter....and 4 this particular someone...whom i loved...although we're so far away,how can u cause me so much pain? haha...i dun even know...but,i dun want to even care anymore...im going my own road...eventhough i dun know where im heading...haha...u...this is 4 u...***** *****

I never thought that I would lose my mind
That I could control this
Never thought that I'd be left behind
That I was stronger than you, baby
Girl if only I knew what I've done
You know, so why don't you tell me
And I, I would bring down the moon and the sun
To show how much I care

Don't want to lose to loneliness
Girl I know we can win
Don't want to lose to emptiness
Never again

Don't wanna lose you now
I know we can win this
Don't wanna lose you now
No, no, or ever again

I've got this feeling you're not gonna stay
It's burning within me
The fear of losing
Of slipping away
It just keeps getting closer, baby
Whatever reason to leave that I've had
My place was always beside you
And i wish that I didn't need you so bad
Your face just won't go away..

Pathetic...

Plain old frens...or more than that? Is it every human like that? Giving false hopes? Like or hate? I dun know...Nat said that she might be my 1st love...from her point of view....i dun know...probably...i am a teenager now...16....as i remember i wasnt like this with any other girl before....in the past,when i like a girl...i try to get her to notice me...then,when she hurt me,i just moved on with another...it wasnt easy...2 4get S & W...but,still...this time,it's different....i just want to 4get her....like i did in the past with the other girls...but somehow,i cant...one of my childhood frens said that im loyal and have empathy...i dun get the empathy part but the loyal...i get it...maybe she is my 1st love...but how pathetic i can be? she's rite under my nose(well,not literally) and i c that she loves another guy...and,she's change...she's not the one that i've fallen for anymore... so,she treats me like a fren,and i should too...damn it....but seeing her being so different than before,is quite upsetting...listening,seeing her..haih..so,wut i should i do? Melissa,if u're reading this,i know u once asked me why do i think this kind of bullshit....i know,im stupid...but u,of all the people,should know how much pain i've gone through...i just want to get away from her...seeing her adorable face is just too much for me...the thing is,i cant blame her....it's my fault 4 falling 4 her when i vowed not to,last year...things happen for a reason they say...but maybe,her change,just happen...and,how 'lucky'...im still stuck in love and hate...pathetic....pathetic...PATHETIC!!!

*You broke my heart into a million pieces*
but
*You still manage to be the one in my heart...*

New classic

Hmm...a song from another cinderella story...new classic...is a very nice song...in my point of view of course...it's a common love song...a guy likes a girl...but,everytime i hear this song,there was always this one girl,that will be in my mind...i like her...well,i dun know for sure actually...if u think bout this person alot,does it mean u like that person??? I dun know...wut i do know is,she's the one i want to return to...she's my home...but,it cant be that way...there's a malay saying,"cinta bertepuk sebelah tangan"..meaning that i like her but didnt get a reply...sometimes i do hate her...i hate her bcoz i dun want to like her...i dun want to like her coz i cant get close to her...i cant get close to her bcoz im not like any other guy....just a quiet,foolish guy hoping for something that wouldn't possibly happen...who am i kidding? playing hypocrite everyday...wut a fool...anyway,here's for u...like i said,i hate her sometimes but sometimes i do like her...everytime when im with u,u just made me feel safe...but u make u me feel sad & happy at the same time...but that's not when we're not alone...when we r alone,im so happy to be with u...but when i think back,at everyguy u will treat the same...so,im just nothing special...but when i think bout that,i thought bout ur fren...she's more understanding...she was always soft spoken with me...i hope u can be like her...but,the fact is,u dun know that i like u,so...i dun blame u...but "i think i found a new classic in u.."

if you're listening this is for you
whoa whoa..
try to say it right been rehearsing this all night
and i had the words planned down but now nothing's coming out
cause you're like a movie star
you lose track of where we are
i know it sounds so cliche
and you take my breath away
when we're together feel like i can know you forever exciting familiar
but new

now i know that no one else would do all that i knew nothing was true
no one else i see
the one that sees me for what i can be in everything you do
think i found the new classic in you it's become so hard
for me to be surprised
but you're bringing back the real me
no judgement in your eyes
when i dance with you
that's how i speak the truth
it's just classic when we met now
you make me move no one else would do
all that i knew nothing was true
no one else i see the one that sees me for what i can be in everything you do think i found the new classic in you think i found the new classic in you...

Here comes goodbye...

Well,it has been proven that u like another guy...i shouldn't have feelings 4 u in the 1st place...but it couldn't be helped...i've gone 2 deep...there's nothing i can do...im not giving up...im just letting u go...but can i? hah! i dun even know if i can...it hurts...but,here's a song that i dedicate to u....i can't wait 4 u forever...

I can hear the truck tires coming up the gravel road
And it's not like her to drive that slow, nothing's on the radio
Footsteps on the front porch, I hear my doorbell
She usually comes right in, now I can tell

I can hear her say "I love you" like it was yesterday
And I can see it written on her face that she had never felt this way
One day I thought I'd see her with her daddy by her side
And violins would play Here Comes The Bride

Why's it have to go from good to gone?
Before the lights turn on
Yeah, and you're left alone
Oh! But here comes goodbye! Oh!

Here comes goodbye
Here comes the last time
Here comes the start of every sleepless night
The first of every tear I'm gonna cry

Here comes the pain
Here comes me wishing things had never changed
And she was right here in my arms tonight
But here comes goodbye, ooh

Expectations

Expectations.....
To them the word imply inevitable failure...Was it wrong to have faith that things could turn out well? All my research had been right...no matter what anyone says about expectations,everyone secretly hoped that everything that they do will turn out well...There's a reason why people say we shouldn't expect too much...no one wants to see someone thay care about end up dissapointed...we secretly act to protect our own from being hurt and do what we can to make the right choice for the people we loved...but the reason we have expectations from the first place is because we want to aim as high as we can...because when you love someone,there's no limit what you can accomplish...

Hotaru No Hikari...

Damn u..haih...i told u my emel and password doesnt mean u can hack it and just rite something like that...it's true wut u said...wut u wrote was exactly wut i feel,but still things can change...dont do that ever again...there's a song that Utada Hikaru wrote and that song was chosen to be the theme for naruto...it's a really sad song but still it's a 'hope' song...get it? In the story,naruto wants to rescue sasuke and he's trying his best to do wutever he can to reach him...to relate this song to naruto,it means that sasuke is naruto's hope...if someone can understand this song and relate it to ones life,that would be great...haha...coz,i relate this song to this special someone...well,a fren actually...2 of them...download it! haha!


SHA LA LA I'm sure, someday, I'll obtain it
Softly in my fleeting heart, a light is burning Softly in my fleeting heart, a light is burning

The "urge" of wanting to see you, the "innocence" that made me want to cry
The fireflies that flew into the fire of summer will not return

Don't say anything, just leave me with a kiss
Whilst being burnt, you nodded
Life, to the point of sadness, flickered

SHA LA LA I'm sure, someday, I'll obtain it
Softly in my fleeting heart, a light is burning
SHA LA LA Person dear to me, you, too, can see it
The dazzling moon softly illuminates tomorrow
Shining strongly, strongly

In my violent heart, the nearly lost memories
That had been blown out are gently lit again

I got the feeling that if I ran on in a daze, I'd touch it
So I go on, arm outstretched
Life, to the point of pain, flickers

SHA LA LA I want to go on singing forever
Softly in my shivering heart, a light is burning
SHA LA LA Person dear to me, so that I can reach you
Let these feelings softly be invited into the endless sky
Let them resound strongly, strongly

SHA LA LA I'm sure, someday, the fireflies will stop lighting
Softly in my disappearing heart, a dream is shining
SHA LA LA Person dear to me, don't you forget, either
Softly in the glittering summer, wishes are piling up

Home...

Haih..wut a drag...i wanted 2 take pics yesterday....but i had a migrain so i didn have the energy..but i did manage 2 take a couple of pics...i thought of something while i was on my bed...all the things that has happen in the years...all the fights...there's a truth in the saying that time heal all wounds...physically the healing begins in moments and our body does all the work...but when a relationship is injured...some wounds heal in a day...others lay 'there' 4 the rest of our lives...sometimes we only need to heal oursleves...and sometimes our true work lies in healing others...and at that moment...when we sleep the subconscious mind takes over...our dreams can reveal wut's disturbing us in our waking hours...and there r rare occasions in a state between sleep and consciousness when the thing that's most trouble us can emerge...the thing that's most trouble me? well,i c it...and some people have gave me advice...their words was a comfort...but i still felt lost and confuse...i knew that they were worried,not sure how to help me...all of us r hoping that answers r on the way...where is the road back 'home'? i cant seem 2 find it...they always say a heart is not a whole without the one who gets u through the storm...in other words im still blind by the 'fog'...wherever someone thinks of u,that's where u go home 2...is that true? i cant find a home without the 'one'? but no matter how much we think of someone,there r some who wont return...it's a very diffivult thing 2 have ur thoughts reach someone...yet,if u give up and there's no one 2 think bout that person,well..that's just sad...then there really wont be a place 2 return 2...they kept saying to let her go but how can i when she doesnt tell me truth yet? so...no matter wut anyone says,i just have 2 keep thinking of her and create a place where she can return freely at any time...until i know the truth...anyway,Selamat Hari Raya and Happy hols 2 all my frens! Sori if i hurted u guys in any kind of way...