19 Years Old

Wow...I'm 19 already...and next year I'm going to be 20! Shoot...I feel so old...looking back I haven't really change this last few years...not emotionally...but some say that I think differently now...is it because of the break up? Not really sure...but probably it played some part to it...I read back a few messages that I've saved last year...

Reading it back, I sounded so childish...shoot...then I went and read some of the comments that I posted on some of my friends' photos...the same...and it was just last year! How could I've been like that? No wonder people always picked on me...but looking back, I've always felt different...people always looked at me differently anyway...it's so irratating...I've made so many mistakes in just one year...and in just one year, I lost 3 friends...or maybe more but my record still stands though...but could I really called them my 'friends'? I thought friends are the ones who will do anything but hurt you...and they won't let small matters tear them apart...sometimes I really do wonder is it only me that cherished every bond I've made and other's just don't care about it...why is it that the people who fought with me are always the respected ones and have many friends and me, well, people always dislike me...for years I've watched by the side lines...have I really change in some ways? Or it's just that my heart has turn cold...I thought I left all this drama in High School...looks like it followed me...could I really be the same guy who my old friends respected? Is he really still inside of me somewhere...sometimes I really do think that I've become a monster...is it by getting older, I'll become more heartless?