A Familiar Feeling 2...

Again...i had this some kind of feeling inside of me that is very familiar since this few days...im not sure i had those feelings because the meds i've been taking or is it just this few moments...what i know,i had those fuzzy feelings when i was a kid...somewhere in high school i lost it...i want to find it back...

i dont know how...but when i get a clue,i'll just pursue it...like today...that feeling was getting stronger...and when i think about bangsar,it just get stronger...so,right after class,i took the bus and went straight to bangsar...

i saw a few juniors at the lrt station...then at mcd...miss them...then i went to see my little sis...missed her so much...but too bad i cant spend more time with her...somewhere at 5,i went home and get to bed at 8...so tired...

but when i get back...i feel nothing...im not sure if im just satisfied or what...what was it?

When i was about to leave bangsar,i had this strong feeling that i dont want to leaave yet...i was about to cry...

Love's To Blame

Time and time I've thought through it all
How we loved and loved and how we fought each other
Pushing one another to be somebody else?
And time and time I've wrestled my thoughts
Not certain if the end was right or wrong and whether
We still should be together or with somebody else

Our last memory she had water in her eyes
She cried "Stay with me"
Asked "How can this be love if you are leaving me"
But darling love's to blame

And I can't see you right now
'cause my heart just can't take it
Can't be with you right now
'cause I know you're no longer mine
I can't see you right now
'cause my heart just can't fake it

It makes me ache that we had to break
That even though I knew your heart so well
We're strangers in different places though we live a mile apart
My best friend's gone my world has been torn
We'll never share a name never be one
But I will always remember the years we spent in love
I still think of you
I pray that you are safe I'm still missing you
It has to be this way 'cause I'm not right for you
And that's why love's to blame

Maybe time will heal your heart
And maybe after time you'll understand
I said goodbye 'cause I love you

September

How the time passed away? All the trouble that we gave

And all those days we spent out by the lake

Has it all gone to waste? All the promises we made

One by one they vanish just the same

Now it all seems so clear, there's nothing left to fear

So we made our way by finding what was real

Now the days are so long that summer's moving on

We reach for something that's already gone

We knew we had to leave this town

But we never knew when and we never knew how

We would end up here the way we are

Yeah we knew we had to leave this town

But we never knew when and we never knew how

Of all the things I still remember

Summer's never looked the same

The years go by and time just seems to fly

But the memories remain

In the middle of September we'd still play out in the rain

Nothing to lose but everything to gain

Reflecting now on how things could've been

It was worth it in the end

Get It Right

What have I done? I wish I could run.
Away from this ship going under
Just trying to help, hurt everyone else
Now I feel the weight of the world is
On my shoulders

What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right

Can I start again with my faith shaken?
'Cause I can't go back and undo this
I just have to stay and face my mistakes
But if I get stronger and wiser
I'll get through this

So I throw up my fist
Throw a punch in the air
And accept the truth, that sometimes life isn't fair
I'll send down a wish
I'll send up a prayer
And finally, someone will see
How much I care

Im sick of it...everything that i tried so hard to get,it just falls apart in the end...like everything i did was for nothing...how many times will it be like this...

More Than Friends...

Since a few months ago,i realise that i get angry very easily compared to a few years back...or is it im always like this? i seriously got anger issues...i have planned to go to a anger management therapy after i've finished my studies...i just hope i could hold on until then...My uztazah this year is very kind...i can see that she's been through some hardship...but what im amaze is that she still so nice.kind and sweet...i've met people who are older,same age or younger than me that has those characteristics...and i just hope,when i do want to find a girl,i hope i'll end up with that kind...still intact with one's self eventhough much has happened...unlike me,everything bad that happens,i just get angry...

I dont know why im angry sometimes...but sometimes i just think it's because of i feel like im incomplete...when i think back,when i went to see diyanah last saturday,i didn't feel that way...maybe i just need to be around people who i care about and care about me?

i watch a japanese series titled pirate sentai gokaiger yesterday...one episode was about a student lost his sensei to a group of villains because his sensei helps him to escape...when he realise that he lost his teacher,he also realise that he made a promise to one of his friends that he has his back...and he has friends...where he can go home to anytime...i realise that i too have friends...have my family...that i truly care about...and they care about me too...i trust them with my life...with my heart...along the way to finding them,i lost some people...i lose their trust or they lose mine...i dont know...i will always feel lonely but i will never be alone ey guys?

A week back,i watch the movie Lemonade Mouth...the songs really made a tear flow because it reminds me of the memories we spent together...here is my fav...

I can't pretend

To know how you feel

But know that I'm here

Know that I'm real

Say what you want

Or don't talk at all

I'm not gonna let you fall

Reach for my hand

'Cause it's held out for you

My shoulders are small

But you can cry on them too

Everything changes

But one thing is true

Understand

We'll always be more than a band

You used to brave the world

All on your own

Now we won't let you go, go it alone

Be who you wanna be

Always stand tall

Not gonna let you fall

I never knew you could take me so far

I've always wanted to hope that you are the ones I need

Raya...

Damn it...the feelings are back again...last year i had syairah to hold back the feeling around this time last year...this year...i can't expect it from anyone else...bak kata melissa...what am i supposed to then?

Every year it's the same old thing..i miss my grandma...i miss the old house we use to live in...my kg...the smell of the wooden building...the sound of the wooden door...every year,everytime we got there she'll be there...waiting for us...with that warm loving smile...and at that time,my granddad can still move...he can still pray...he can still talk to us...every raya i would bring back my power rangers cd to watch when all of my cousins are away...being the only son is hard even when i was a kid...i would play around with my cousins at the door...goofing off...playing power rangers...i watch power rangers there...i could still remember that it shows around 7.30 at night..after azan maghrib...Every morning i would see she will talk with my mum...in front of the tv...they will always open tv1,tv2,or tv3...unlike me who always open astro channels...

Everytime i open the tv,she would always told me to watch shows other than cartoons...funny...until now,i still watch cartoons...she once stayed at my house..she stayed in my room...everytime i play games,she would only look at me and asked me if i have study...i still remember there was once,i had a feeling something bad was going to happen...the next day,turns out she wont let me go to school...my mum said that my grandma said if a child has that kind of feeling,it's better to listen...at that year,i got to play the game Chrono Cross...then comes raya 04...we had to take a picture as a family...it's a good thing we did...coz i never thought that would be our last raya..that raya was also the most quiet raya...

Now,everytime i hear a chrono cross song....i'll think of her...i'll think of the raya we spent together..sometimes,in the morning,when itt is in the right conditions,i'll think of her too...every raya i'll think of her...every raya,there will be this kind of feeling..im not sure what...is it the feeling of lost? where are you nur syairah norayeen....

Tempat lain,perasaan sama...

Hah...beberapa minggu ni amat meletihkan...tak sure either sebab kakak aku dah takde...atau memang letih sebab kerja asyik bertambah...hari ni boleh relaks sikit...cuti raya mula esok...cuti raya!

Kawan-kawan sekelasku dah mula plan nak keluar masa cuti...seperti biasa,aku tak diajak...biasa la kan...the one who is quiet selalu will be the one to be left behind...letih la macam ni...dulu kat sekolah...sekarang kat sini...maybe nasib aku memang selalu akan jadi macam ni...sebanyak mana aku nak jadi seperti mamat2 dalam kelas yang pandai buat lawak,aku tak boleh...itu bukan diri aku? aku pun tak tahu...kawan2 sekolah pulak,bila aku ajak datang rumah marah...aku ajak marah...tak ajak marah...make up your mind please...itu pun aku dah cukup baik nak ajak orang macam kau yag selalu ketepikan aku sepanjang zaman sekolah...

Memilih pulak...buat tension je...dah la kau pun tak pernah ajak aku keluar...ajak yang popular2 je...kononnya la berlagak otak macam matang sangat...lelaki...perempuan...sama je...letih la macam ni...rasa macam masa form 3 balik...but time sekolah ada juga beberapa orang yang aku boleh percaya untuk bergantung...dalam kelas aku sekarang,nampaknya tiada...aku masih ada kawan2 lama...aku tahu...tetapi susah nak contact sebab takut ganggu...nampaknya perasaan ni datang balik...