Menyesal

2day i gone out as usual...i went to visit my auntie at Seremban...after we've seen her new house,we went back...it was a rainy day...a long road...it took an extra 30 mins just to get home...hahaha...i was sleeping throughout the journey..but i did record the time....while we were going back,i listen to a song that my sis gave to me...Menyesal by Ressa...it was a rainy day...so,i was feeling sleepy and down for a moment...so,i took my hp and listen to it...it is a really nice song...kinda sad really...here r the lyrics...

semula ku tak yakin
kau lakukan ini padaku
meski di hati merasa
kau berubah saat kau mengenal dia

bila cinta tak lagi untukku
bila hati tak lagi padaku
mengapa harus dia yang merebut dirimu

bila aku tak baik untukmu
dan bila dia bahagia dirimu
aku kan pergi meski hati tak akan rela

terkadang ku menyesal
mengapa ku kenalkan dia padamu

23rd Disember..Every Part Of Me...

Im sick of this...i cant sleep lately...and lately,i cant control my anger...sometimes i just got angry 4 no reason...probably bcoz of the insomnia coming back...but i did notice something...im angrier than ever and i dun know why...my problems? let it just die..it's already the 23rd of Disember..how many years has it been??? 3 years? wah...it felt longer than that...i can still remember i ate koko crunch at 9 AM on the 22nd Dis...when one of my uncle's workers is shifting our belongings...im with my 3rd sis at that time...she was playing grand 'something' musashi..we still havent bought ps2 at that time...i was in my room seeing her playing the game...1/3 of the house was empty at that time...believe it or not,i still kept that aluminium that close the milk box i used to eat with the cereal that day...my other 2 sis and my parents were at our new house arranging the furniture..the next day,i ate koko crunch again but this time in front of the tv while watching Xiaolin Showdown...my sisters was there 2...but my parents were getting ready to go to the new house...they wanted to leave as soon as possible..but,i couldnt beg to stay for one more nite...im just a kid...a stupid 13 year old kid...i cant do anything...it was my mothers's dream...tears was flowing out as i ate but i kept them inside coz i know if i show it to my family,they wouldnt understand...i was happy when i heard that the workers needed another day to accomplish the shifting of the furniture...i can still remember...that night..around 11...my mother asked us to sleep early coz we have a 'big' day 2morrow...but i couldnt sleep...thinking of leaving the house just kept me awake...so,when i made sure that my family was sleeping...i sneak out of my room...and reminiscence bout all the things in the house even though it was 1/2 full...but i can still remember everything and everywhere it was put...so,i cant help it...my tears fall from my eyes like a waterfall...i took a tour in my own house...from my room..to the kitchen...to upstairs...my sis bedrooms...my parents bedroom to the computer room way up stairs...when i came back down to the living room,more tears flows out...and i fall to my knees...crying hard...remembered the memories...i touched the sofa where my buddies used to seat on my last bday party...i open the door...watch the full bright sky...crying...i lied in front of the tv...i used to sleep there when i as still in kindergarden...i cried more when i remember that's the place where i learn to count from 1 to 100 at the age of 4 at a couch near the side window...i learn my ABC's at the age of 5 in front of the tv with my mom...i learn to go to school there...everytime i was scolded from my Uztazah,no matter how sad i was..how depressed...how angry...when i come home,i felt much better...i got my ps when i was std 2..entering std 3...i put it in the living room at 1st...but the tv kept on busting...so,i said to my mom to buy a smaller tv and put it in our guest room that later became my own bedroom...oh,i started became a prefect at std 3 too..at std 4,i learn a new sub,science...and i was getting sloppy...not sure why...when i entered primary skool,i had more memories at skool than at home...i slept with my sis till i was the age of 10...in std 5,i watch over my grandmom...she slept at my bed when she was there...i watch over her if she needed any help coz i know that house like it was on the back of my hand...then,i was std 6...my grandma died and i spent most of my time in my room...crying...i didnt go to skool for maybe bout 3-4 days...when i went back,i had a camp at skool...the skool was near a mosque so,when i heard the maghrib azan..i started to cry...my frens saw that..luckily arif was there...and he kept rubbing my back while saying..."dah la tu..."...but when he still saw me crying...he just hold me and looked away...kevin wasnt there coz it was prayers time...thx arif....when i just 5 years old,i went to a kindergarden very near to my house but i didnt go there for long..later i was 'home-kindergarden'...while my parents were at work,i just lay in front of the tv...watching roley poley olley(my fav show at that time)...duckula...tom & jerry...and many more...till i was 6 years old,i got to a new kindergarden that was also later quit..one day,the bus didnt came to pick me up...it was at 9 or 10 am...so,i didnt know wut to do but walk home alone...i got chase by dogs and trust me,there were plenty...but bcoz of my small size,i hid very well..finally i got home and just in time,my father was bringing my sisters home from skool...there was a playground there that i used to play with my sisters every evening...everynite,my family would be in one spot...my dad would be on the couch...my mom would be in front of the tv reading newspapers...i would play my ps...my 2 other sis would watch me...my older sis would eat...that was wut i called a 'home'...even when my ps were transfered to my room,the situation didnt change..oh and i can still remember that when i was in std 6,i slept in my oldest sis bedroom...but it was only for a few months...in 2006,i went back to sleep at my room...i miss it..haha...i celebrated my bday parties there..i met my childhood frens there..i got my chicken pox there...i celebrated my UPSR results there..i learn everything there..cries,sorrow,happiness..was all stored there..i watched my 1st anime,saiyuki,there...and i kept on growing my spirit for the PR there...that's the place where my sis always fought with each other...i grew up there...for nine years...i loved that place not just bcoz of the memories...but that was also the place where i felt my family was like an ordinary family...my parents didnt understand that..even my sisters...i cant do anything...my hands r tied...after crying in so much pain,i went back to my bed and hold on to my pillow as it hurts so much deep inside...crying and crying all nite...then,it was moring..it was finally time...i got up into the car...and drove away from the house...then i passed my primary skool,SKBUD...i wanted to cry...but i cant...but still,a tear fall out..i quickly wipe it away before any of my sisters saw it...we reached our new home...my mom ordered a mcd delivery..i ate my fav meal to release the sorrow...but it still didnt work...but i just kept on smiling...till nite,i went up to my new room...trying to feel 'connected' with the new house and the new room...but i cant...and i fall to my new bed and cried again...till i sleep...my last day there...i wont forget it...23rd disember 2006...my last year at that place...2006...i wont forget it either...i was terrified of my new skool...but i didnt worry bout my feelings when i was there...i was still strong spirited back then...it kept me going...i made new frens...zhi yang...khairi...lam...syafiq...radzali...acap...syairah...natasha...and many more...i used to rite some lines 4 my crush at that time on the computer room...i used to call natasha for hours on my room...i dun know but i think that was the best year so far...like i said,no matter how angry,sad or depressed i was,when i come home,i wouldnt worry bout it and moved on...i can still remember somebody tease me coz of my name till i cried...when i came back,i just smiled...how odd...probably it sounds stupid but it happened to me...i realize that im not the same stupid boy years ago...in my opinion,i like the stupid boy years ago than the foolish boy now...i'll cherished the moments there 4ever...

I feel like I'm
A million miles away
From myself
More and more these days
I've been down
So many open roads
But they never lead me home
And now i just don't know
Who i really am
How it's gonna be
Is there something that I can't see
I wanna understand

So I'll try
Try to sort things out
And find myself
Get my feet back on the ground
It'll take time
But I know I'll be alright
Cuz nothing much has changed
On the inside
It's hard to figure out
How it's gonna be
Cuz I don't really know now
I wanna understand

I don't wanna wait too long
To find out where I'm meant to belong
I've always wanted to be where I am today
But I never thought I'd feel this way

Maybe I will never be
Who I was before
Maybe I don't know him anymore
Maybe who I am today
Ain't so far from yesterday
Can I find a way to be
Every part of me...

A Real Relationship???

Yesterday...i watching a show called Chuck on AXN...so,chuck(the main character of the series) has been crushing with his CIA partner Sarah...from the beginning their relationship status was just a fake..a cover so that people wouldnt expect her to be a CIA agent...from time to time,it seems like they beginning to have a real relationship...but finally,chuck got tired of the relationship status just being a cover..he wanted the status to be real...but he knew he cant...coz Sarah is an agent...so,he gave up trying...im not sure if he knew that Sarah too has fallen 4 him...one day,chuck met with his Ex while doing a job...when he was still in college,his ex,Jill,was mad at chuck coz chuck was accused of cheating..i dun know why but Jill got so upset that he slept with chuck's best fren...a few years later,they met again...chuck didnt know wut ot do at 1st coz he's scared that jill might break his heart again...but when Jill said,"i hoped that we can fix it"..i dun really remember the words but it was like that...well,in my opinion Jill was kinda like giving a false hope...chuck didnt know if he wanted to try with jill again...but finally,they got back 2gether when Chuck saved the day and revealed that he's an CIA agent too..Chuck said to Jill that he doesnt have anything with Sarah...it's just a cover...so,he can finally have a REAL relationship with jill...well,it was sweet at the end...the geek got the girl...at least now Jill doesnt seem to be giving false hopes...girls...some can be quite monsters...

New Moon..

the twilight saga : new moon...now i know why it called new moon...i gone out with some frens 2day to watch the movie...well,it was funny...i thought the movie started at 2 so i rushed up to get ready...and suprise2,the movie actually starts at 2.40! thx sham! :P when me and hakeem met sham and her frens...we thought we were already 2 late...haih...sham2...then,wut was her name again...sarah i think? the cute one...haha...she told me that she didnt remember coz i was shorter the last time we gone out...have i grown tall? i didnt realize..after that we went in to watch the movie...the movie was bout romance so,i didnt like the 1st few parts,,,one thing is,love has never come easy for me...that's why i dun like this romantic stuff...after an hour i think,Jacob the werewolf appeared..i like the part when he appeared coz i somehow relate his story with my life...loved a girl,but never got anything in return...and the thing is,he's kinda like me...hot-tempered...haha...but i know how to control it...but,it really is sad...at 1st,jacob think that Bella likes him...but in the end,Bella still chose Edward...wut i dun get is,why did Bella said she likes him in the 1s place? and at the ending where she told him that she loved him...why? is she just playing on both sides? or is it that she only loves Jacob as a best fren? but,still...watching that movie brings back old scars...damn it...i hate to say it again...coz it has been a few months that i didnt think bout all this things...but,im confused...im thinking back from wut i've become before i made the choice of forgeting the scars...is the person i've become my 'new moon'? wut i know is,i did wut i did to not hurt other people anymore...and myself...im just tired of chasing something that will never happen...the 'edward cullen' in my life is my fren...just seeing her the other day made me think...should i really continue trying to get her? the thing is,im not the type of guy who chase girls...or rather,i dun know how...but as syairah always told me,if she was meant for me,she'll come back...so,wut am thinking all this things 4? haha! how crazy am i? maybe it's just the movie...it takes me back...now2...i've gotta be strong...well,she does makes me happy...
wanna know who it is?
it is for me to know and u to figure out...
2 be continued...

*overall,the movie was great...

A scene at gsc...

ari ni memang bestnyer! kluar ngan kwn2....maaf bnyk2 kpada yg terasa...last minute ajak...x sempat ajak semua...bangun pagi,terlantar kat katil...dikejutkan oleh ayah aku tanya nk bertolak kul brape...memang mls rasa nk bangun sbb baru pukul 9 pagi...jadi aku baring atas katil sambil dengar lagu instrumental Rurouni Kenshin tok tenangkan pkiran...duk terlantar slama 1 jam...dengar lagu slow...tukar ke cd chrono cross lak...then,dh kul 10...berus gigi,manid kemudian mkn...sampai ke mid...but unfortunately,xde sorg pon yg sampai lg...agak boring tunggu lama gle! naim gi hantar makanan ke abg dia yg sedang duduki SPM...syafiq tunggu naim kat lrt...jega bagun lewat! x guna jega! nat,xleh marah coz baru balik dari langkawi...leh fhm situasi dia...jega yg 1st dtg...kte pilih dulu movie yg nk tengok sementara tunggu naim,syafiq dan nat..seperti biasa aku ngan jega gaduh...haha! tapi gaduh nk tengok movie apa...mcm biasa! aku nk tengok planet 51 atau astro boy...nmpk best je...haha...lg2,dua movie tu kul 1.45...aku kena balik awal...jadi,akhirnya pilih christmas carol yg kul 2.30...aku x setuju mula2 coz tentu balik awal dan terpaksa bebankan parents aku...but,ble terpkirkan yg nat lum sampai...terpaksa la...jadi,lepas beli tiket,aku bincang ngan jega nk minta diorg bayar brape sorg..tbe2,akak yg jual tiket tu jwb : RM7...terkejut aku...rupanya akak tu pasang telinga gak! jadi,kte kira2 dan kemudian gi cari tempat nk mkn...jega kata mcd,jadi kte turun...tunggu naim ngan syafiq...kemudian,kte gi tengok domino's nyer menu...pkir yg menu dia agak jimat tok 5 org...then,naim cal kata yg dia dh sampai kat mcd...aku dh la blurr...x nmpk sgt..tengok2 dia main sorok menyorok kat belakang peta mid...aduhai diorg ni...haha! tapi agak gembira tengok diorg...then,kte naik atas coz naim kata baik mkn kat mcd kat gsc...tengok2,nat dh sampai! dan memang x sangka apa yg dia pakai...memang la gembira...haha! sbg kwn,memang patut rasa gembira...then,kte sama2 la mkn kat mcd..syafiq lak duduk sebelah naim...naim duk depan nat..aku teringat yg naim kata klu duk kat depan dia lg romantik...haha! so,aku je la duk sebelah nat...malu,memang la malu coz meja tu kecik and aku x biasa duk rpt ngan pompuan...kwn2 rpt biasala but sbb lama x jumpa nat,malu la gak...biasa la tu bg aku...yg jenis pemalu ni...haha...but,ble dh mkn semua,jadi biasa dan aku mula perli dia mcm2..x bnyk pon...cuma aku ikot naim...haha...then,ble dia tanya aku yg aku suka sgt pakai baju yg aku tengah pakai tu asal? coz dia kata aku pakai baju yg sama ble gi rumah jega...actually,yg gi rumah jega tu,aku pakai jaket hitam la nat!!! ko ni...tadi tu,t shirt je...kte masuk cinema dan jega kata dia nk beli popcorn dan air...dan,suprise2...nmpk izudin ngan afiq tengah kerja kat sana...cayela..memang rajin diorg berdua tu...then,syafiq kata dia nk gi toilet...jadi,dia ngan naim masuk dulu...then,jega lak kata nk gi toilet...sebelum diorg masuk toilet kte jumpa dana tengah kerja juga..haha...aku ngan nat masuk dulu la...dan ini part funny...aku ngan nat nmpk jega,naim dan syafiq masuk...dan disebabkan gelap dirog x nmpk seat mana diorg nk duduk jadi...diorg kluar pintu belakang nk masuk balik pintu at opposite direction...dan tengok2,pintu tu x leh dibuka dari luar! bahahaha! nat tanya,mana diorg hilang..tbe2,jega call,kata pintu x leh buka! memang kelakar!!! jadi,aku ambik diorg dan duduk balik dan skali lg aku terkejut mamat ni x duduk sebelah minah ni...biarla...but,naim dia leh lak duduk tangga! haih...naim2! kte tengok la christmas carol...agak sedih...dan agak menakutkan pada benda yg sama..dan memang kelakar ble watak jim carrey jadi kecil...suara dia pon berubah...nat x abis2 gelak! bahahaha! naim la sindir dia lg...ble dh abis,kte kluar dan terus ke tandas...kemudian syafiq kata dia nk beli barang kat carrefour...kte ikut dia...and tbe2,aku,naim dan nat hilang jega ngan syafiq...kte lepak je la...naim kata nk belanja dorayaki...jadi,dia belikan tok aku dan nat....thx naim! sedap dorayaki tu! then,aku terpaksa balik...aku lari ke jusco...tbe,aku dengar ada org panggil aku...rupanya naim...aku tertinggal dorayaki aku...maaf ye naim buat ko lari...the end...haha...but it was really fun eventhough many cant come...thx 4 coming guys...but i cant forget the scene at gsc...hope can make this feeling last...towards her...haha! we'll c how it goes...

To Be Continued.... :P

Find Yourself

Thats when you find yourself
When you find yourself
In some far off place,
And it causes you
To rethink some things.
You start to sense
That slowly you're becoming someone else
And then you find yourself.

When you make new friends
In a brand new town,
And you start to think
About settling down,
The things that would have been lost on you
Are now clear as a bell.
And you find yourself
That's when you find yourself.

Well you go through life
So sure of where you're heading,
And you wind up lost
And it's the best thing that could've happen.
'Cause sometimes when you lose your way
It's really just as well.
'Cause you find yourself
Thats when you find yourself.

When you meet the one
That you've been waiting for,
And she's everything
That you want and more,
You look at her
And you finally start
To live for someone else.
Thats when you find yourself

The lyrics to the song Find Yourself really reminded me of a fren of mine...so,i dedicate the song to her..haha...anyway,the post earlier i posted this evening was meant to iman...i mean,i made 4 iman...it really is sad...i know it's hard bro,but u've got to be strong...i've given all that i have...now,it's all up to u...this i one of the reasons why i hate most girls...giving false hopes....wut do u think 'we' r? not all male r strong...some just act strong coz of their egos...it is important to act strong but it does need to be control...back to the point,like me,iman too have a fragile heart...he has a big heart...love is blind and so is that girl and most girls...oh,plz...from wut i've seen,they all just want good looking man...rite iman? hmph! not many looks on the inside anymore...i want iman to never give up and keep his heart soft and kind-hearted...unlike me who has been torment by this girl...my heart is cold and dark...and maybe this is the best way...i hate most girls of course...probably the ones that's close...or far...no one knows...haha! why? well,nobody needs to know that...wut im so frustrated is that girl that has crushed my comrade's heart...how could anyone gives false hopes just like that? i mean,if u dun like the guy,just say it...how can she just drag him like that? i mean like saying he has a chance but from the start she already has another guy...i mean,plz...how can she treat him like she likes him eventhough she already has a boyfren? just treat him as a fren...was that so hard? if she could have done that,then he wouldnt be in so much pain...if she thinks him as a lil brother or as a best fren,then it's fine...but she only consider him as a normal fren...damn it...i dun know...just seeing him in pain reminded me when i was in pain and struggling...probably still is....the main point is,if u dun like that someone just treat that someone as a fren...dun go and flirt with the guy and pretend,"hey,im just being nice...dun blame me he thought otherwise"....seriously,i hate those kind of people...but...i can only hope the best for him...for iman...as 4 me,im still struggling with my old crush...well,i cant really say the new one is crush...im only attracted to her...how she smiles...and how she laughs...haha...and somehow she overwrites most of my dark feelings towards my old crush...i dun want to say i love them both...coz that will just sounds like im a player or some sort...attracted and crushing r 2 diff things! probably she'll help me find myself? haha...dun know...we'll just c in a few weeks maybe? :)

The Game Is over

Invincible
Is what you think you are
But you're just so typical
Though you think that you're a star
You act like
Everyone revolves around you
Baby you dropped the ball
And now the game is through

'Cause you tried to play both sides
You got caught up in your lies
And now you're running
You're running out of time

Take it personal
'Cause I did
When you cheated on me
You may be beautiful
But there's more
That the eye can see
You're so predictable
The way you calculate each move
Heads I win
Tails you lose
Because you don't have
The right to choose

How could you think that
You could do me like that?
Running behind my back
How could you do me like that?
Now the game is over,
How could you think that you could do me like that?
And now you want me back
How could you do me like that?
Now the game is over,

You played yourself
But did you, did you think
That you could really find love from someone else
You're making moves,
You're gonna lose, you know
You played yourself
And now you're thinkin', thinkin' you can get one by me
But you'll never win, but you'll never win
Try again,
'cause the game is over...