I know wut i must do...

2day...a bitter sweet day...let's talk about the sweet part 1st...i woke up,as usual wondering why my heart is so empty...went to skool...went to see Pn Jerina(i got to skip English class! yay!)...finally,i was able to question myself and her the real questions...the one i couldnt find myself...then i thought that she'll just give me the same answers as syaheela does...i've got to find myself...well,at 1st,she sounded like that...but,i asked some other question that's related to the topic of course..then,suprisingly! i've got the answer! why my heart has been so hollow...i once wrote in one of my recent blogs that i felt some kind of feeling when my little/big sister brought me to her flat...i know now why i felt that...someday,i'll go to 'that' place again...i felt relieve when pn jerina had given me the answers that finally i wanted to hear...now,for the bitter part...the part efi has to part her way from me and the others..it was a sad moment but we didnt waste it...we made a hell lot of fun from it...it's a moment that i'll remember for a long time...till we meet again efi! i've found the answers that i needed...now,i know wut i must do...but,i cant possibly do it in my condition...im still to young...but i promise,when im old enough,i'll fullfill it...that's a promise 4 the future...as 4 the present...there's still some minor problems that i need to deal with my fren..."im lookin back on things i've done...i was trying to be someone...i never want to play the same old part or keep u in the dark...now let me show u the shape of my heart"


*meaning,shape of my heart : the real me
=D

Gud luck!

Epi! sedihnya aku! x sangka ko akan gi meninggalkan kte! aku pkir kte akan graduate sama2...nampaknya,sini la kte gi our seperate ways huh? huhu...apa yg aku boleh kata,walaupon ko mcm fed up ngan aku(sape x?)...tapi ko x pernah give up menolong aku...salah aku gak sebab x pernah dengar nasihat ko...aku dengar,tapi ko fhm2 la...aku dah cte tadi kan...hati aku kosong...but,aku dah dpt jwpn nape...ble aku dah mula berubah,ko nak gi...eh..memang nasib aku...dulu pon aku pkir aku nak akmal tengok aku membesar...menjadi makin matang...perhatikan aku dari belakang..tapi..x leh sbb dia kena pindah...ko pon aku nak mcm tu..tapi,ko gak kena pindah...walaupon kte baru berkwn selama 1 tahun,5 bulan...but ko dah pon menjadi sebahagian drpd diri aku...ko pindah,rasa lain nanti...but someday we will meet again...i just have to cling to that hope just like i did to akmal...last year,ko ada kata salah sorg drpd kwn aku selain wafa mungkin mempergunakan aku...skrng,aku mula percaya ko...tapi,itu aku selesaikan kemudian...aku akan rindu ko pi! sebagai kakak of course...faisal pernah kata cara aku bersosial terlalu jiwang,tapi ini la diri aku! ko terima aku tol x efi? syaheela? jadi,sape kat luar sana yg meluat tengok cara aku berckp 'jiwang' sngt,aku x kisah! ini diriku! kalau aku x jiwang,aku kosong...ini yg buatkan diri aku! dan efi,ko pernah kata aku je yg x nak jadi kuat...bukan aku x nak,aku just accept diri aku ni...aku lembut,aku x kisah coz akmal,jega,nurul,pai,dyana dan lain2 terima aku cmni...some ada kata,aku best fren diorg,tapi cuma beberapa je yg betol2 maksudkan...betol x jega? haha! sedut! so,efi...dlm kata lain...ko main peranan yg besar dlm membantu aku untuk mencari ketenangan...aku x leh ckp ko tlng cari diriku yg sebenar coz,mungkin dlm 10 tahun,masa tu lah betol2 diri aku yg sebenar...aku belum cukup matang...sape2 pon x...sape yg mengaku dia dah matang,bagi aku lempang sket! haha! joking2...even org tua pon xde yg matang lagi...ko bnyk bagi aku advice...aku ada guna...kdng2...tapi kdng2 aku sendiri lupa advice ko apa...haha! sori ye efi,syaheela...aku memang dah tua sket! kakaka! setakat ni je la aku leh tulis coz kebanyakkannya aku dah tulis dlm buku ko..."when i arrive at where u r,we may not appear 2 be as we were..but we'll make another promise 2 keep" hehe! KEEP MOVING FORWARD and GO THE DISTANCE!!! Keep in touch ye!

Memories...

i had it...i've given up to letting my frens understand me...i cant even understand myself...that's not the point...some people,i've examine,they hold really close to some of the precious moments in their lives...some people,just dun care and let them go,and move on...me,on the other hand,i've move on...i've learn to accept my grandmother's death,the lost of my frens,the lost of my heaven...i've move on...but the memories...i kept on having flashbacks about my past...something will eventually trigger my brain to have those flashbacks...something like,a some kind of smell...a wind...something that could remind me of tha past...the past : the memories that somehow i've lost...those times...at those times,the feelings...it's different from now...those feelings...i've lost it too...now,my heart is hollow...nothing except for the residual darkness...i keep asking myself everyday...why does my heart feel so empty? what's missing? what should i find? some people said that maybe i just think too much...i should just be happy...but when i join up the group with the other guys,i make laughs..i make jokes...but,my heart still feels empty...now,i know,this is not my mind tricking me like my other problems...wut i know 4 sure...that something that im missing...it has got to do something with my memories...somewhere in my past,it holds the answer...it's weird how memories can be remembered by just something that holds very familiar that connected to those memories...now,i know,this time,i need to find this answer alone..."sometimes our most precious memories lies so deep in our hearts that their out of reach"...a quote that i got from KH:RECOM..probably it's true...my memories are scattered..just like the title of my page...proabably,im just stupid...probaby,the answer is not from my memories...sometimes i think that,my past was pretty exciting bcoz of something that probably i couldnt get now...maybe,i should create a new something...but,where do i start? wut do i have to search?

Vanished...

I'm reaching, I'm reaching for the love I lost tonight
And I don't know why
You're right here, you're right here but you seem so out of sight
It's messing with my mind
You used to freak with me
You once believed in me
But now I'm incomplete
Thought we were meant to be

I'm wondering, something that you said would never die
Has lost it's life
It's frightening, thinking how I opened up to you
Until it's coming to
We were the best of friends
That's why this pain won't end
And this is killing me
Thought we were meant to be

You're mistake of magician with a wand
Now you're missing
Where'd you go? Where'd you go? Where'd you go?
Wish I could bring us back
Just who could picture it
But it's too late for that

Where did you go?
Where did you go?
Where did you go?
You vanished...

The Rain...

Looking through the mirror of my life
Thinking of the times when things were right
Is anybody there to hear my cry in lonely nights
I need someone to make the darkness turn to light

Feeling like a child that lost its way
Nothing I can do to come back home
Sometimes I lay in bed and pray to god to make it end
But that won't change until I see your smile again

Seasons come and change
The memories remain
Tell me why you left me stranded in the rain...
I got lonely without ya
Everyday I'll be thinking about ya

And I know I'll never see your face again
Why did god take away a perfect friend
I'm broken and flyin' without wings
Damn I need you here now
What I'd give to bring you back into my life
Since you gone I can't seem to make it right
I'm broken and flyin' without wings...

=D happy2! gle la aku ni! haha! positive2!

feeling so happy! everyone understands me! i love them all! crazy deep inside! hahaha!