I miss you...

Ehm...4 years has it been? ehm...doing my oral test last monday kinda brings back the memories...i was really nervous but a few frens gave me support...i really thankful...i thought i wanted to give a message but i was 2 nervous until i forgot bout it...damn..."u'll never know how precious someone is until u lose that someone"...ehm...my frend did her oral today...it was really suprising that she got 18..i mean,she did really gud...if i were to judge,i would have given her at least 25...but i saw her eyes watered when it was over...dun worry la...u did really gud! i was proud of u...atleast u were better than me...today was also my other fren's birthday...she made a party and as usual...i wasnt invited...i would be lying if i say that im fine...but,wut can i do? i was never enough 4 anybody...i never had the looks or the 'coolness' like my frens that were invited..naim wanted me to join but from his face i knew that he knew the bday girl wouldnt approve...my closet frens were invited...and it really hurts to be left out...my fren whom followed me to McD,suggested throw some rocks or we can go to party,say hi and snatch the piza and run...well,he was kinda mad too...wut can we do? i tried to think positive but wut can i make this,wut i see,wut i feel,to be a positive thing? but i keep on living...sometimes,i just ask myself,"wut do i live 4?"...well...like i said in my oral test,i wasnt the same anymore...i miss u so much...since u died,nothing was ever the same...the pic above was taken on my last Raya day...the year of 2004...it happens so fast...so much problems...but so little answers...will this heart ever heals? who can heal it? im so scared...is somebody out there that can lend a hand? i wonder...i used to be so strong...now,i dun know anymore...im angrier than ever...but i dun know why...wait...i do know...im angry at myself...coz im confuse...i dun wut's rite or wrong anymore...damn i just wish i can throw away this pain...

"You used to call me your angel
Said I was sent straight down from heaven
You'd hold me close in your arms

I loved the way you felt so strong
I never wanted you to leave
I wanted you to stay here holding me

You used to call me your dreamer
And now I'm living out my dream
Oh how I wish you could see
Everything that's happening for me
I'm thinking back on the past
It's true that time is flying by too fast

I know you're in a better place,
But I wish that I could see your face,
I know you're where you need to be
Even though it's not here with me

I miss you
I miss your smile
And I still shed a tear
Every once in a while
And even though it's different now
You're still here somehow
My heart won't let you go
And I need you to know
I miss you..."