Overboard...

It feels like we’ve been out at sea
So back and forth that’s how its seems
And when I want to talk
You say to me
That if its meant to be, it will be
So crazy in this thing we call love
Now that i've got it that i just cant give up
I’m reaching out for you
Get me out of here in the water and

I’m overboard and I need your love
Pull me up
I cant swim on my own
It's to much
Feels like I’m drowning without your love
So throw yourself out to me
My life saver

Never understood you when you say
Wanting me to meet you half way,
Felt like I was doing my part
You kept thinking u were coming up short
It's funny how these thing change
Cause now I see

It’s supposed to be some give and take I know
Bu your only taking and not givin' any more
So what will I do?
Cause I still love you
You’re the only one who can save me...

Rules or frens?

A few weeks ago..i watched the new naruto movie...its about naruto's teacher wants to sacrifice his life to save his village...even his leader,the hokage told his teacher,kakashi,to do so...when naruto heard bout this,he went after his teacher to stop him...everyone in the village,even his comrades tried to stop naruto from trying to stop kakashi's action...his frens keeps on saying,"it is the hokage's order not to interfere" or "it is the rule to obey the hokage's orders"...naruto didnt stop...he keeps on going to save his teacher...he didnt want his teacher to be a sacrifce...he said,"i cant weight any of my frens life on a scale"...and finally...when he finally saved his teacher...he said to his teacher..."how can i let you die?"...and the most touching sentence...he said to his teacher.."remember this bells? that day u taught us...'Those who break the rules are scum,that's true...but those who abandon their friends are worse than scum...' "

Since this few days...things happen...a lot have to dealt with...frens backstabbing each other...shouting from here to there...frens fighting with each other....it's heartbreaking...oh...and also frens doesnt protect each other...do we call that kind of action as our 'frens'? damn it...fine...i admit it...wut we've done was wrong...but we didnt do it 4 fun...we did have a gud reason...but that doesnt mean we can blame each other when we got scolded...shouldnt we juz keep quiet and protect each other when we got scolded and learn from our mistakes to be better in the future? it's a gud thing we only have a few weeks left....it's also sad watching frens fight with each other...one being jelez...while the other was being stubborn...in another case...one doenst feel easy...while one juz trying to do the best...haish...then,when one doesnt feel easy,they juz backstabbed each other...cant we juz try to undertand each other? we r frens...that's wut sad...im gonna make this rite...i wont abandon my frens...that's for sure!

Kem PPS

fuh...memang letih...mengantuk gle ni....rasa mls lak nk dtg skolah tapi klu x dtg,bnyk miss nanti...aduhai...pergi je la...hah...start kem 2 hari lepas...aku dtg dngn beg besar satu..smua tanya asal aku bawa beg mcm nak balik kg(bak kata naim)...aku bawa bnyk baju...tu je...aku kuat peluh sket...fhm ye smua? haha...dtg2 skolah cuaca redup je..hujan sket...x ikot sngt plan....dtg kul 3.30...tapi start aktiviti smua dlm kul 5.30...aku jadi imam 1st...aduh..memang cuak...takot suara x cukup kuat...main taram je la...pastu mirza kata aku jadi imam ok gak...so,aku pon pkir..."ok la tu"...bukan nk perfect pon...ada snek sket...biskut ngan teh...aku nk duk sorg...rasa smcm je...mai adira asyik panggil aku tok duk sebelah dia...aku tolak tawaran dia pada awalnya...tapi kali ketiga dia minta,dia kata,"jgn la duk sorg2...meh,gle2 ngan kteorg"...aku pon,"ok ar"...duk mkn ngan diorg jap..mlm tu,lepas smbhyg maghrib,ada bacaan yasin dan terus smbhyg isyak...then,ada ice breaking...celina buat game...group aku langsung x dpt teka apa2...aduhai...haha...oh,dan aku memang nk ucap sori sngt kat sorg ni! aku x sengaja! sori sngt...perasaan bersalah tu memang x hilang la sampai tdo..aduh...memang sengsara mlm tu...tbe2 lak kaki kana sakit sngt! ntah nape tbe2....masuk tdo...tapi x leh sngt..pirol semua buat bising(mcm biasa)...haha...xde la buat bising but buat lawak la...aku nk tdo pon asyik tergelak...tapi ble nk tdo pon,xleh sngt...kaki sakit sngt...rasa mcm dr house lak...aku asyik terbangun ar...pirol semua pelik,tanya aku nape terbangun...aku kata la,sakit kaki....then,sambung tdo...junior aku,yg tdo sebelah,buat lawak lak...pirol ar..."jom main golf"...hahaha! kesian dia pirol! akhirnya dlm kul 3 lebih,boleh la tdo...bangun pagi,smbhyg subuh,ada senaman...kaki sakit lg...ingat nk skip...tapi aku cuba je dulu...ble exercise,kaki dh x sakit...pelik la pula...mandi2,tengok2 aku ada kembar kat tapak..kembar laksamana...hahah! ada pertandingan buat mknan lak...yes,memang best...group aku x bawa apa2...aku ingat dh plan dh smua..biar la...aku x tahu nk buat apa,aku pakai bantai je guna apa2 yg ada...akhirnya dpt sesua2...at least x kalah..tu je aku pkir...then,kena gi library,ada pertandingan mcm2...sape cpat susun buku,sape cpat key-in buku...aku ni memang jenis slambe sket klu benda2 cmni...aku pon kata kat gang aku,"kte relak je la....take it slow(ayat fav aku)"...klu ada org perasan,waktu tu memang aku mcm slow and blurr gle2....haha....ble sham tanya soalan2 tu,aku nk jwb gak...tapi aku tgh susun buku...so,aku pkir,x yah la...fine,mayb some people kata aku takot je...slalu guna ayat poyo,"bg peluang kat org lain"...yes,aku mengaku...aku takot sket...tapi waktu tu pon otak aku ada mcm2...kan dh kata rasa smcm...ble nk tdo mlm jumaat tu pon,x leh...habis semua tu...gi mkn..nasi ngan ayam kari...xde mood sngt nk mkn...jadi,mkn sket je...memang aku nmpk mcm mkn smua sbb lama gle aku mkn...tapi aku mkn separuh je...aku bnyk pkir waktu tu...tu aku duk sorg tu...gi library jap,tlg mai...then,kte buat rehearsal tok mlm kebudayaan...akhirnya,dpt gak nyanyi sama2...dh abis rehearse,boleh main sukan tapi hujan...aku balik ke blik nk tdo...pirol smua gi main la sport...nmpk mul sdap je tdo...maklum la..cuaca sejuk...aku tdo kejap je..dlm 30 minit je kot...bangun2...memang rasa smcm je lg terok...aku kluar dari bilik...ingat nk gi tengok pirol smua main basket..ingat leh la cheer up sket..sampai kat kantin...tmbh terok...memang kelakar tengok dia main..apatah lg naim ada..haha...dlm beberapa minit duk kat court...memang xleh tahan dh waktu tu...aku lari dari situ...terserempak ngan nat lak..aku elak dari biar dia nmpk muka aku...jln gi kat tepi padang...memang dh x tahu nk buat apa waktu tu...x tahan sngt...nk ckp ngan sape la waktu tu...memang serabut...asyik terpkir kata2 mel...lg x leh tahan..abg iskandar dtg...dia memang baik ngan aku...bg bnyk advice...dia tanya nape ngan aku...aku x dpt jwb...aku kata xde apa...tapi dia nmpk gak...thx sngt2 kepada kwn aku ni yg berada bersama aku waktu tu...thx kpada ko,aku tenang sket..habis practice,smbhyg,mandi...dan akhirnya..jeng3...show time!

(aksi gle)

pe...memang malu gle...but,syukur alhamdullillah...aku dpt buat...group dana la best...memang pandai berlakon dan penggunaan lagu yg sesuai...ble group wafa,dia kata dia dedicate lagu dia kpada seseorg..ehm...klu aku tahu leh buat cmtu,aku pon nk kata aku nk dedicate lagu kpada someone..aiya...xpela...then main OBH..kelakar la ko suben...ko x pandai tipu la...klu kte kat luar skolah,xkan ada lantai simen kot...lg2,boleh dngr suara 'hantu' tu...but ada yg menjadi...mcm lieyana,sham,iman(kot)...tapi x sedar sngt...waktu aku tgh tdo..hahaha...sori ye 'hantu2' ku...then,gi tdo...dpt tdo awal sket...kaki dh x sakit..ok la...akhirnya,final day....bangun gi smbhyg subuh...bak kata uztaz zaki..."2 kerat je yg dtg"...haha...uztaz pon tergelak...dia gi bilik laki kejutkan sendiri...ada senaman sket sblum mkn biskut ngan minum milo...kemas library...mandi...then prepare nk balik...ada meeting jap....memang sedih la waktu tu...aku memang terkejut...mulut ternganga...rasa mcm masa terhenti...aku x sanggup pandang...gaduh2...aku dh penat tengok...dh bnyk kali tengok..sape nk ckp aku lembut,ckp la...but,waktu tu...memang air mata nk kluar...memang sedih tengok kwn2 bergaduh...tapi aku nmpk bukan aku sorg je yg sedih...gi luar jap...aku genggam je tgn kuat...elak dari air mata mengalir...sbb time tu pon nmpk kwn tgh sedih...masuk balik,diorg dh tenang..time tok balik...ambik gmbr jap ngan gang f5..untuk kenangan...

akhirnya balik...fuh...memang letih....tujuan aku gi kem ni bukan je tok spend time ngan kwn2,belajar balik kerja2 pps...tapi tok kenal pasti balik nape aku pilih jadi pps...and mayb aku dh ingat sket nape...thx guys and girls....

Until next time...

Kawan? Bermasalah?

Wut a week....penuh dgn ceramah...pening kepala...pening kepala pkir pasal future...nak masuk kolej/uni mana...nk kerja apa...mula ceramah masa hari selasa...rabu pon ada..memang best...lpas tlg kemas bilik dewan,otw gi meeting st jonh,migrain dtg menyerang...sakit memang sakit...tapi tahan je..sampai kelas,mkn ubat,duduk & rehat...fuh...reda sket...tengok2 farah dh sampai dulu...tegur je la..ble migrain memang mata jadi terok..so x seberapa nmpk...but,dlm meeting tu nmpk ada org lambai..rupanya nabilah f3...dia minta dtg ke dia sbb mai adira panggil...apa lg...gi situ,tegur la...dia antara yg memang aku anggap rpt...ntah nape...then khamis kira ada mcm exhibition fair...bnyk2 kolej dtg...pamerkan apa yg diorg offer...bnyk yg interesting...tapi bnyk juga yg x...yg x tu sbb diorg x offer study ke luar negara...x best ar...org nk study luar....hahaha...jumaat pon ada ceramah...2 pulak tu...haih...sorg kwn aku ni pula demam...bdn agak panas...takot juga jangkit coz nmpk mcm ramai org demam skrg...tapi xkan nk jauhkan diri...x baik ar...lpas ceramah bio medik tu,pening skali lg..but x terok sngt...so tahan je...tapi smakin berlalu masa,makin sakit...jadi,ble sampai kat masjid terus mkn ubat...jln ke masjid sorg2...kebanyakkan tumpang cikgu...sorg demam...sorg buat sambil lewa...x leh paksa tol? kena fhm situasi...so,aku decide tok jln terus...xpela...coz memang ari tu,sjak pagi dh rasa smcm...awan nmpk smcm....pagi tu,aku diam je...ntah la...pelik2....so,jln sorg,pasang lagu...yup,memang sesuai...keadaan tu,perasaan aku,lagu tu...sampai2 masijd,jumpa iqmal! nasir oh nasir! haha...rindu ko! borak2 jap...then masuk jumpa ayah aku mcm biasa...lepas sembahyang...pening sket kepala...nk pkir nk ambik bidang apa,but rehat dulu la..jumpa skali lg kwn2 sblum jumpa ayah aku di Fish & CO. at BV...ingat mak ngan kakak aku ada,tengok2 xde...hampa la juga...aku jenis yg suka mkn ramai2...lg2 ngan yg tersyg dan ble dh jarang buat cmtu...sabtu ada gotong royong kat library...x cukup tdo mlm sabtu tu...so pagi sabtu mcm groggy gak...lg2 coz aku rasa mcm migrain nk dtg...aku jaga energy yg aku exert...sori kpada sesiapa yg terasa pagi tu...aku x sangka berkesan...aku tunggu dan tunggu stiap detik...ble migrain ni nk menyerang...aku dh cuak coz aku x bawa ubat...dh kul 9...xde lg...kul 10...xde gak...ble dh sampai kul 11...memang dh xde la tu...so aku teruskan apa yg aku buat tpi masih berhati-hati la..sorg ni tunjuk something kat bahu dia...aku x nmpk...memang la..aku ble nk sakit,aku memang jaga stiap benda yg aku buat...x stress kan sngt otak supaya energy x kluar bnyk...thus,ada kemungkinan migrain x dtg...so,aku kecikkan mata...x nmpk...so aku tanya apa tu...dia pon pandang tmpat lain..haha...sori ye...akhirnya dia tunjuk brooch yg pernah aku bg dulu...ble dh? hahaha...memang aku makin tua...aku ingat ada dua tpi mcm bergabung...bentuk apa dh? butterfly? arnab? aku nmpk warna hitam je...oh..jap,kucing kembar..satu hitam,satu putih...aku bg masa bday kan? baru ingat...haha...then,belajar naik motor sket..memang best..thx mul,naim and faiz...balut2 buku sblum gi mcd...aku dh 2naikan janji aku ye nat! hohohoh..tbe2 dngar yg nadia masuk hospital...memang sdih ar...ingat nk gi lawat..cuba la call ramai org...qis,pai..mcm2 la...then,tengok2 dia dh kluar hospital...xpela...bunyi ok la tu...ingatkan dpt rehat dlm kul 3 cmtu...tengok2 kakak x abis buat rambut sampai la kul 6...pe..memang aku nk meletup la...but,aku pkir balik..buat rambut ni tok kebaikan dia gak...it's wut she wants...jadi aku sbr and gi mkn mlm ngan family sblum akhirnya balik rumah....balik2...aku terpkir mcm2...terutama pasal apa yg wafa kata kat aku lpas aku abis smbhyg jumaat...dia marah aku coz aku x buat apa yg aku kata nk buat...dia kata yg aku pernah kata dulu kat dia tok jauhkan diri drpd si mamat ni dulu tok lupakan dia...tapi aku x buat benda yg sama pada si minah ni...padanla dia pandang aku smcm sjak beberapa ari ni...toyol pon sama...aku tahu aku bengap...kata je nk buat tu,nk buat ni...but akhirnya aku masih maafkan dia dan layan dia...apa patot aku buat? aku tersekat...maafkan aku wafa...syairah....mesti korang kata dlm hati,suka hati aku la nk buat apa...akhirnya aku juga yg sakit hati...but thx sham sbb layan aku dlm seminggu ni...aku nmpk je ok...dlm hati mcm....apa langkah yg aku patot buat? ehm....si minah tu je ke yg dpt buat hati aku tenteram? atau ada benda lain yg kacau aku...yes...memang hati aku x pernah tenang sbb prob2 dlm hati yg x pernah aku tunjuk...aku mengaku,xde benda yg aku leh ubah tentang apa yg dh jadi...dan apa yg aku dh hilang...aku patot cari benda yg dpt hilangkan perasaan ni...si minah tu ke? atau benda lain....haih...sjak abis exam juga aku asyik terpkirkan sorg kwn aku ni...half chinese half malay...does it ring any bells? i dun know...i just think that we dun talk like we usually do...probably i juz miss her giving me advice...nmpk je mcm bdk besar..padahal,otak mcm bdk kecik...memang aku ada terpkir....org takot ngan aku ke? sbb tu xde yg sanggup 'hang out' ngan aku? aku jiwang sngt? aku diam sngt? aku x phm la org yg pkir cmni...korg terima org yg sama jenis ngan korg je ke? mcm tu ke korg buat kwn? atau sbb aku ni jenis introvert dan aku x 'sesuai' ngan korg? susah sngt ke nk tegor ble jln sebelah atau buat lawak ble berdepan? fine...aku jenis yg diam...tapi tu x bermakna aku bisu...ada ke lg org yg aku leh trust? mcm2 la....maaf ye kpada pihak yg terasa...

Walking Away..

"Monsters and ghosts are real...they live inside us and sometimes they win.."

Sometimes some people get me wrong
When it's something I've said or done
Sometimes you feel there is no fun
That's why you turn and run
but now I truly realise
Some people don't wanna compromise

Well I saw them with my own eyes spreading those lies
and well I don't wanna live a lie, too many sleepless nights
not mentioning the fights, I'm sorry to say lady

Well I'm so tired
things you say you're driving me away
whispers in the classroom
don't listen to the games they play
girl I thought you'd realise

I'm not like them other guys
coz I saw them with my own eyes
you should've been more wise
and well I don't wanna live a lie, too many sleepless nights
not mentioning the fights, I'm sorry to say lady

I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away to find a better day...

You Don't Know...

Who could know the emptiness inside
Every time I see your face
Too many feelings left behind
Do you wonder why
I turn away when you look at me
Never wanting your eyes to see
This desperate heart that knows
How perfect we could be

All I ever wanted in this world
Girl I found in you
I never felt this way before
But I can't break through
And now I lie awake, alone at night
So afraid now to close my eyes
Just one more dream of you
I'll carry here inside

And I would hold you all through the night
I would stay right by your side
And I'd give you the world if your love was mine
But baby could it be I'm only dreamin'
Don't let it pass me by

Girl cause you don't know, how I feel
Livin' my life without you
Baby and you don't know what it's like
Lovin' you all this time
I'll give you all my love, heart and soul
Riskin' it all on a chance
Now when I need you the most, you don't know...

Closer to the dark...

"I watched u..chased u..i wanted to be like u...i'm glad i met u..."

The pic means a lot to me...this one picture describes me in a thousand words(theoretically speaking)...although im still in the position as in naruto...but my heart is kinda more to sasuke...aiemen used to say to me to never give up...but i guess...i dun have a choice....shafeeq said to me to never fight any unneccessary battles..."The world is a reflection of wut u r",melissa? The fault i c in others is my fault...yeah..it is...from the start...and i didnt say i was jelez or anything...fine..i was...u hate jelez guys...i am trying not to...i cant say that i've given up...lost hope is more like it....i've totally lost her....the only thing i could do now is to 'kill' everything i knew bout her. "If you think I'm just a foolish kid ruled by his emotions, that's fine. Following that,path would be childish, the whispering of fools who don't know hatred. If anyone else tries to ridicule the way I live, I'll slaughter everyone they ever cared about. And then maybe they'll understand what it's like to taste...a little of my hatred."(theoretically speaking)

Sometimes i wondered wut it would be like if she truly understand...would she really accept me? or the same thing will happen?

Don’t know where to start

Something ain’t going right
Feel it in my soul cause I’ve tried, oh baby
Tried to keep you satisfied

I don't want to cry
I just think we both need time
I just feel that we are in the same room
But living two worlds apart
And its causing too much pain

See these teardrops falling from your eyes
That don’t change my mind, oh baby
Please don’t make things more difficult than they gotta be
I can’t take no more this is killing me
Every time I look at you
I see more reason of me to leave you
And its causing me too much pain

Can I please just stay but

Is it late to work this thing out?
Girl this ain’t easy for me

At least the truth is coming out
Why can’t we make up like the last time
I’m just afraid to hear you say go
I’m sorry

I better go this alone coz
I think its time i let go