Kawan? Bermasalah?

Wut a week....penuh dgn ceramah...pening kepala...pening kepala pkir pasal future...nak masuk kolej/uni mana...nk kerja apa...mula ceramah masa hari selasa...rabu pon ada..memang best...lpas tlg kemas bilik dewan,otw gi meeting st jonh,migrain dtg menyerang...sakit memang sakit...tapi tahan je..sampai kelas,mkn ubat,duduk & rehat...fuh...reda sket...tengok2 farah dh sampai dulu...tegur je la..ble migrain memang mata jadi terok..so x seberapa nmpk...but,dlm meeting tu nmpk ada org lambai..rupanya nabilah f3...dia minta dtg ke dia sbb mai adira panggil...apa lg...gi situ,tegur la...dia antara yg memang aku anggap rpt...ntah nape...then khamis kira ada mcm exhibition fair...bnyk2 kolej dtg...pamerkan apa yg diorg offer...bnyk yg interesting...tapi bnyk juga yg x...yg x tu sbb diorg x offer study ke luar negara...x best ar...org nk study luar....hahaha...jumaat pon ada ceramah...2 pulak tu...haih...sorg kwn aku ni pula demam...bdn agak panas...takot juga jangkit coz nmpk mcm ramai org demam skrg...tapi xkan nk jauhkan diri...x baik ar...lpas ceramah bio medik tu,pening skali lg..but x terok sngt...so tahan je...tapi smakin berlalu masa,makin sakit...jadi,ble sampai kat masjid terus mkn ubat...jln ke masjid sorg2...kebanyakkan tumpang cikgu...sorg demam...sorg buat sambil lewa...x leh paksa tol? kena fhm situasi...so,aku decide tok jln terus...xpela...coz memang ari tu,sjak pagi dh rasa smcm...awan nmpk smcm....pagi tu,aku diam je...ntah la...pelik2....so,jln sorg,pasang lagu...yup,memang sesuai...keadaan tu,perasaan aku,lagu tu...sampai2 masijd,jumpa iqmal! nasir oh nasir! haha...rindu ko! borak2 jap...then masuk jumpa ayah aku mcm biasa...lepas sembahyang...pening sket kepala...nk pkir nk ambik bidang apa,but rehat dulu la..jumpa skali lg kwn2 sblum jumpa ayah aku di Fish & CO. at BV...ingat mak ngan kakak aku ada,tengok2 xde...hampa la juga...aku jenis yg suka mkn ramai2...lg2 ngan yg tersyg dan ble dh jarang buat cmtu...sabtu ada gotong royong kat library...x cukup tdo mlm sabtu tu...so pagi sabtu mcm groggy gak...lg2 coz aku rasa mcm migrain nk dtg...aku jaga energy yg aku exert...sori kpada sesiapa yg terasa pagi tu...aku x sangka berkesan...aku tunggu dan tunggu stiap detik...ble migrain ni nk menyerang...aku dh cuak coz aku x bawa ubat...dh kul 9...xde lg...kul 10...xde gak...ble dh sampai kul 11...memang dh xde la tu...so aku teruskan apa yg aku buat tpi masih berhati-hati la..sorg ni tunjuk something kat bahu dia...aku x nmpk...memang la..aku ble nk sakit,aku memang jaga stiap benda yg aku buat...x stress kan sngt otak supaya energy x kluar bnyk...thus,ada kemungkinan migrain x dtg...so,aku kecikkan mata...x nmpk...so aku tanya apa tu...dia pon pandang tmpat lain..haha...sori ye...akhirnya dia tunjuk brooch yg pernah aku bg dulu...ble dh? hahaha...memang aku makin tua...aku ingat ada dua tpi mcm bergabung...bentuk apa dh? butterfly? arnab? aku nmpk warna hitam je...oh..jap,kucing kembar..satu hitam,satu putih...aku bg masa bday kan? baru ingat...haha...then,belajar naik motor sket..memang best..thx mul,naim and faiz...balut2 buku sblum gi mcd...aku dh 2naikan janji aku ye nat! hohohoh..tbe2 dngar yg nadia masuk hospital...memang sdih ar...ingat nk gi lawat..cuba la call ramai org...qis,pai..mcm2 la...then,tengok2 dia dh kluar hospital...xpela...bunyi ok la tu...ingatkan dpt rehat dlm kul 3 cmtu...tengok2 kakak x abis buat rambut sampai la kul 6...pe..memang aku nk meletup la...but,aku pkir balik..buat rambut ni tok kebaikan dia gak...it's wut she wants...jadi aku sbr and gi mkn mlm ngan family sblum akhirnya balik rumah....balik2...aku terpkir mcm2...terutama pasal apa yg wafa kata kat aku lpas aku abis smbhyg jumaat...dia marah aku coz aku x buat apa yg aku kata nk buat...dia kata yg aku pernah kata dulu kat dia tok jauhkan diri drpd si mamat ni dulu tok lupakan dia...tapi aku x buat benda yg sama pada si minah ni...padanla dia pandang aku smcm sjak beberapa ari ni...toyol pon sama...aku tahu aku bengap...kata je nk buat tu,nk buat ni...but akhirnya aku masih maafkan dia dan layan dia...apa patot aku buat? aku tersekat...maafkan aku wafa...syairah....mesti korang kata dlm hati,suka hati aku la nk buat apa...akhirnya aku juga yg sakit hati...but thx sham sbb layan aku dlm seminggu ni...aku nmpk je ok...dlm hati mcm....apa langkah yg aku patot buat? ehm....si minah tu je ke yg dpt buat hati aku tenteram? atau ada benda lain yg kacau aku...yes...memang hati aku x pernah tenang sbb prob2 dlm hati yg x pernah aku tunjuk...aku mengaku,xde benda yg aku leh ubah tentang apa yg dh jadi...dan apa yg aku dh hilang...aku patot cari benda yg dpt hilangkan perasaan ni...si minah tu ke? atau benda lain....haih...sjak abis exam juga aku asyik terpkirkan sorg kwn aku ni...half chinese half malay...does it ring any bells? i dun know...i just think that we dun talk like we usually do...probably i juz miss her giving me advice...nmpk je mcm bdk besar..padahal,otak mcm bdk kecik...memang aku ada terpkir....org takot ngan aku ke? sbb tu xde yg sanggup 'hang out' ngan aku? aku jiwang sngt? aku diam sngt? aku x phm la org yg pkir cmni...korg terima org yg sama jenis ngan korg je ke? mcm tu ke korg buat kwn? atau sbb aku ni jenis introvert dan aku x 'sesuai' ngan korg? susah sngt ke nk tegor ble jln sebelah atau buat lawak ble berdepan? fine...aku jenis yg diam...tapi tu x bermakna aku bisu...ada ke lg org yg aku leh trust? mcm2 la....maaf ye kpada pihak yg terasa...

Walking Away..

"Monsters and ghosts are real...they live inside us and sometimes they win.."

Sometimes some people get me wrong
When it's something I've said or done
Sometimes you feel there is no fun
That's why you turn and run
but now I truly realise
Some people don't wanna compromise

Well I saw them with my own eyes spreading those lies
and well I don't wanna live a lie, too many sleepless nights
not mentioning the fights, I'm sorry to say lady

Well I'm so tired
things you say you're driving me away
whispers in the classroom
don't listen to the games they play
girl I thought you'd realise

I'm not like them other guys
coz I saw them with my own eyes
you should've been more wise
and well I don't wanna live a lie, too many sleepless nights
not mentioning the fights, I'm sorry to say lady

I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away to find a better day...

You Don't Know...

Who could know the emptiness inside
Every time I see your face
Too many feelings left behind
Do you wonder why
I turn away when you look at me
Never wanting your eyes to see
This desperate heart that knows
How perfect we could be

All I ever wanted in this world
Girl I found in you
I never felt this way before
But I can't break through
And now I lie awake, alone at night
So afraid now to close my eyes
Just one more dream of you
I'll carry here inside

And I would hold you all through the night
I would stay right by your side
And I'd give you the world if your love was mine
But baby could it be I'm only dreamin'
Don't let it pass me by

Girl cause you don't know, how I feel
Livin' my life without you
Baby and you don't know what it's like
Lovin' you all this time
I'll give you all my love, heart and soul
Riskin' it all on a chance
Now when I need you the most, you don't know...

Closer to the dark...

"I watched u..chased u..i wanted to be like u...i'm glad i met u..."

The pic means a lot to me...this one picture describes me in a thousand words(theoretically speaking)...although im still in the position as in naruto...but my heart is kinda more to sasuke...aiemen used to say to me to never give up...but i guess...i dun have a choice....shafeeq said to me to never fight any unneccessary battles..."The world is a reflection of wut u r",melissa? The fault i c in others is my fault...yeah..it is...from the start...and i didnt say i was jelez or anything...fine..i was...u hate jelez guys...i am trying not to...i cant say that i've given up...lost hope is more like it....i've totally lost her....the only thing i could do now is to 'kill' everything i knew bout her. "If you think I'm just a foolish kid ruled by his emotions, that's fine. Following that,path would be childish, the whispering of fools who don't know hatred. If anyone else tries to ridicule the way I live, I'll slaughter everyone they ever cared about. And then maybe they'll understand what it's like to taste...a little of my hatred."(theoretically speaking)

Sometimes i wondered wut it would be like if she truly understand...would she really accept me? or the same thing will happen?

Don’t know where to start

Something ain’t going right
Feel it in my soul cause I’ve tried, oh baby
Tried to keep you satisfied

I don't want to cry
I just think we both need time
I just feel that we are in the same room
But living two worlds apart
And its causing too much pain

See these teardrops falling from your eyes
That don’t change my mind, oh baby
Please don’t make things more difficult than they gotta be
I can’t take no more this is killing me
Every time I look at you
I see more reason of me to leave you
And its causing me too much pain

Can I please just stay but

Is it late to work this thing out?
Girl this ain’t easy for me

At least the truth is coming out
Why can’t we make up like the last time
I’m just afraid to hear you say go
I’m sorry

I better go this alone coz
I think its time i let go