The Rain...

Looking through the mirror of my life
Thinking of the times when things were right
Is anybody there to hear my cry in lonely nights
I need someone to make the darkness turn to light

Feeling like a child that lost its way
Nothing I can do to come back home
Sometimes I lay in bed and pray to god to make it end
But that won't change until I see your smile again

Seasons come and change
The memories remain
Tell me why you left me stranded in the rain...
I got lonely without ya
Everyday I'll be thinking about ya

And I know I'll never see your face again
Why did god take away a perfect friend
I'm broken and flyin' without wings
Damn I need you here now
What I'd give to bring you back into my life
Since you gone I can't seem to make it right
I'm broken and flyin' without wings...

=D happy2! gle la aku ni! haha! positive2!

feeling so happy! everyone understands me! i love them all! crazy deep inside! hahaha!

what if...

Maybe this was meant to be,
Maybe now it should be me,
Been dreaming of this forever,
But I'm feeling so confused,
Yeah, It's hard to see who's right,
Is it you or I,
And I don't know what to do,

Things will never be the same,
maybe thats the price of fame,
Been waiting for this forever,
It's close enough for me to touch,
But if I don't go for it,
I might always regret,
But is it worth us breaking up,

We'll stay together always thats the promise we made,
But suddenly it's not so clear,
And I'm being pulled both ways,
And it's ripping my heart,
tearing me apart,
It's impossible to choose,
What if I don't try,
What if I do,
Everything that I've dreamed right in front of me,
If I win what would I loose?
How learn to live wondering what if?

What if I would have tried,
I could shine even fly
I don't want to realize
after its too late
and see it all pass
Me by,
If I could,
if I don't, w
ill I ever really know,
what the future could hold,
before it slips away
Could be the chance of a lifetime...

2 choices...

damn it...im so confuse...i've got to choose between 2 choices...1 : move to another skool and restart a new life or 2: stay and wait...ehm...wutever my choice will be,i'll still write about my my frens who have been with me through this several months....



ShamshiaSharlina...
U r one of my closest frens that i hold really tight in my heart...besides akmal,u too has given me strength to get 8A's...for that,i thank u...i didnt just gave me strength,u also gave me a goal and hope...a goal to beat u! and hope that im strong just the way i am...i've always wanted to beat u...at least on our monthly exam,i've beaten u at both of the math subjects...hehehe! but since this year,things hasnt been really gud 4 me...i often got jealous when u were with somebody else(that occasionally happen when im really fond with someone either boy or girl)...sometimes i cant even control myself and i'll get angry 4 no reason...and possibly hurt u...maybe im just hot tempered...im still trying to control myself...but i cant seem to manage...sometimes,it seems like im avoiding u..yeah,it's true..sometimes i did try to avoid u...but it just bcoz i dun want to get jelez or angry...now,i realize that i thougt was trying to be strong,but really,im just running away from my feelings..seeing u with ur family 2gether...jus full of happy and love...it reminded of how i feel about my family and how i feel about u when i 1st met u...i dun want wut had happen between me and wafa happen between me and u...i care to much about u until that i cant let history repeat itself...u said that u dun deserve that i hold u so high up in my heart...trust me,after wut u've said 2day...u do deserve it...believe it! u didnt disssapoint me,i dissapoint u...i keep doubting u bcoz i dun want history to repeat itself...1 more thing,u taught me alot of things...especially wut u've taught me 2day : loving someone who has already loved u...i really appreciate ur message bout supporting me all the way...it means alot...and about u come clean with me...that was just all that i wanted...u r a sister anybody could've hope for...thank u my little baby sister! haha! =D


Melissa...
My fun,loving,hyperactive,knucklehead little/big sister...
u understood me well...u understood urself pretty well too...thx for our little walk on the 25th...it was just a walk but still,for me,it was special...coz,u taught me alot of things...wut im really thankful is u brought me to ur flat...yeah,probably through everybody's else eyes,it's normal...but for me,when seeing ur flat,it somehow made me feel happy...it open my eyes...i mean,seeing that even without not so much money,u could live happily...i saw kids running..i saw old women gossiping...it has been a long time since i felt that way...it has been almost 4 years since i felt that kind of excitement...it made me felt wut the people who live there felt...just living life..without any worries...hakuna matata! haha! thx 4 the book and shirt...it means alot that u thought bout me when buying that book...it really does...eventhough i was always quiet,but u never stop talking to me...u kept on bringing on topics...that is what makes me so honored to be ur fren...that's why i care so much about u... =D


Faisal!
My only one uztaz/jambu/brother!We've always been helping each other huh? U helped me,i helped u...besides those two(melissa,sham),u r one of the ones i appreciate the most..u gave me tips...sometimes even hope...i dont know how to say it...but for me,u r special...i mean...in my eyes...u seem bright than any other guy frens i've met...like akmal of course...TQ! =D



Syaheela!
ko bynk bagi aku bantuan...itu yg aku berharap drpd sorg kwn...walaupon aku ni menjengkelkan,ko tetap dtng balik dan 'hulurkan' tangan ko kembali...itu la semangat yg aku suka dlm sorg kwn...semangat x putus asa...walaupon ko x pernah cte latar belakang ko,aku pastu suatu hari nanti,ble kte dah jadi lagi rpt,ko akan mula buka dan cte latar belakang ko...thx 4 the shirt though! hehe! perfect size!

i love u guys till the end of the earth...i wont forget ur deeds...someday,i'll be sure to repay u guys back...somehow...
now to make my decision...either leave my new frens,meet my old frens,my home,moved on,and rechain the memories that i've unchain for 4 years OR stay with my new frens that i've learned to loved,gain new memories,learn to be more patient and walk with them through destiny path? either leave and become a whole different person OR stay,be patient,and stay the way i am? damn it...time is running out...the choice that i'll make...i better not regret it once i did make the decision...

Mohd. Akmal Yahaya..

Mohd. Akmal Yahaya...

I knew this day would come....the day we go our separate ways...to meet our destiny...i won't forget u...i won't forget the memories we've shared 2gether...once,efi told me that u & Naim making fun of me is just another way of them to make fun of me...but,ok i admit,maybe sometimes u guys make fun of me...but sometimes,u r just teaching me on how to become more stronger...without u,i couldn't have never come this far...i couldn't have got 8A's...last year,when everybody was too busy with their PMR,u're one of the people who gave me strength to succeed...let me reminiscent...we become frens when we were in f2...u ask me to help u with the history folio...i think u ask me to do 2 folios...as i recall...i didn't want to do it at 1st but at that time,something tells me that i should help u...so,i did...and since that,we became frens...we moved on to f3...i still can't forget that 1 day,u ask me to accompany u to the toilet..u had a stomach ache...but the weird thing is,i had stomach ache too...so,we both went to the toilet...then,u applied 4 pengawas...we didnt saw each other much since then until u were given a 2 months off because of the PMR....sometimes u listen to my problems...even though u only listen and gave advice sometime but still ur advices r still stuck to my head...then,it was the PMR...as i said before,u r one of the reasons i was SOOO determine to get 8A's...u were a fren to me...u were like a brother to me...u may not saw it,but inside i was determine to beat u...u were one of my idols...u were always one step ahead...in my head,u r like sasuke to naruto as in u to me...naruto's goal was always to beat sasuke...and my goal was always to beat u...not as an enemy but as a brother...i know,i can't stop u from reaching ur dream...it's ur life...i dun have the rights to stop u...u may have teased me all this time but still,it's better than stabbing me in the back...it's better than not being notice at all...everytime i was around u,u never fail to crack me up...u teased me bcoz u notice me...eventhough i was SO quiet...not like most other people...who didnt even care i was around or not...who didnt even say helo to me eventhough i was next to them...u called me gay bcoz i was too soft..i admit,i am soft...but im NOT gay...u called me gay bcoz i was different...u saw that...that's why i respect u bro,from the bottom of my heart...u have thought me that life isnt a playground...u were rite...now that u r leaving,i have no guy friend to fight with...we were always competing who were more 'macho'...of course u would win...i just never gave up coz i want to surpass u...but now,i will feel more alone than normal...dun care bout me...im not important...anyway,i just want to ask u just one favor,dun ever change...even if change physically,dun ever change ur heart...always be true to urself...that's all for now...until we meet again,i'll give u ur present...it is so unfortunate that we cant see each other 4 the last time...but i'll keep ur present safe until i see u again...Gud luck on ur road to destiny! Keep in touch! Thx 4 everything! I appreciate it! Thx 4 teaching me Iqraq,even if it was only 4 awhile! Bye bro! =D


P.S. This is not a gay blog! Im straight! Fully! Im just soft!

As the days go...

Syamil's gone...i feel a little bit empty....a little bit alone....now i understand....efi,it's not that im not 'bersyukur' but,yes,i agree...i have many frens....but no one actually knows wut's inside my heart....no one actually understands me....once,i tried letting this one particular person(OPP) in my heart...in other words,i told that OPP wut i've felt all this years,my actual problems...where my problems originally came from..and even my deepest darkest secret : my family's....but one day,i heard from a fren that,that OPP said that she was bored with me keep talking bout my problems...i was totally shocked....i trully trusted that OPP until i even told her my darkest secret and after i took all of my guts to tell her,all she can say was "im bored"?......ehmm....looks like i was mistaken to trust that OPP by opening my heart....i closed it back...i was a fool...wut i c now,i cant trust no one ever again with my heart...i will never find the key to the lock of my heart...im afraid to trust anyone ever again...that's why,from that particular day,ive put on a mask....never again reveal my problems except 4 1 person : faisal....but he too i am afraid sometimes to open my heart...but with him,i can feel that i can take step by step....wut i think that OPP was too spoiled by that OPP's family...so,that OPP doesnt learn to understand others..but that OPP wasnt the only one...from my eyes,everyone seems like that..why do we have to wear masks? why does our ego are so high? why cant we just show/share our feelings? probably im the only one who thinks this way...i hate wearing a mask...but if it keeps that OPP happy,then,i have no choice.....if it makes others happy,i have no choice...as the days goes by,i just wish i could at least tell it to someone...but i cant....i doubt anyone cares...i can be happy...by wearing a mask? ehm...i may fool the world,but i cant fool my heart...day by day,it's just get worse and worse...i dun know when i'll blow up.....probably soon....akmal's going to another school....damn...