there's a saying i found a year ago..."to live without a purpose is the same as being dead.."...i dun know...it's juz getting worse and worse...it's hard enough dealing with the fact that one of the person u trusted the most,lied to u...and even change...it's ok if it is 4 the better...but this...i dun know...can i judge? coz even i've change...people change...as nat says...that's true...im kinda dissapointed..i never expect to have a fren like this...fine...if u're in love...i can deal with it...if u want to put ur love one more than ur frens...that's fine 2...but plz...dun overdo it...it's been years...all those years...i didnt trust u...and when i try too...u broke that trust...i still have the others though...but still...u were one of the person i can talk childish-like...well...pirol is childish but he still more mature than me...but the others..i still feel like im not good enough 4 them...i keep saying to those people..."get the hell out of my sight..." or "i rather be alone than to become like u guys.."...but really...deep inside...im juz looking 4 a fren...i know i've got lots of them...i dun know...am i juz not grateful? everyday...i try to do the best that i could to talk to them...i would be lying if i said it is easy as pie...
even today...we had tadarus al quran...as usual...im shaking to my bones...i was searching 4 shafeeq..but he came late..i cant make uztaz wait..he was getting impatient...i saw a few of them...juz reading like it was nothing...and their happy too...probably im in the wrong side...even though some of them r not that hard working...they still can read the quran...probably that's wut makes their hearts so cool and steady...unlike mine...im hard working in my studies but not in the quran...i dun have the right to judge...probably im juz jelez that they'r so happy...probably...i rather be alone than to think that im juz an annoyance to them...
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