3rd week...

hah! we r already having our exam this early of the year...saman the kerajaan la...kalau fail spm,salahkan diorg! hmph! x guna...it's already the 3rd week...time goes slowly 4 me...why do i have 2 c u everyday...well,i dun c u very often but...haiya...just get on with ur life...wait...probably i should do that...but i cant...cursed this mind of mine...u keep popping inside my head...even when im day dreaming...stupid affections...but when can i do? cinta bertepuk sbelah tgn...wut do u call it in english? "love clap with a hand"??? haha...i dun blame u though...im just not fit 2 be ur guy...let's face it...i cant do anything...even if i can,i might just mess it up...all i can do is just be silent when i met u...keep quiet...keep a low-profile...hold up all my feelings inside...crying inside...wutever....probably u're rite mirza...probably im the one who's leaving them...but...can u really blame me 4 wut im doing? i hate them...all i hold in my heart is just hatred and vengence...but i dun hate u...u probably understand a bit bout me...do u mirza? haha...wutever it is,it's probably wut u said melissa...i havent found my answer yet...but is it? or is it that im just 2 stubborn? bah...wutever...but i cant stop thinking bout the warm fuzzy feeling i had last saturday...a person got close to me and temporarily bcoming my 'mom'...well,i dun mind...when i think bout it,i kinda like it...probably i just like the attention...by being the youngest,i like to be 'manja'...but bcoz of my father that passed down his attitude to me,i like to make other people 'manja' as well...can anybody gets it? haha...but i know i cant ask that much from the girl...history might repeat itself...and she'll probably ran off just like the others...but we'll c how it goes 1st...and SHAM! apa la ko...ari sabtu ari,ayah aku leh hantar ko pe...best kot klu parents aku lbih kenal ko...diorg dh kenal nat,wafa ngan naim...diorg nk gak kenal ko...lg2,ko antara yg aku paling rpt...aku bnyk cte pasal ko...so,jgn malu!

The 1st week...

hahaha...cant believe it...im already at f5...my senior year...my last year at high skool...a week ago i was kinda nervous to c my frens again and i was also nervous bout which class im going to be in...and as i hoped i got in 5 Dedikasi...from f1 to f5,i was in 2nd classes...haha...weird but i kept getting no 2...well,iman said that it might be my lucky no...but i dun believe in all that...but as 4 me,i think im really satisfied by just being no 2...just like in my science club,i got the vice president title...still,when i think bout it,if i were to be the president,i dun know if i can do it...but still,IF i got the job,i would still try to do my best...anyway,bout the 1st week...i got most of my sis's teachers,so i dun mind...im just worried bout my bm teacher...the 1st and the 2nd day,i was really quiet...well,i was nervous of course and i was a bit confused...personal problems...u dun wanna know...but by wednesday,i was a 'light' up...then there was our 1st PE 4 the year..it was fun...playing my fav sport : badminton...with hakim,jega and asfvin..hakim is one heck of a player...he got skills...oh,and thx sham 4 the thingy u gave me...it's cute though...haha...sori that mine wasnt so...how 2 say it? ehm..flashy? haha...still,hoped u liked it...finally came friday...me and the other librarians was needed after skool to clean up the library...so,me and some of my frens walked back to skool from McD...and it was really EXHAUSTING....Nat kept on talking and talking...well,it helped though...she kept us laughing...luckily i didnt past-out...i was afraid that i might collapsed bcoz of my blood pressure...but,i kept on pushing...anyway,when we finally arrived skool,it felt better...but it dint stop there...the next morning we have to meet up again to finish the rest...so,that's bout it...and next week,i got an exam...damn it...so,ciao 4 now...

The End of 2009...

wah...wut a long year...it's finally coming to an end...well,4 parts of my high skool arc is done...another part to go...my 'lil sis' sent me a msg the other day...it said that our teenage years would be our most suffering but at the same time our most memorable moments...all though this year turn out to be one of my suffering part,it made me realize a few things bout me...kinda when i was in f2...weird,i had fun in f1 and f3 but suffered in f2 and f4...hope next year will turn out a great year,coz it's gonna be my last year with my teenagehood frens...although i have to work my but off next year but at the same time,i'll make the most of it...there's saying,"when u can stop the future,make the moments last forever.."...2day,i got my skool books 4 next year...well,i was nervous to c my frens again...haha...but tell u wut,there was one person that blew my eyes out..wah...hahaha...when i 1st arrived at the skool,i was scolded my si panjang! haha...sori la adila! aku pon baru tahu! then,i saw my zombie sis and jega...and wut's wrong with u jega! nmpk mak aku,ucap la salam! tengok si mai ngan diyanah tu! then i heard somebody said "hi"..but i cant c who said it..lookk like she was hiding behind toyol...sham! sori! x nmpk ko! mayb tu sbb ko kata aku sombong tu kot...after getting the booksour next to become our PPS teacher asked us to clean up the 'artifacts' at soon to be 5 ikhlas and carry it to the library...oh man...i didnt had a gud nite sleep...and i was tired,but i cant let the girls do it..the boys wasnt there at the moment...finally,after cleaning up,i can finally go to get my sister's spm sijil...oh...and i got no 19..damn it...but,probably that was how far i suppose to go...nat did get no 11...well,i suspect no less from her...and sham too...haha...this year was quite interesting...kena maki mcm2...belajar mcm2 gak...although my mind did get twisted a few times,but i couldnt have wished to change it...im sory 2 everyone who i may have hurt,annoyed or other bad feelings that i may have given along the months...hope next year will be a better year...

Happy New Year everyone!!!

2010!

Menyesal

2day i gone out as usual...i went to visit my auntie at Seremban...after we've seen her new house,we went back...it was a rainy day...a long road...it took an extra 30 mins just to get home...hahaha...i was sleeping throughout the journey..but i did record the time....while we were going back,i listen to a song that my sis gave to me...Menyesal by Ressa...it was a rainy day...so,i was feeling sleepy and down for a moment...so,i took my hp and listen to it...it is a really nice song...kinda sad really...here r the lyrics...

semula ku tak yakin
kau lakukan ini padaku
meski di hati merasa
kau berubah saat kau mengenal dia

bila cinta tak lagi untukku
bila hati tak lagi padaku
mengapa harus dia yang merebut dirimu

bila aku tak baik untukmu
dan bila dia bahagia dirimu
aku kan pergi meski hati tak akan rela

terkadang ku menyesal
mengapa ku kenalkan dia padamu

23rd Disember..Every Part Of Me...

Im sick of this...i cant sleep lately...and lately,i cant control my anger...sometimes i just got angry 4 no reason...probably bcoz of the insomnia coming back...but i did notice something...im angrier than ever and i dun know why...my problems? let it just die..it's already the 23rd of Disember..how many years has it been??? 3 years? wah...it felt longer than that...i can still remember i ate koko crunch at 9 AM on the 22nd Dis...when one of my uncle's workers is shifting our belongings...im with my 3rd sis at that time...she was playing grand 'something' musashi..we still havent bought ps2 at that time...i was in my room seeing her playing the game...1/3 of the house was empty at that time...believe it or not,i still kept that aluminium that close the milk box i used to eat with the cereal that day...my other 2 sis and my parents were at our new house arranging the furniture..the next day,i ate koko crunch again but this time in front of the tv while watching Xiaolin Showdown...my sisters was there 2...but my parents were getting ready to go to the new house...they wanted to leave as soon as possible..but,i couldnt beg to stay for one more nite...im just a kid...a stupid 13 year old kid...i cant do anything...it was my mothers's dream...tears was flowing out as i ate but i kept them inside coz i know if i show it to my family,they wouldnt understand...i was happy when i heard that the workers needed another day to accomplish the shifting of the furniture...i can still remember...that night..around 11...my mother asked us to sleep early coz we have a 'big' day 2morrow...but i couldnt sleep...thinking of leaving the house just kept me awake...so,when i made sure that my family was sleeping...i sneak out of my room...and reminiscence bout all the things in the house even though it was 1/2 full...but i can still remember everything and everywhere it was put...so,i cant help it...my tears fall from my eyes like a waterfall...i took a tour in my own house...from my room..to the kitchen...to upstairs...my sis bedrooms...my parents bedroom to the computer room way up stairs...when i came back down to the living room,more tears flows out...and i fall to my knees...crying hard...remembered the memories...i touched the sofa where my buddies used to seat on my last bday party...i open the door...watch the full bright sky...crying...i lied in front of the tv...i used to sleep there when i as still in kindergarden...i cried more when i remember that's the place where i learn to count from 1 to 100 at the age of 4 at a couch near the side window...i learn my ABC's at the age of 5 in front of the tv with my mom...i learn to go to school there...everytime i was scolded from my Uztazah,no matter how sad i was..how depressed...how angry...when i come home,i felt much better...i got my ps when i was std 2..entering std 3...i put it in the living room at 1st...but the tv kept on busting...so,i said to my mom to buy a smaller tv and put it in our guest room that later became my own bedroom...oh,i started became a prefect at std 3 too..at std 4,i learn a new sub,science...and i was getting sloppy...not sure why...when i entered primary skool,i had more memories at skool than at home...i slept with my sis till i was the age of 10...in std 5,i watch over my grandmom...she slept at my bed when she was there...i watch over her if she needed any help coz i know that house like it was on the back of my hand...then,i was std 6...my grandma died and i spent most of my time in my room...crying...i didnt go to skool for maybe bout 3-4 days...when i went back,i had a camp at skool...the skool was near a mosque so,when i heard the maghrib azan..i started to cry...my frens saw that..luckily arif was there...and he kept rubbing my back while saying..."dah la tu..."...but when he still saw me crying...he just hold me and looked away...kevin wasnt there coz it was prayers time...thx arif....when i just 5 years old,i went to a kindergarden very near to my house but i didnt go there for long..later i was 'home-kindergarden'...while my parents were at work,i just lay in front of the tv...watching roley poley olley(my fav show at that time)...duckula...tom & jerry...and many more...till i was 6 years old,i got to a new kindergarden that was also later quit..one day,the bus didnt came to pick me up...it was at 9 or 10 am...so,i didnt know wut to do but walk home alone...i got chase by dogs and trust me,there were plenty...but bcoz of my small size,i hid very well..finally i got home and just in time,my father was bringing my sisters home from skool...there was a playground there that i used to play with my sisters every evening...everynite,my family would be in one spot...my dad would be on the couch...my mom would be in front of the tv reading newspapers...i would play my ps...my 2 other sis would watch me...my older sis would eat...that was wut i called a 'home'...even when my ps were transfered to my room,the situation didnt change..oh and i can still remember that when i was in std 6,i slept in my oldest sis bedroom...but it was only for a few months...in 2006,i went back to sleep at my room...i miss it..haha...i celebrated my bday parties there..i met my childhood frens there..i got my chicken pox there...i celebrated my UPSR results there..i learn everything there..cries,sorrow,happiness..was all stored there..i watched my 1st anime,saiyuki,there...and i kept on growing my spirit for the PR there...that's the place where my sis always fought with each other...i grew up there...for nine years...i loved that place not just bcoz of the memories...but that was also the place where i felt my family was like an ordinary family...my parents didnt understand that..even my sisters...i cant do anything...my hands r tied...after crying in so much pain,i went back to my bed and hold on to my pillow as it hurts so much deep inside...crying and crying all nite...then,it was moring..it was finally time...i got up into the car...and drove away from the house...then i passed my primary skool,SKBUD...i wanted to cry...but i cant...but still,a tear fall out..i quickly wipe it away before any of my sisters saw it...we reached our new home...my mom ordered a mcd delivery..i ate my fav meal to release the sorrow...but it still didnt work...but i just kept on smiling...till nite,i went up to my new room...trying to feel 'connected' with the new house and the new room...but i cant...and i fall to my new bed and cried again...till i sleep...my last day there...i wont forget it...23rd disember 2006...my last year at that place...2006...i wont forget it either...i was terrified of my new skool...but i didnt worry bout my feelings when i was there...i was still strong spirited back then...it kept me going...i made new frens...zhi yang...khairi...lam...syafiq...radzali...acap...syairah...natasha...and many more...i used to rite some lines 4 my crush at that time on the computer room...i used to call natasha for hours on my room...i dun know but i think that was the best year so far...like i said,no matter how angry,sad or depressed i was,when i come home,i wouldnt worry bout it and moved on...i can still remember somebody tease me coz of my name till i cried...when i came back,i just smiled...how odd...probably it sounds stupid but it happened to me...i realize that im not the same stupid boy years ago...in my opinion,i like the stupid boy years ago than the foolish boy now...i'll cherished the moments there 4ever...

I feel like I'm
A million miles away
From myself
More and more these days
I've been down
So many open roads
But they never lead me home
And now i just don't know
Who i really am
How it's gonna be
Is there something that I can't see
I wanna understand

So I'll try
Try to sort things out
And find myself
Get my feet back on the ground
It'll take time
But I know I'll be alright
Cuz nothing much has changed
On the inside
It's hard to figure out
How it's gonna be
Cuz I don't really know now
I wanna understand

I don't wanna wait too long
To find out where I'm meant to belong
I've always wanted to be where I am today
But I never thought I'd feel this way

Maybe I will never be
Who I was before
Maybe I don't know him anymore
Maybe who I am today
Ain't so far from yesterday
Can I find a way to be
Every part of me...

A Real Relationship???

Yesterday...i watching a show called Chuck on AXN...so,chuck(the main character of the series) has been crushing with his CIA partner Sarah...from the beginning their relationship status was just a fake..a cover so that people wouldnt expect her to be a CIA agent...from time to time,it seems like they beginning to have a real relationship...but finally,chuck got tired of the relationship status just being a cover..he wanted the status to be real...but he knew he cant...coz Sarah is an agent...so,he gave up trying...im not sure if he knew that Sarah too has fallen 4 him...one day,chuck met with his Ex while doing a job...when he was still in college,his ex,Jill,was mad at chuck coz chuck was accused of cheating..i dun know why but Jill got so upset that he slept with chuck's best fren...a few years later,they met again...chuck didnt know wut ot do at 1st coz he's scared that jill might break his heart again...but when Jill said,"i hoped that we can fix it"..i dun really remember the words but it was like that...well,in my opinion Jill was kinda like giving a false hope...chuck didnt know if he wanted to try with jill again...but finally,they got back 2gether when Chuck saved the day and revealed that he's an CIA agent too..Chuck said to Jill that he doesnt have anything with Sarah...it's just a cover...so,he can finally have a REAL relationship with jill...well,it was sweet at the end...the geek got the girl...at least now Jill doesnt seem to be giving false hopes...girls...some can be quite monsters...

New Moon..

the twilight saga : new moon...now i know why it called new moon...i gone out with some frens 2day to watch the movie...well,it was funny...i thought the movie started at 2 so i rushed up to get ready...and suprise2,the movie actually starts at 2.40! thx sham! :P when me and hakeem met sham and her frens...we thought we were already 2 late...haih...sham2...then,wut was her name again...sarah i think? the cute one...haha...she told me that she didnt remember coz i was shorter the last time we gone out...have i grown tall? i didnt realize..after that we went in to watch the movie...the movie was bout romance so,i didnt like the 1st few parts,,,one thing is,love has never come easy for me...that's why i dun like this romantic stuff...after an hour i think,Jacob the werewolf appeared..i like the part when he appeared coz i somehow relate his story with my life...loved a girl,but never got anything in return...and the thing is,he's kinda like me...hot-tempered...haha...but i know how to control it...but,it really is sad...at 1st,jacob think that Bella likes him...but in the end,Bella still chose Edward...wut i dun get is,why did Bella said she likes him in the 1s place? and at the ending where she told him that she loved him...why? is she just playing on both sides? or is it that she only loves Jacob as a best fren? but,still...watching that movie brings back old scars...damn it...i hate to say it again...coz it has been a few months that i didnt think bout all this things...but,im confused...im thinking back from wut i've become before i made the choice of forgeting the scars...is the person i've become my 'new moon'? wut i know is,i did wut i did to not hurt other people anymore...and myself...im just tired of chasing something that will never happen...the 'edward cullen' in my life is my fren...just seeing her the other day made me think...should i really continue trying to get her? the thing is,im not the type of guy who chase girls...or rather,i dun know how...but as syairah always told me,if she was meant for me,she'll come back...so,wut am thinking all this things 4? haha! how crazy am i? maybe it's just the movie...it takes me back...now2...i've gotta be strong...well,she does makes me happy...
wanna know who it is?
it is for me to know and u to figure out...
2 be continued...

*overall,the movie was great...